Funny Bitch Friday: Misty’s Laws

02/03/2012 · 60 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

I love me some Misty. I love me some Misty real hard. Fun Fact: the first time I ever got a really shitty comment, do you know who responded right the fuck away with some sass to die for? Fucking MISTY, that’s who.

And I love me some Misty’s Laws.

Here’s the deal, Misty is what we in the biz (of being dicks) call, “a douche magnet.” Luckily, she’s the fastest and sneakiest camera phone in the west. You need to see this shit to believe it.

Weekly Whacked: Streetwalkers

Weekly Whacked: Random Offerings

Weekly Whacked: I’m BAAAA-AAAACK!

Post X-Mas Mall Experience

Weekly Whacked: Vehicular Eye-Slaughter

She’s also hilarious with her words and her life. And I love it.

Conversations with my 6-Year-Old, Part 6 

Buddy The Elf (This makes me laugh like a fucking lunatic. There’s a Christmas-Themed Eiffel Tower in this one. I love you, Misty.)

Go show her some love, and keep bringing the funny.

In awesome news, The League of Funny Bitches has a podcast now!

  • We interview members of The League, talk about who they are and how they are, and then we get weird with them.
  • We play “would you rather” in a horrifying manner.
  • We do a little PodProv
  • We do some Literary Pornalysis (and I really think Misty can help recommend some killer Harlequin for this segment!)

On the first episode, Alicia and I interviewed each other and it went bad very quickly. You can get the episode here (or by clicking on the new fancy Podcast tab at the top.)

Today at 6pm CST, we’re talking to Elizabeth from Flourish in Progress! We’ll post the podcast this week for y’all. You can live tweet with us at 6 (@ohnoag @aliciasherrod @noshoppingliz), and ask Liz some of your own questions there. We’re interactive as mugs, y’all.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Stephanie: “Dude, I totally shaved off my nipple one time. It grows back. Don’t worry. Be comforted by that little anatomical miracle.”


Front Desk Ninja February 3, 2012 at 12:20 am

Are you fucking kidding me?

YAY MISTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love her like a stalker behind the trees, like a Canadian loves the Americans, which is some serious shit, yo.

I’m also overly joyed by this podcast business y’all are doing. Thank you, dear Noa, for giving me even more reason to lurk your damn blog. So much love right now.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..Bug Part Two and A Dedication of Love To You.

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:28 am

1. Misty is rad as shit.

2. You’re welcome for the podcast.

Kelly February 3, 2012 at 7:47 am

YAY MISTY! Well deserved, fo’ sho. I dream of having camera phone ninja skills like that.
Kelly recently posted..I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dee lee dee dee dee…

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:28 am

OH GOD. If we all had that skill, the world would either be much funnier or more full of defamation lawsuits.

Mandi E. February 3, 2012 at 7:58 am

I haven’t been this excited about a funny bitch Friday nomination since Jen! Yay, Misty! If this doesn’t end your winter doldrums, well, I may have to ply you with wine from my special stash.
Mandi E. recently posted..Love Letters of DOOM (Part Two)

Misty February 3, 2012 at 8:31 am

So, what if I say it doesn’t? Do I get wine, then? Because, if so . . . nope. Not doing a thing for me AT ALL.

Bring on the secret stash! :)
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Mandi E. February 3, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Three words: Chateauneuf du Pape.
Mandi E. recently posted..WTF Friday: Some (not so) Minor Pet Peeves.

Jen February 3, 2012 at 1:02 pm

That is Richard Castle’s favorite wine. My knowledge of all things Nathan Fillion knows no bounds.
Jen recently posted..Foodie Friday: It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Misty February 3, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Annnddddd . . . full circle to NF. How on earth do you always bring it back to him? Damn, woman.
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Jen February 3, 2012 at 1:11 pm

You should see me play “6 Degrees of Nathan Fillion”. It is magical.
Jen recently posted..Foodie Friday: It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Misty February 3, 2012 at 5:33 pm

And where do you live again & how fast can I get there?
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:30 am

@Mandi: I hope it does bring an end to the doldrums. Also, that’s one of my favorite words.

@Misty: Wine is always welcome. Always.

Marcelo January 2, 2013 at 9:27 am

- seriously heaehtr those images are so very beautiful! it looks like it was a perfectly gorgeous day, combined with the colors and your kick ass perspective, the collection is absolutely fantastic!!

Jaclyn February 3, 2012 at 8:22 am

It occurs to me that Misty does not give a shit if people see her taking pictures of them. Misty is brave. Bitches wearing catsuits to court will CUT. A. BITCH.
Jaclyn recently posted..Busted Knees and Broken Faces

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:30 am

Misty’s a blogging honeybadger.

Misty February 3, 2012 at 8:24 am

OH. MY. FREAKING. GOD!! I was so excited when I saw this that I spilled coffee all over my car! (Yes, I was reading emails while driving. What of it?). This makes me phenominally happy. I so needed this. Thank you, Noa.

Oh, and I love YOU hard. I guess that means we are both hard for each other, huh? Wait, did I just turn this into gay porn? Eh, it was bound to happen eventually.
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:31 am

I’m so glad I could make you smile and burn your crotch a little.

Everything always ends up with me sleeping with one of you. I’d be sad, but–eh. It’s not so bad.

Welcome, friend. You deserve it.

Heather Rose February 3, 2012 at 8:27 am

You know, I hate to be the spoilsport that points this out, but Misty does kind of have an unfair advantage- her kid is funny as hell. I’m reasonably sure she just steals his shit all the time. Way to steal candy-coated nuggets of funny from a six year old, Misty. Geez. (But I still love you both! <3)
Heather Rose recently posted..The devil at the wedding

Misty February 3, 2012 at 8:33 am

Damn girl, why you gotta go and call me out like that? Especially since it’s true. 6 is actually the one who follows people around taking pictures and then says hilarious things at all times. You got me. Besides, who’s gonna be mad at a cute little scamp like my son? See . . . foolproof!
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Kamila January 2, 2013 at 9:28 am

Pina Coladas and Palm Trees {Destination Wedding Photographer Well Misty, your day has come and gone. We had been talking about it and your list of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ (lol) for what seems like feevorr, but your day came so.

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:35 am

@Heather: She’s so lucky. Her kid is that exception that makes me think “kids would be fun.” NO. NO THEY WILL NOT.

Britt February 3, 2012 at 8:28 am

Misty gets in my head like the incessant beats of the herp-ridden Nicki Minaj. Her antics follow me around, forcing me to take pictures of unsuspecting doucherags for their hideous and heinous appearance. Thank you, Misty, you inadvertently support my hatred of people.
Britt recently posted..10 Things That Deserve Some Fist-Bumps

Misty February 3, 2012 at 8:33 am

Um, thanks? I’m not sure if comparing me to Nicki Minaj is a compliment, but I guess I’ll take it . . .
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Britt February 3, 2012 at 9:48 am

Oh my goodness, that’s not how I intended that to sound. You most *definitely* are not like Minaj. Here’s a little background: I can go 2 weeks without hearing a song of hers, and somehow, when everything is silent, a faint hum of one of her songs is at the back of my brain. It is in that respect that I compare you. I often find your words echoing in my brain and I will tell you right now, the faint hum of your blog is much more satisfying and vastly more enjoyable.
I apologize profusely for the confusion. That’s what I get for commenting when I’m half-awake. Poop.
Britt recently posted..10 Things That Deserve Some Fist-Bumps

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:36 am

@Britt: I love the HUZZAH. It makes Misty seem like a medieval knight. Which makes me happy.

Jen February 3, 2012 at 8:28 am

OMG-WTF-ABCDEFG!!!!!! OK, when I saw Misty’s name this morning I screamed so loudly that I scared the shit out of my short people and they woke up crying. Meh, samll price to pay — they will recover from the emotional scars but I may never recover from the joy of seeing my crazy-ass bestie’s name in all its glory. :) Welcome to the League, Misty. You are my favorite funny bitch and I can’t wait to tear it up with you in NYC (because you ARE going to BlogHer — this is not optional). I love you!
Jen recently posted..The Office Skank, Redux

Misty February 3, 2012 at 8:34 am

Thanks for warming it up for me. Love you too, chica!
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:38 am

@Jen: I was waiting for your reaction most of all. You did not disappoint.

Also, yes Misty, your ass is going to BlogHer.

Jana February 3, 2012 at 9:27 am


Her shit is always funny….nice job!
Jana recently posted..How we frightened the taco man

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:39 am

Agreed, Jana. So much agreed.

Mayor Gia February 3, 2012 at 9:53 am

Hahahah I think she’s great and absolutely LOVED the buddy the elf one when I first saw it. That shit is fucking creepy.
Mayor Gia recently posted..I Made a Store! Grand Opening!

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:40 am

IT’S TERRIBLE. I find it so weird, but they’re so popular. Misty pulled it off so well.

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd February 3, 2012 at 10:53 am

Yay, Misty! One of these days, I’m going to get a picture of a fabulous fashion mess, and it’ll be awesome, and I’ll send it to you and be all proud. I live in Atlanta, they’re everywhere, it’s just a matter of catching one of them on “film.”
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Dog Rescue: A Cast of Five

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:42 am

I need to get out more. I don’t see enough people to warrant the camera skills that misty has.

Johi February 3, 2012 at 12:24 pm

If I was able to put together my own parade, I would make Misty that honorary Parade person. What do they call that? The Grand Marshall! Misty is my Grand Marshall. FUCK YEAH!

I’ve been taking a lot of cold medicine.
Johi recently posted..Single texting, with subtext.

Misty February 3, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Did you just call me a racist?

Then again . . . I have been called the face of the KKK. So maybe it’s time I do some deep soul-searching or something.

P.S. Get off the drugs, Jo! Crack is whack.
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Johi February 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm

See, I’m so out of it that this entire conversation is confusing. I didn’t even think I mentioned anything about race. I’m just thinking of the person that the parade honors- kind of like the royalty for the day. I’ve been around the parade circuit quite a bit you know. It’s unfortunately one of ‘my things’. That and glitter.
Make it stop…..
Johi recently posted..Whoops. I must have dialed 1986.

Misty February 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm

It’s not you…..I was thinking Grand Wizard when you said that. What you said is NOT that. Sorry.
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:47 am

@Johi: I want to see your cold medicine parade so badly.

@Misty: I think she totally did become Misty racist. GET HER. Oh no, you cleared it up there. Okay. Nevermind.

Charity Woosley February 3, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I love everything about that bitch, except her fuckin’ penchant for feet. SCREW YOU MISTY! PUT THE FEET AWAY.
Charity Woosley recently posted..Fuck You Friday: Metamorphosis Edition (in honor of The Wily Weez)

Mandi E. February 3, 2012 at 1:01 pm

But she’s got such pretty toes! The kind creepy perverts just love drooling all over!
Mandi E. recently posted..WTF Friday: Some (not so) Minor Pet Peeves.

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:48 am

@Charity: I find people who are weird about feet fascinating. I’m ambivalent.

wagthedad February 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Misty rocks. She really does. She is a lawyer, though, so you have to watch yourself around her, because she will jump in your shit faster than you can say “those aren’t my panties.” But I think it is fucking awesome that she just sits there in court and takes pictures of people, because wtf is that even legal? And she’s doing it while getting PAID, and that takes some balls. Although she (most probably) does not have balls, being a chick and all.
wagthedad recently posted..The Biggest Secret For Men on the Internet

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:50 am

I fear that one day I will get sued by Misty. And then I won’t know whether to be excited or afraid.

Dana the Biped February 3, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Oh, god. I’ve seen those elves in Target. You know what else they have in Target? Lots of stuffed animals. My Little Ponies. This. Oh, god.
Dana the Biped recently posted..ZZZZzzzz…. (Part One)

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:52 am

They also have a doll that’s a grandpa that will sing in spanish to you. I love Abuelo. And jackoff trainers.

Misty Brownn February 4, 2012 at 10:31 am

It’s so freaking weird that even I share the name Misty. But still loved every bit of your post. Where can I get the League of Funny Bitches’ podcast?

Thanks for sharing.

Misty Brownn recently posted..Brainwave Entrainment

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:53 am

Should be a link at the bottom of the post. Glad you liked.

Jen February 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

By the way, the podcast was magical. “Blogging is just psychos with internet access”. Hellz to the motherfuckin’ yeah.
Jen recently posted..Kids are Assholes (umm, I Mean, People), Too

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:55 am

Remind me, at BlogHer, to tell you the super-awesome follow-up to that line. Glad you liked it!

Joanne February 9, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Some how i do love how mistys law goes by, For me its a great philosophy that you will face all the matter as long as u know you are able to do it. Lovely!
Joanne recently posted..Wedding Speech Jokes

Misty February 9, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Awesomest spam ever! :)
Misty recently posted..The Story of the Au Pair

Noa February 10, 2012 at 1:56 am

These fucking spammers always get through on the Funny Bitch Friday posts. It’s so rad.

Thoughts Appear February 12, 2012 at 8:38 am

Misty said you were pretty cool, so I here I am. I loved her Buddy the Elf post. Cracks me up!
Thoughts Appear recently posted..My Masterpiece: Frozen Yogurt at its Best

Noa February 15, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Well I’m glad you’re here, and I agree about Buddy!

elizabeth- flourishinprogress February 14, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I love Misty so fucking hard.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: Dragon Water

Noa February 15, 2012 at 11:19 pm

She loves you back.

I mean, I don’t want to speak for her, but probably she does.

{ 3 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: