Letters To Insufferable Members Of Society: Whoreons

02/13/2012 · 110 comments

in Letters to Insufferable Members of Society, Psychological Warfare, Sadist Vagina, What Is Wrong With You?

Dear Whoreons:

During our lives, every woman will be faced with a decision. One can be a strong, hard-working, intelligent woman who understands chivalry and equality. One who works to love and respect knowing that that is the only way to be loved and respected in return. Women who, as they say, “Hold their heads, heels, and standards high.”

Or, one can be a Whoreon. Your decision on the matter is mind-numbingly clear.

You stand proud and loud and painfully insipid. You’ll show your vagina at every turn and demand to be treated like a lady when it’s convenient, declaring Cosmopolitan as your bible and crying when you get nothing on Valentine’s Day when that’s what you said you wanted in the goddamn first place.

All the flack I give to Men’s Health would not be necessary if you were not there to prove that their articles are somewhat based in truth.

You, women of jewelry, who will suck anyone’s dick for a diamond–traditionally known as prostitution.

You, women of The Bachelor. Week after week you show just how much you respect yourself and all other women by using your vagina to earn you a fucking flower–traditionally known as prostitution.

You, women of Toddlers And Tiaras. If I entered a pageant, but acted and dressed like a three-year-old, would you think I was making a fool of myself? Acting non-age appropriately? Would you be embarrassed for me? Imagine our horror when you dress your child like an adult and parade her on stage for money and trophies and crowns–traditionally known as prostitution.

Feminism lies in choice; we can choose to be whoever we want to be. By all means, live by your own rules, but understand that Newton was not wrong when he said every action leads to an equal and opposite reaction.

If you choose to ruthlessly lie, cheat, and steal to earn a man’s attention, you cannot be surprised when another does that to you (or when he turns out to be a gigantic douchebag). If you choose to be a barsexual, you cannot be surprised when you earn only sex, not respect. If you choose to dress in revealing clothing, then you cannot be surprised when people look at your body.

In that moment, you may be proud that you’re straddling that doucherocket, but you’re making a fool of yourself and of all other women by proudly and shamelessly upholding stereotypes.

Look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?” If the steps you are taking right now will not help you become that woman, then grab your dignity and self-respect out of the gutter and choose a new path.

Love From,

Noa D. Gavin

I sure as hell was a whoreon for a short period of time. My moment of clarity came in my Sophomore year of college when dating probably the largest douche who ever douched a douche. I moved 3 states away and changed my game after that.

Ever met a whoreon? Were you one yourself? What was your moment of clarity? Any advice for other women?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Jillian @ Brilliant Title: “I had to put down my bowl of cereal. Rice puffs and soy milk, in all their snobbishly healthy distain, burn real bad when coming through the nose.” 


Front Desk Ninja February 13, 2012 at 1:09 am

I was a Whoreon until I made a bad choice, got knocked up and saw the true definition of two faces on a person.

Also, working at a hotel?
Makes being a whore just…. wrong. So much my eyes have viewed, that cannot be unviewed. It burns, Noa. IT BURNS.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..I Slept For A Billion Hours, Now I’m Going To Watch Hockey

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:13 am

We all have that big wakeup call one day, and then we realize, “oh, never mind. I want to be normal.” Glad you came around too!

Jaime February 13, 2012 at 1:11 am

lol @ doucherocket … this blog never fails at giving me new words to put in my dirty whore mouth dictionary.

I think being a whoreon is a right of passage for women…. some women just never grow up.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:30 am

We’re all whoreons at one time or another. It’s just good to move past that stage.

Dave in Sherman February 13, 2012 at 3:06 am

I got to ask, anyone or anything special bring that up?
Not that it isn’t a valid observation all in of itself……..
Dave in Sherman recently posted..Week #4

Grace February 13, 2012 at 8:33 am

I forced her to watch The Bachelor with me last week. She didn’t know the entertainment she’d been missing! That event certainly helped spark this post, though I’m sure she has other reasons.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:30 am

@Dave: The Bachelor.

@Grace: Yes, and fuck you for that.

Cole P. February 13, 2012 at 5:29 am

This is a very persuasive call to those women who lost the the path of righteousness. How long have you been an advocate of this? I learned a lot from this post.

Thanks for sharing your stand on this very sensitive issue!

Cole P. recently posted..how to pick up girls

Jillian @ Brilliant Title February 13, 2012 at 7:45 am

Jillian @ Brilliant Title recently posted..The Traditional "Happy Dance" Is Performed In The Nude, Right?

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:31 am

I love you, spammer.

Abby February 13, 2012 at 6:34 am

I’ve never been a whoreon, mostly because I’m too lazy and would rather be on the couch watching the game (not any of the whoreon shows) and eating. However, when I spot one I immediately remember why I prefer being on my couch and not out among the insufferable members of society.
Abby recently posted..I’m a Winner!

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:32 am

I’m so very jealous of you. I was a really good whoreon, which made me a really bad person. I’m now a couch person.

Jen February 13, 2012 at 6:50 am

I work with one of the biggest whoreons ever to have traipsed this pebble we call Earth. I speak, of course, of the Office Skank. However, as Office Skank does not generally receive any compensation for her many hours of scoring trucker “strange” at freeway rest stops and giving handjobs behind the dumpster at Whole Foods, I’m not sure if her actions could technically be considered prostitution.
Jen recently posted..Shopping With Nathan Fillion

Janene February 13, 2012 at 9:12 am

If people *could* pay for it, it’s whoring. It’s just that she hasn’t set a high enough price for it, yet.

Brandon S February 14, 2012 at 4:28 pm

We’ll just call her a not-for-profit whore. Gives new meaning to the term “Pro-Bono”.
Brandon S recently posted..Do You Smell That? An Olfactory Memory Lane

Meg February 14, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Paid or not, I love reading about your confrontations with her. So Office Skank, whore on with your bad self.
Meg recently posted..A Wise Old Owl

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:33 am

@Jen: I wrote this and thought, “This is totally Jen’s office skank.” And I WAS RIGHT.

@Janene: Marketing, right?

@Brandon: HAH. Dick joke.

@Meg: Everyone love a good office skank.

Danielle Geer (@deathbycupakes) February 13, 2012 at 7:07 am

I’m not a big fan of pimping out other people’s blogs (because I’m too busy whoring out my own) but this one demanded to be shared.

The very word “Whoron” demands respect. And immediate entry into Webster’s Collegiate.

*slow clap, followed by a standing O, that morphed into The Wave*
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Jen February 13, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Wait. . .did you just call yourself a Blog Whoreon, Dani? ;)
Jen recently posted..Shopping With Nathan Fillion

Danielle Geer (@deathbycupakes) February 13, 2012 at 5:37 pm



*batting lashes while hiking up skirt to show a little skin while signing blog address and pointing to chest, where it’s tatooed*

(Apparently I have three hands…)
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:34 am

@Danielle: THE WAAAAVEEEE. Also, thank you.

@Jen: Whoa there.

Elsmama February 13, 2012 at 7:30 am

Yeah!! Thank you for saying what I’ve had in my head for ages!!

The Bachelor… Really?? Cattle call for women who are so desperate to have a man that they’re willing to be treated like livestock?? That drives me nuts. We’ve never watched it, and I would sooner let my daughters watch hard core porn than that tripe.
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Misty February 13, 2012 at 8:18 am

At least hard core porn is honest and educational. The bachelor is just candy coated shite! Good parenting instincts there. :)
Misty recently posted..A Bad Case of VD

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:35 am

@Elsmama: Did you see that bitch cry after she didn’t get picked? And apologize? Fuck that.

@Misty: Right? Just pull that dick out.

kim February 13, 2012 at 7:41 am

I’ve whored myself enough. It’s something we are taught. Our culture, our mothers… I married twice, looking for legitimacy. Eternity band in a blue box (purchased by me), couch from Pottery Barn, dinner club for 14 of his closest fraternity bros. My Dad told me not to “screw it up.”

Our children pay for it. I see it everyday. Staying in a marriage “for the kids.” I couldn’t do it. Once I made the decision, it took me three years to figure out how to get divorced. Staying married would certainly have been more convenient. More socially acceptable. More lucrative. More lonely. And what a subconscious burden to put on my children, “We stayed together for you.” Fuck that.

Lilscorpiosweet February 13, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Amen Kim!

Kids aren’t stupid.. they see what hurts Mommy. I would give anything to take away the hurt that they would see caused by a bad relationship. Sure we don’t want them to go through that and its definitely a learning experience. But maybe its bad relationships like this that teach them about being a Whoreon and a Douche. Not socially acceptable behaviors and obviously not what we want them to grow up being.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:36 am

@Kim: Holy shit this was powerful. Way to go, you strong-ass-mofo. Way to go.

@Lil: I grew up watching a shitty stepdad. I knew better. You’re right!

Misty February 13, 2012 at 8:21 am

Yeah, I think we have all been there at some point in our youth. And I do think it is a matter of either maturity or getting burned something awful (and I don’t mean the sensation when you pee . . . or maybe I do!) to get us to see the error of our ways. Some just never learn from their massive whoring mistakes. And let’s be honest, they love the attention they get that would just take too much work and education to get any other way.
Misty recently posted..A Bad Case of VD

Jillian @ Brilliant Title February 13, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Urinary Tract Infections– curing women of their prostitutional tendencies since the beginning of time.
Jillian @ Brilliant Title recently posted..The Traditional "Happy Dance" Is Performed In The Nude, Right?

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:37 am

@Misty: I love that you wrote this followed by the blog title, “A bad case of VD.” Really brings it full circle there.

@Jillian: Laughed so hard. So hard.

Grace February 13, 2012 at 8:31 am

I think this letter should be mandated by state law to be in the group of handouts you receive in that “period talk” in the 5th grade. You know, how to apply deodorant, how to remove a tampon, how to wear a maxi pad belt, how not to be a “Whoreon”. That’s about the age they stop popping up anyway. It’s all about prevention.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:38 am

Wouldn’t that have saved us all so much trouble?

Sarah February 13, 2012 at 8:36 am

Can’t say that I’d ever fall in this category (first, jeans and tennis shoes– the only things I wear these days– do not sound like the right uniform), but I can say that I will be using doucherocket in everyday conversation on a regular basis now!
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:39 am

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Monica February 13, 2012 at 9:15 am

I was never a whoreon. Not because I was always the paragon of awesomeness that sits before you today in her ratty pajamas and unwashed hair, but because I couldn’t figure out how to make men look at my vagina.

Until I was 21, only two men ever saw my cooch: my dad when he was changing my diaper (I was potty trained at a normal age, I swear) and the gynecologist who checked out my gear. Until I popped my cherry at 21, getting a gyn exam was like polishing all the silverware once a year when you knew damn well you were eating alone.
Monica recently posted..This whole ‘personhood’ thing deserves a good hard thinking about

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:39 am

“because I couldn’t figure out how to make men look at my vagina.”

Funniest thing I’ve read all fucking month.


me February 13, 2012 at 9:36 am

I whored myself out for love. For every scarce ounce of affection that would drip from the boy I could hardly call my boyfriend. It was when he told me he didn’t care or want me anymore, despite trying to sleep with me sometimes, that I finally heard him. It’s true that actions speak louder than words; I hope that’s the only time I’ll have to learn that lesson.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:40 am

That’s what we all did when we were whoreons. That’s what it’s about. I’m just glad you’re on the other side.

Ginny February 13, 2012 at 9:40 am

The Bachelor is just a giant slap in the face to all females. But watching it makes me feel better about myself.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:40 am

Also, anything on TLC.

Jayne February 13, 2012 at 10:00 am

Self-esteem issues. Plain and simple.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:40 am

Nailed it.

Jana February 13, 2012 at 10:34 am

As a former whoreon through my college years and maybe 1 or 2 years after that (its a little fuzzy) I would like to believe that my bad choices are what enabled me to see the reality of life around me. I am hoping that I can convince my girls that they need to learn by my mistakes and I have made the epic vow to keep them off the pole and out of any Joe Francis movies. (GOD PLEASE HELP ME!)
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:41 am

“Keep ‘Em Off The Pole” is the new slogan for the Anti-Whoreon campaign.

Mayor Gia February 13, 2012 at 10:39 am

Good point about Cosmo. It’s terrible for women. TERRIBLE.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:41 am

Just…the fucking worst. The worst.

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd February 13, 2012 at 10:47 am

Obviously all these types subscribe to the “any kind of attention is good attention” school of life. And while many of us give them attention for it because it is quite the spectacle, if we’d just ignore all the genitalia, flying wigs, and impromptu sexy dances that have clearly been practiced in the mirror at home alone, maybe they’d go away. Or, turn to mass murder to get attention, which, unfortunately, isn’t as easy to laugh at.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:42 am

I hate that shit. It’s those girls I end up wanting to hurt on Halloween.

Jeff February 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

My cousin was a whoreon. She banged anything with balls between it’s legs, including her older sister’s friends. We used to make jokes at her expense until she finally decided to change her ways. Now she’s just dating a douche big enough to clean out every crevice of the Grand Canyon. We’re still working on that. Baby steps.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:42 am

Once you’re down to one, then it’s easy work getting that one to go. Chin up.

Peggy February 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

I was unknowingly on the road to whoreondom in my late teens, but a magnificent example of douchebagness reset my priorities. I really should thank him for that.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:43 am

Lucky you! I got mine well into my Whoreon stage.

Dana the Biped February 13, 2012 at 11:22 am

To quote the great NPH, “Whenever I start feeling like a Whoreon, I stop being a Whoreon and be awesome instead.” I also put my clothes back on.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Sheep(ish)

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:43 am


Nicely done.

Cheryl S. February 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

My BFF from HS turned into a whoreon during and after college. It’s the reason she’s not my BFF anymore. I just had one too many nights of biting my tongue until it bled, while she cried on the phone “I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to go anywhere! He doesn’t take me out! He shows up in sweat pants wearing no underwear!” When I just wanted to scream “You’re a WHORE. He doesn’t want to be seen with you or spend any money on you! He just wants to come over in his disgusting sweat pants, bang you and leave!” And more importantly “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? THIS IS NOT OK!”

She has finally cleaned up her act (we’re 40!) and I’m proud of her for it, but it was a terrible thing to watch . . .

Mandi E. February 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

True story, I had a friend just like her, only I didn’t bite my tongue. We’re not friends anymore and she still whines constantly about how men are bastards and there are no good ones left. Well, you’re a skank with no personality or redeeming qualities. Something has to give, and your vagina is tapped out.

I’m sort of an asshole.
Mandi E. recently posted..Your “Tastes Like an Expensive Date Night” Recipe Review

Bill G. February 14, 2012 at 11:43 pm

One of my female friends in college had a roommate like that (Sandy). Her beau Jared would only come over to her house on Friday and Saturday nights around 10:30 or so. And, of course, he was always out of there at the crack of dawn the next morning. “No time for breakfast, loves! Gotta hit the books, lots of schoolwork to do!” A brick could figure out that she was just something to fuck at the tail-end of a night of drinking and good ole Jared could only stand to be around her when he was good and drunk. I really caught an earful one day when I pointed this out as tactfully as I possibly could. Some people just don’t want to hear the blindingly obvious or accept help. Kick me for being stupid enough to try.

This same chick slothed around parties frequented by hockey and rugby players. Every so often, one of them would be overcome by the perfect storm of drunkenness, horniness, and stupidity and Sandy would swoop in and capitalize sexually.

I’d like to think that this was just a college phase of her life and everything with her is all healthy and happy today. I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if she wound up pregnant, living back with mom and dad, and no idea which drunken loser is the father.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:44 am

@Cheryl: Excuse me. I need to go call a friend and thank her.

@Mandi: Excuse me. I need to go and punch that friend I still have.

@Bill: Some women think that’s normal and OK, and it makes me so sad.

AmyBlam February 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

The last time we were in Vegas, a girl was dancing around a column wearing a super short, super tight dress and dropping her shit all the way to the floor, which kept showing her vagina. Now I will say, if while standing up your dress/skirt/shorts is so short that we can tell if you wax or not, it’s really not going to work when you’re dropping it like it’s hot.
Because she was oh so very drunk, I politely pointed that her whoha was hanging out. She slurred at me that she knew that already.
Okay then. Whoreon. I like the term.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:45 am

I cannot imagine a time in which, “Does my vagina look good in this dress,” is a good thing to ask someone. Shit.

Angie Uncovered February 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Unfortunately, I know a few Whoreons or as we used to call them, stupid sluts. I’ve wanted to be a whoreon from time to time as well if only for the change of pace.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:46 am

It’s not as awesome as you think. Promise.

momiss February 13, 2012 at 3:59 pm

More standing O for you here, my dear. You speak for me on this as well. It’s all over the TV and I hardly even watch anymore. I have blamed Madonna, Hollywood, the music industry, and more for this as I have watched younger generations navigate these waters and have been horrified at the message they receive from our ‘culture’.
In the end, we all need to blame ourselves and nip that crap in the bud. Make it clear to your daughters, and if you don’t have daughters, grab a child. They are everywhere and nobody’s paying attention to most of them half the time. If left to what they see on TV ( I refuse to believe it’s an accurate perception but then I live in the middle of nowhere in the heartland of America—and I’m staying here) we are truly lost.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:47 am

I heard a quote today I loved, “I don’t know what feminism is. I just know I’m called a feminist when I act in a manner unlike a doormat or a prostitute.”

Kelly February 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I’m not so sure I was a whoreon, or if I just dated every whoreon in the tri-state area. Probably the latter, since my blood tests are negative for the VD.
Kelly recently posted..A change’ll do ya good…

Mandi E. February 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Hey, as long as it was safe, you’re just promiscuous. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Unless you’re Catholic.
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Kelly February 15, 2012 at 8:16 am

Birth control, FTW!
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:48 am

@Kelly: I had Colorado covered!

@Mandi: But if you’re Catholic, apparently you can buttsex all you want! Or so I hear.

thoughtsappear February 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Doucherocket! Bwahahaha!

Sorry. I’m still new here. And I’m immature. And I majored in English. So what I’m saying is that creative words and cursing crack me up.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:48 am

Enjoy. I have many creative words, fellow English geek.

Becca February 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I like the fact that’s it’s a little bit shouty, adds more conviction if you ask me. And yes I was a whoreon. My moment of clarity came when I got tired of not remember the events of the previous night and waking up with no idea where I was, how I got there or who was with me… also there may have been a threesome involved, it was kind of foggy then, and totally clouded over now, and I thought to myself, that’s it, you’ve gone to far now whore, better get your shit together now. And so I did, well sort of… I still had some wild oats to sow but we don’t have to talk about that, right? Right.

Dave in Sherman February 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Big difference between sowing a few wild oats and what you described. You can sow a few oats with your boyfriend/husband and a Jacuzzi suite and some toys, perfectly sober, and remember the good time later. BIG difference.
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:50 am

@Becca: I get the shouts sometimes. And yes, we don’t have to talk about it.

@Dave: Whoa there, sparky. We all have different ways to sow oats. Some people go on Rumspringa and use electricity. Some people have fuzzy nights. I’ve had a bunch myself. We were all stupid once–as long as we’re no longer stupid, we’re good.

Ally February 13, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I’m of the opinion that some females can be the epitome of a lady until they ingest Jager. Then some Dr. Jekyll/My Hyde shit happens and that once nice, young lady, is now a complete, raging whoreon dancing all up on your man.
Ally recently posted..My root.

Jen February 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Jager is the Devil’s semen. That shit has been the ruin of many a morally compromised young woman. . .not that I speak from experience. . .
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Ally February 13, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Oh yeah…me either.
Ally recently posted..My root.

Jen February 13, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Oh, fuck it, Ally. . .we’re both whores. The only difference between us is that I go XY and you go XX; that’s why I love the ever-lovin’ shit outta you AND your wife. :)
Jen recently posted..Shopping With Nathan Fillion

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:50 am

@Ally: For me, it’s Irish Car Bombs. Always a bad idea.

@Jen: Remind me to tell you the story about how I spent my 18th birthday.

Andi Davies February 13, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I don’t think I ever worked my way up to whoreon. I’ve always been cheap and very, very difficult, so guys who wanted whoreons would give up on me while I was still in the “rubbing together suggestively while clothed” phase. I’m pretty sure I can thank my awkward social skills for protecting me from the clap.

I’m impressed by people who are full-out, balls to the wall whoreons. That requires a complete lack of self-perception that makes me wonder if their self-perception glands have been removed.
Andi Davies recently posted..Evil in the Attic

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:51 am

I developed bad socials skills after my whoreon phase. Lucky bastard!

Lilscorpiosweet February 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm

So with the above mentioned ways a person can be a Whoreon, I can rest assure myself that I am not a vagina flaunting, toddlers and tiaras stage mom parading my daughter around like a complete white trash princess, living vicariously through my kid and making a big fuss that its all about giving them a good life while I ride on the coat tails of fame through them, I am also not suggestively parading men through my house and expecting my kids to call him daddy.

That fucks a kid up. What fucks me up is in a small way I feel like a Whoreon for wanting more from my life like these silly tramps that snatch your men up and play man-eater on them and only want the best things out of life only to find out that they aren’t very fulfilling and in the end leaving them bitter and cold. Sure I am gonna go for what I want in life and if that makes me a Whoreon I guess I wear the title proudly but I will not use my feminine wiles to get where I want to go. I don’t need jewelry or fame for what I want.

I feel like a total Whoreon because I chose someone else over my husband and I justified it by his actions. He cheated on me and then proceeded to treat me like a piece of furniture. So when Mr. right now who looks at me with love and trust and not like a piece of used furniture, I feel justified that I made the right decision by getting out of a loveless marriage and better by not allowing my kids to be the reason I stayed in that marriage because of what it might do to them or might not do to them. I didn’t want that for them. I want them to see that they should go for what they want in life and to make themselves happy. It’s not worth the hell on your heart to Whore yourself out only to have nothing in return.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:52 am

You’re not a Whoreon, lady. You know what you want, you know how you want to be treated. Go get what you need!

Von February 14, 2012 at 12:34 am

Wow, all judgey judgey today. Who’s to say whoreons have no self-respect? Maybe they’re proud of what they do, maybe they enjoy it. It’s not for me to sling shit at someone elses choices.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:53 am

It comes down to poor self-esteem in damn near every case of it. And that’s a real shame, because that’s fixable, and you feel so much better when you’re not one.

That’s coming from someone who spent many long years as a Whoreon. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I’m glad I got judged.

Jillian @ Brilliant Title February 14, 2012 at 12:38 am

I think I might have been a Whoreon, although I’m not entirely sure where I fell on the spectrum. Then I moved into my parents’ house with a bedroom door that doesn’t actually close. Whatever cootchie-baring skirts I may once have worn have quickly been traded in for sweatpants. At least they’re not mom jeans…
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:54 am

I love the idea of a Whoreon spectrum, because there absolutely is one and I didn’t even think of it. Well done. I’m glad you got your ass straightened out!

wendy February 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

Whoreon – LOVE it!!!
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Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:54 am

Me too!

Red February 14, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Never been a whoreon, although I don’t talk about my personal life. At all. so have heard several interesting rumors assuming along whoreon lines. Regardless, I do recognize that “If you choose to dress in revealing clothing, then you cannot be surprised when people look at your body” and only wear anything low-cut if I can handle the reaction, Only show legginess in appropriate settings (aka: shorts in the summer), and all that.

Nothing worse than some chick all pimped to the nines rolling her eyes when a man is talking to her rack!
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Jen February 14, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Hear! Hear! I dress like a slut all the time and the day it stops getting attention will be the day I hang up my sequins and stilettos and start acting my age. Nah, I’m just fucking with you. . .I’d never act my age.
Jen recently posted..The Red Dress Play List: "Edge of Glory"

Mandi E. February 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Somehow, Jen, I don’t see you as dressing slutty. Based on what you’ve revealed about yourself, you strike me as someone who dresses tastefully with the intent of being seen. The only thing I take issue with is your stilettos. As a licensed massage therapist, I cannot stand the things they do to women’s bodies.
Mandi E. recently posted..Your “Tastes Like an Expensive Date Night” Recipe Review

Jen February 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm

My friend Jess is a massage therapist too and she is CONSTANTLY giving me shit about my addiction to high heels. I wish my concern for my spine was deeper than my vanity, but alas that is not the case. ((le sigh))

And you’re right, I’m not Office Skank slutty, but I do loves me some sequins, yo.
Jen recently posted..The Red Dress Play List: "Edge of Glory"

wagthedad February 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm

So totally floored by the revelation that Jen does not dress slutty. Dammit.
wagthedad recently posted..Bully the Other Kid When No One’s Watching

Jen February 14, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I would be willing to make an exception in your case, Shane. I need very little encouragement to jump ship and go ‘ho.
Jen recently posted..The Red Dress Play List: "Edge of Glory"

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:56 am

@Red: If I have cleavage showing, it might get looked at. I know that. I’m okay with that. If a man had his dick in the breeze, I’d stare.

@Jen: Seconded. Also, well played.

@Mandi: I know she does because I bought it all for her.

@Wag: Don’t give up hope.

Mandi E. February 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm

How did I not see this blog when it went up yesterday? Blast you, Google Reader.

I was never a whoron. Don’t snort in derision at me like that. It’s true. I didn’t trade on my looks or my sexual prowess to get things with which to fill a void. I just had lots of sex with the intention of filling my void, if you catch my drift. I like to think that just makes me promiscuous. But always safely promiscuous.
Mandi E. recently posted..Your “Tastes Like an Expensive Date Night” Recipe Review

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:57 am

Google reader is a goddamn liar.

I’m so jealous you never had to be a whoreon, because I was one for so long. I was a daddy issues billboard, if you will.

wagthedad February 14, 2012 at 3:26 pm

A-fucking-men. Thanks, Noa.
wagthedad recently posted..Bully the Other Kid When No One’s Watching

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:57 am

Anytime, Wag.

Meg February 14, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I only wish I’d taken more advantage of my youth and been a bit of a Whoreon. Not in a slutty, sleep with a lot of men kind of way, but definitely that I’d been more outgoing and willing to take chances. On the other hand, it makes me sick to see what young women think they have to do to impress the opposite sex now days. The Bachelor is just sad, on so many levels.
Meg recently posted..A Wise Old Owl

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:57 am

That’s not Whorin’, that’s just having fun! There’s still nothing wrong with that at all. As long as your labia isn’t splitting your panties, you’re good.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress February 14, 2012 at 9:20 pm

I am a recovered Whoreon.

Oh God. The things I did.

I shudder every time I think about it.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: Dragon Water

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:58 am

I’ve come to realize that many recovered Whoreons blog. It’s like AA for us.

Natalie Hartford February 15, 2012 at 7:39 am

I am forwarding this around to all my Whoreon friends who just don’t get it!! Here’s hoping in your words, they finally get a clue!
Natalie Hartford recently posted..Urban Word Wednesday: Ding-a-ling bling

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:58 am

I wish you the best of luck!

Pish Posh February 15, 2012 at 4:15 pm

This was awesome. Fucking awesome.

Also “when dating probably the largest douche who ever douched a douche.” Dude you dated that guy too?

I probably was a whoreon for a few months. Nahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Pish Posh recently posted..Love in the Time of Cholera

Noa March 9, 2012 at 2:59 am

Yes I dated that guy.

He was a douche.

Former Whoreon..... February 17, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Painfully and anonymously, I will admit to be a former whoreon. I thrived on it. My self esteem was so wrapped up in being wanted sexually that I probably could have made really good money off of “feeling good about myself”. Then I met a man. A man who would not allow me to justify my actions. A man who told me, “You can live your life however you want, but THIS is how you choose to live it??” A man who saw me as a better person than I saw myself. A man who knew I was worth more than how I treated myself. A man who is revolted by the thought of that kind of girl: nasty, trashy and worthless, but fell in love with me anyway and I with him. I’m not that girl anymore. And I don’t talk about my past with anyone. Even him, even though he knows. I am so ashamed of how I acted and how little I respected myself. It’s nothing I can change but it’s something about myself that I can’t stand. I repress it with every fiber of my being and have sworn that I’ll willl never be that girl again, because I would never be able to live with myself. Just like I can’t now, but am forced too. It’s a really sickening feeling looking at it from the outside in now, having been there and having literally done “all that”. It’s gross. Never again. Never ever ever again.

Noa March 9, 2012 at 3:01 am

As a recovered whoreon, I want you to know we all look back at those days with a lot of shame. What you should focus on is the fact that you woke the fuck up, because you’re a fucking badass, and fucking fixed your shit up. That’s impressive. There are hundreds of thousands of women everywhere who never do. Chin up, my dear. You beat the monster. You got the guy. You rule the world.

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