I swear to God that two of these three are true.
In a Bar.
Grace: Hey, it’s nice that you’re bussing your own table!
Drunk Girl: WHAT DID YOU SAY, BITCH?
Grace: I said…Oh God, I just said it was nice that you bussed your own table. They’re busy tonight.
Drunk Girl: You wanna GO, motherfucker?
Grace: No. No I do not.
Drunk Girl: (threatening arm gestures) HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Grace: Um. What?
Drunk Girl: How are you today, bitch? Are you good today?
Grace: I–think so?
Drunk Girl: You look nice today! DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT?
Grace: Are you fighting me with compliments?
Drunk Girl: WHAT BITCH? HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Grace: Good Lord, what the fuck is happening?
In my hallway, in my bra.
Adrian: Just put some FUCKING CLOTHES ON.
Noa: I don’t wanna go now.
Adrian: Jesus, Noa. It’s been 30 minutes already. We are already late. Just put a fucking shirt on and get in the car.
Noa: I don’t have anything to wear. I don’t look good in anything.
Adrian: You will look fine in literally anything you wrap around your body right now. Anything at all. As long as your nipples are hidden, we are going to this goddamn party.
Noa: YOU DON’T GET IT, ADRIAN. I’M NOT GOING. I DON’T LOOK GOOD IN ANYTHING.
It is, at this point, that I lock myself in the closet.
Adrian: I’m gonna slide some cheerios under the door, and you can come out of your grumpy room when you’re dressed and no longer shouty.
Noa: FUCK OFF.
Any guesses? Let’s play, shall we? Guess which one of mine is true OR give me two truths and a lie OR the best fight you’ve ever been in. Or both. Or pictures of the Krampus. I’m not picky.
—Favorite Comment From The Last Post: From Carrie, The Cannibalistic Nerd: “In one of the commercials a lady ends up with multiple vibrators and she and her husband seem very excited about this over abundance of fake penises, and I always think “One for every hole!” I mean, that’s what they’re trying to say, right?”