Life Inside A Christmas Jewelry Commercial

12/21/2011 · 96 comments

in How Did My Life Come To This, I'm A Terrible Person, Love, Sadist Vagina

Things don’t really improve.

The Christmas Ring – Click here to vote Funny or Die!
Thanks to Nick for the ideas and direction!

I hate those commercials with the fiery passion only Hell can produce. Any other Christmas commercials you hate/love? Tell me about the worst gifts you’ve ever gotten/given! I need ideas…

Favorite Comment from The Last Post:
From Jen: “So. . .how ’bout that crazy weather they’re having in Kansas! Anyone care to chat about the upcoming elections?”


Front Desk Ninja December 21, 2011 at 3:17 am

I thought it was a box of herpes. I was already laughing, and Nick’s angry face and seriousness with the finger in a box (and now my ADD brain is singing Dick in a box), made the video.

One of my favourite Christmas songs, though.

I hate all Christmas commericals. Not a single one makes me smile with Christmas spirit anymore, even those heartwarming Tim Horton’s ones. OH! Have you watched the McDonalds “romantic first Christmas together so I’m going to make a tree out of boxes and lights, buy you McPukes and then give you a gift card so you can get even more later?” one?
No thank you.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..The Post That Starts Out As A Dear You, And Turns Into Talking About Jail Bathrooms Without Soap

Carri December 21, 2011 at 10:46 am

A dick in a box would have been way better.
Carri recently posted..All I Want For Christmas is For This Whore to Go Away

Front Desk Ninja December 21, 2011 at 11:50 pm

S’what I’m saying, right? The finger is just as good, though.
Also. I now must stalk you, because I love reading about other people’s Whore problems.
…I should really work on the Christmas Whore post, too. Priorities.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..The Post That Starts Out As A Dear You, And Turns Into Talking About Jail Bathrooms Without Soap

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:35 am

@FDN: I have never seen or even heard of this mythical Tim Hortons I hear all you bitches talking about. Please tell me more.

@Carri: It crossed his mind. But…papercuts.

Jess December 21, 2011 at 5:06 am

I hate Christmas jewelry commercials with the fire of a thousand suns. Holiday ads in general, actually, but jewelry is the worst.

The lone exception: Allstate’s season ad with the mayhem Christmas tree. A+

Jen December 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

The ‘Mayhem’ guy is HAWT, y’all! And yet I don’t find the actor at all attractive when he’s cleaned up. . .I guess I like my men bleeding and strapped to the hood of a car.
Jen recently posted..I Put The ‘Ho in Holiday

Norway December 21, 2011 at 11:41 pm

“We’re all quite mad here.”

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:36 am

@Jess: Oh, the Mayhem commercials. A lone shining star in a sea of fucktards.

@Jen: Who ISN’T hot to you?

@Norway: You just scared me a bit. I liked it.

Jen December 23, 2011 at 9:21 am

My list of hotness is limited to the following:

1) Nathan Fillion
2) Mayhem Man
3) The tender little morsel working the deli counter at New Seaon’s Market
4) Your friend Nick
Jen recently posted..I Put The ‘Ho in Holiday

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Hey, I remember the ‘Mayhem Man’ from the HBO prison show Oz, and I thought he was pretty funny as Liz’s boyfriend on 30 Rock. Most guys on TV and movies are way too effeminate, so you did good here.

Misty December 26, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Oh snap, THAT’S the mayhem man??? He is so smarmy as Liz’s bf. I guess he’s just a really good character actor. But yeah, totally not sexy on 30 rock. Blech.
Misty recently posted..Happy Christmakwanzukah!!!

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 10:40 pm

For 30 Rock, it’s entirely possible that they uglied him up to help with the sleazy aspect of that character.

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Agreed. The jewelery stores just don’t understand that they don’t relate to the average person at all. The average person is not going to go spend $1,600 on a diamond necklace for their wife for Christmas. And, here’s another huge newsflash to the jewelery retailers: people are even less likely to do if for Valentine’s Day, Groundhog Day, and all the other shit holidays (or because it’s a nice autumn day in Vermont) that they advertise for. Yeah, I got money falling out of my asshole, I’ll go buy the wife diamond earrings that cost more than our house mortgage. That’s guaranteed to do great things for our relationship.

And can anybody tell me what the fuck a “tennis bracelet” is? The jewelery companies seem to think that’s common-knowledge. It’s common knowledge if you grew up in a house larger than your high school, have a butler, and/or your dad drives a car that’s more expensive than the average house in your county, ya fucks. Otherwise, you might want to fill us in. No, I don’t want to ask Brantley behind the jewelery counter. He’ll just wind up getting punched and that’s not good for any of us.

Meg December 21, 2011 at 5:25 am

I’ve seen a jewelry commercial that’s a Navy guy, on a carrier, Skyping with his wife and son and the son gives the mother jewelry on behalf of the father. I HATE this commercial. I am an Navy wife and every time I see it, I want to scream. It’s probably just me, but I feel like they suck for using our separations to sell their crap ass jewelry.
Meg recently posted..Thanksgiving

Angie Uncovered December 21, 2011 at 8:52 am

Amen Meg!
Angie Uncovered recently posted..I wouldn’t even know what to do with a limp one. Would you?

Jen December 21, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Christ on a Croissanwich that commercial grates on me like sand in my vagina! And doesn’t the dad call his son his “wingman”? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the wingman the guy who sleeps with the ugly friend so you can get laid by the hot one. Nice. . .you just called your son a man-whore. . .quality parenting right there, Officer.
Jen recently posted..I Put The ‘Ho in Holiday

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:37 am

@Meg: I HATE that one. What a fucking douche of an ad agency that thinks they’ll bank off of military families. I’m sure that’s fun for all the families without their soldiers this time of year.

@Angie: Seconded.

@Jen: I wished he’d have called his son Goose.

Hoody Hoo December 21, 2011 at 5:57 am

THANK YOU. I too have been puzzled as to why that bitch is so afraid of storms. Jesus, rollerblading Christ, Margaret!
Hoody Hoo recently posted..Let Your Geek Flag Fly

Hoody Hoo December 21, 2011 at 5:57 am

See? She upsets me so badly I over-comma!
Hoody Hoo recently posted..Let Your Geek Flag Fly

Jen December 21, 2011 at 12:49 pm

That little whore isn’t too afraid of blowing and thunder claps to keep from dropping to her knees and getting a little oral clap of her own.
Jen recently posted..I Put The ‘Ho in Holiday

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:38 am

@Hoody: Margaret is a fucking whore.

@Jen: I know the forces of nature get me in the mood to fuck something. Wait…

-Vince December 21, 2011 at 6:27 am

“Every kiss begins with Booze…”

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:38 am

I think you mean mistake.

Kat December 21, 2011 at 6:36 am

All the car commercials!! ESP those ridiculous commercials for Lexus! I mean like wtf, mate? You really going to set guitar hero to play that stupid Lexus song? How freakin lame. If and that’s a huge snowbunnies in hell IF my hubs bought me a car for Xmas he just hand me the damn keys & say Merry Effin Xmas sweetie pie, now let’s eat!

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd December 21, 2011 at 7:45 am

Don’t forget the one where that dude gives his wife a fucking specially made futuristic looking music box that plays the goddamn theme. The only way that commercial would be tolerable was if she ran outside and he was all “Oh, no, I didn’t get you a Lexus. Do you know how expensive custom made music boxes are?”
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Christmas Craft: Humane Rat’s Nest Ornament

Andi December 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm

THAT commercial needs to be made. I would laugh until I cried if I saw that.
Andi recently posted..Blonde Ambition

Mandi E. December 21, 2011 at 7:25 pm


This post got me so riled up this morning that I started writing a reply here and realized that it was like, 2 pages long, so I just moved it to my blog instead. In this economy, who the hell gets a surprise car for Christmas without getting a heads up from their financial institution?
Mandi E. recently posted..Christmas commercials are dirty. And not in a fun way.

Norway December 21, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Oh, THAT’S what that commercial was? I didn’t know Lexus felt they deserved a theme song, so I was really confused as to why they were playing Guitar Hero and then skipped outside all excited-like. Now I see!

You know, that commercial still doesn’t make any sense.

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:40 am

@Kat: My favorite is that Acura commercial that talks about “don’t go to excess this Christmas. Buy an Acura.” REALLY?

@Carrie: I have to ask myself if I would recognize the song being played or if I would just think my husband is fucking weird.

@Andi: Damn. I’m too late to make that one.

@Norway: That’s how my husband gives me all my gifts: with a magical game of Name That Tune.

Mayor Gia December 21, 2011 at 6:44 am

The unrealistic Christmas commercials – especially ones that feature giving cars as presents and the ones that feature SINGING AND DANCING in malls when shopping. Seriously? Going to the mall this time of year is HELL – there’s lots of jostling (i hate jostling), everyone is pissed and rushed, and everything costs money which stresses us all out. These happy, beautifully dressed people who can sing and dance in large spacious malls?? They can go fuck themselves.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Boyfriend’s Business Trip Part II

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:41 am

I love how the malls in those commercials are empty. The malls in Dallas are packed in May, much less December 23rd. Goddamn them all.

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 9:33 pm

I heard that. I’m glad we got our Xmas shopping down by Nov. 15th. I could tell that the malls were a total clusterfuck as I was driving past, there’s no way I was going to stop in 3 days before Christmas. The traffic was nutso enough just going to the grocery store.

Ninja Mom December 21, 2011 at 7:29 am

The ZalesKayUnclePete’sDiamondEmporium extravaganzas are enough to turn me eunuch. If I ever get an open hearts anything or the grown-up version of my eighth grade charm bracelet, I’m getting a fucking divorce. A bottle of wine, a ticket for one to the next Matt Damon movie (the *next* one, not this Zoo business), that’s what I need Hubs.

Because every BJ begins with a mom’s night out and images of Matt Damon as lubricant.
Ninja Mom recently posted..The cost of doing business.

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:42 am

I just pictured Matt Damon on a bottle of astro glide and I have some funny feelings that I can’t explain.

Ninja Mom January 4, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I can explain. With pictures if necessary. Know how much my loins tingle for Matt? I’d ride his blubbery The Informant man FUPA like a vibrating massage chair.
Ninja Mom recently posted..NickMom: The pimp to my working girl.

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Here in Utah, the radio plays the Jared jewelery commercials constantly. I don’t know who Jared is, but I don’t want to me meet him. He’d stand a real high probability of getting my foot in his ass.

Kaarin January 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Oh, my God. I just spit wine on to the computer screen. May I borrow your line?

ColinP December 21, 2011 at 8:41 am

Ok I have to admit my first thought since the video is entitled The Christmas Ring was that it would be a cock ring however the surprise ending still nearly made me choke to death (fucking Christmas cold). Seriously the videos should have a disclaimer warning about potential choking hazards.

As always love the posts.
ColinP recently posted..And then there was rage…

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:43 am

I laughed through so many takes of this commercial–I can’t imagine if I’d have had to be serious about a literal dick. I couldn’t have lasted.

Also, thank you.

Angie Uncovered December 21, 2011 at 9:03 am

I would like to strangle the following people:
-Jane Seymour and everyone at Kay Jewelers (yeah, all of them)
-Every Ad Exec at Lexus who had a hand in their Christmas commercials
-Anyone who gets or gives a car for Christmas
-Whorish bitches who show up to Christmas parties in skanky Santa-esque attire. (bitch even your husband doesn’t want to see you in that so why would we?)
Angie Uncovered recently posted..I wouldn’t even know what to do with a limp one. Would you?

Jen December 21, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I think the amount of Botox in Jane Seymour’s neck would render her un-chokeable.
Jen recently posted..I Put The ‘Ho in Holiday

Angie December 21, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Well her heart is always open… there’s a thought.
Angie recently posted..I wouldn’t even know what to do with a limp one. Would you?

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:44 am

@Angie: FUCKING JANE SEYMOUR. “Keep an open heart.” How ’bout you don’t design jewelry because goddamn that thing is ugly.

@Jen: Would that be the ultimate Zombie defense?

Mandi E. December 21, 2011 at 9:32 am

Sweet baby savior in a shortbread fucking crust, I HATE Christmas commercials. Nothing depletes me of the holiday spirit more than commercials. NOTHING. If I see one more “Every kiss begins with Kay” commercial, I will choke a bitch like Michael Hutchence with a diamond necklace. Every three thousand dollar jewelry purchase begins with blowjobs (plural) and ends with a pearl necklace or you can buy your own damn bling.
Mandi E. recently posted..WTF Friday’s Countdown to Christmas, Part 5: Redneck Spa-tacular and Creepy Gift Double Header

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:44 am

Have you seen the new Zales commercial that ends in a dude getting some poontang? Because I will fuck anything that gives me a diamond. Even Elizabeth Taylor.

Leauxra December 21, 2011 at 10:23 am

I have a friend named Kay that becomes INSANE with rage every time she sees a Kay’s Jewlers commercial. “EVERY KISS DOES NOT START WITH ME, MOTHERFUCKER!” And yes, she shouts this in public at the bar while we watch the game.
Leauxra recently posted..Ghostbusters! (or, The Ghost of Xmas Past)

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:45 am

I love your friend Kay. She sounds like the best person ever.

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 9:40 pm

I’d like to roll with Kay’s crew for an evening. Shit, I’d like to be in the same bar&grill as Kay.

Meg December 21, 2011 at 10:31 am

I don’t watch a lot of TV, so I mostly avoid commercials…but I *do* have a Worst Gift story…

A few years ago, a small package arrived in the mail from my brother and his family in Idaho. “Oh, yay!” I thought, “Christmas present!” I tore into it (I don’t wait for Christmas) and it was…Kleenex.

A six-pack of those little purse-sized plastic-wrapped bundles of Kleenex.


Now, some well-meaning people said, “Well, the Kleenex *did* have Snoopy on them, and you collect Snoopy…it’s the thought that counts, right?” To which I replied: “There was no thought. It’s motherfucking KLEENEX.”

I haven’t exchanged gifts with them since, just cards. And my life is better for it.

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:45 am

Holy shit.

That’s some awful gift. I mean, sure, you’ll use them, but…whoa.

Meg December 26, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Every time I blow my nose in one, I send mental boogers their way.
Meg recently posted..Breaking Through

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Wow, and I thought that some of the gift cards that I gave out were kinda half-assed. But at least you’ve got some choice with a gift card.

Carri December 21, 2011 at 10:44 am

My brother bought me a toilet seat for Christmas one year. Yes, he’s an asshole.

You know who else is an asshole? Guys who propose to their girlfriends on Christmas.
Carri recently posted..All I Want For Christmas is For This Whore to Go Away

Meg December 21, 2011 at 10:51 am

What is it with brothers and terrible gifts?!
Meg recently posted..2011 In Pictures

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:47 am

@Carri: I totally got my engagement ring (my second one with the diamond) on Christmas, but he actually proposed in August at a Chilis with a ring made out of a twist-tie. Does that make me not an asshole?

@Meg: Suddenly, I’m grateful to never have brother.

Jana December 21, 2011 at 10:54 am

You guys suck, now I have that stupid Kay Jewelery song stuck in my head *dying insdie* Outside of the fucking Christmas commericals, can we please slap, kick and punch those stupid On-Star commericals. If I have to hear one of those things again, I will ice pick my brain. (Nothing worse than trying to drive in rush hour traffic feeling teary and pissed)

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:48 am

My sister and I made a game of shouting awful things at On*Star. It will answer you no matter what noise you make…I assure you. Want directions? “MOOOO” Need help? “WAKKAWAKKAWAKKA.”

That’s less fun that it seems now that I type it all out.

Misty December 21, 2011 at 11:43 am

Have you guys heard the one about “He went to Jarred” from Jarred (pause) the Galleria of Jewelry (yes, full name)? I don’t know if this is local or not, but I want to reach into the TV and throttle the actors for saying those insipid lines all the damn time. It is on all year long, but they really up the frequency this time of year. I hate them with a white hot passion.

Worst gift is I’m sure something from my brother as well. However, I cannot give a specific example because I have tried, mostly successfully, to block all childhood memories of christmas. One notable exception is the memory of my mom crying on christmas day. That one just keeps sneaking in there for some reason.

And the video totally has me reminiscing about Dick in a Box. Love it. I also like that he waited until he opened all of his presents from you before giving you the break up finger. Brilliant!!
Misty recently posted..It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

Kat December 21, 2011 at 6:14 pm

“Hey he went to Jared!” I think the more appropriate response would be “Hey he’s trying to get laid, good luck buddy!” Seriously jewelry commercials any time of year are horrible.
The Jared commercial reference reminded me of another reference, the Just For Men commercials. Esp the one where the two girls give their dad a box of hair coloring and say “Dad, its time.” Could you see that being remade into a Christmas commercial? The daughters put the box of hair color into Dad’s stocking and by New Years Eve he’s got a date and sending them pics & telling them not to wait up. Oh yeah Dad’s got no greys and getting laid! MERRY CHRISTMAS & God freakin bless everyone! *bells ring and cue the snow* DAMN I should be in advertising!

Mandi E. December 21, 2011 at 7:32 pm

I went to Jared once. The women working the counters were bitchy and mean when I wasn’t responding positively to the crap they were peddling, so I told them that I found their selection gaudy and in poor taste. Then I stood back and entertained myself by watching their turkey necks pulsate until the jeweler was done with my repair.

He went to Jared… and it killed his inner child.
Mandi E. recently posted..Christmas commercials are dirty. And not in a fun way.

Bill G. January 4, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Hehe, that’s good. When I go into those places, they know I’m low-rent. Their attitude from the start is, “We know you’re not here to actually buy something. Just browse and get the fuck out.”

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:51 am

@Misty: Well, Nick did want to get all his presents, too. I’m a vindictive whore, so I might not have given them to him.

@Kat: “Dad, it’s time,” is how you tell Dad that Mom’s ready to die, or that it’s time for a nursing home. Not for fucking hair color. That shit is absurd.

@Mandi: I hear they get sassy when you don’t feel overwhelmed at their mind-numbing ad campaign that is not unlike North Korean propaganda.

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 9:46 pm

I hate those fucking Jared commercials. If I ever bought anything at that fucktard emporium, I’d have to kick my own ass.

Dana the Biped December 21, 2011 at 1:20 pm

On one of the local radio stations, everytime they come back from commercial, there is a mini two-second ad by a jewelry store that features a woman who sounds like voicing-over a Russian porno saying, “From (insert store name here)? He MUST love me.”


Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:51 am

That’s the saddest line I’ve ever heard. “He bought me shit. He MUST love me.” Wow–women are really thought to be some materialistic whores, eh?

Chris December 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

My worst present was when my brother gave me a brown, oval pillow. It was supposed to be a “Couch Potato”. Groan. Meanwhile I gave him $100 dollars worth of Omaha Steaks. Grrrrrrrrrr!

Meg December 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm

The year my brother sent me Kleenex was the year I had bought him a lovely Hickory Farms box. Better believe I ate that shit myself!
Meg recently posted..2011 In Pictures

Chris December 21, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Unfortunately, I had all ready sent it to him in St Louis. Too far to drive from Chicago, to take it back!

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Dear God, that sort of thing would have me plotting a cat-burglar raid on their house to recoup my gift. And I’d eat the food in their pantry. “Gosh, somebody broke into your house and only took food? Sounds your dog invited friends over, including the Great Dane that could reach all the high shelves and the freezer. Wow, life can really be the shits, eh?”

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:52 am

@Chris: The best part is that it sounds like he put some thought into that before he gave it to you. I’m so sorry.

@Meg: Fuck you and your kleenex. I’m using it to wipe my fucking mouth after eating your delicious sausage. Welp, I’ve grossed myself out.

nadine December 21, 2011 at 1:39 pm

The most hilarious part of the commercials from Kay in my opinion are when the say it’s “The nation’s #1 Jewelry Store” Um, it’s in every single mall. Just because there’s hundreds of them doesn’t mean it’s great, just like Subway.

Bitches don’t want cheap ass shit from Kay. YOU wanna score BJ’s for a whole year straight you go to fucking Tiffany’s for the goods.
nadine recently posted..I’m Nadine and I Support This Message.

Jen December 21, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Damn, girl, I’d even pony up a little girl on girl (or girl on pony) action for some bling from Tiffany’s. ‘Cuz I’m all klassy and shit.
Jen recently posted..I Put The ‘Ho in Holiday

nadine December 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I’m not a jewelry whore but …. come on, for Tiffanys, I’d do lesbo shit and give up the b-hole. Because I am also a classy lady.

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:54 am

@Nadine: There’s a store in Dallas called, “The world’s largest engagement ring store.” Which is true, because it’s 6 stories tall, but the first 5 floors are garage, and half the top floor is rings. Fucking. Liars.

@Jen: You have no standards and I love you.

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Count on it. If I ever win a drawing for some kind of Tiffany jewelery, I’ll be getting it for my wife, not myself. That way, I won’t be getting the usual weekday “we’re dead-ass tired, so let’s hump quickly and be asleep by 10:00″ bullshit, I’m talking anniversary bed-and-breakfast sex here. For Tiffany’s jewelery, she’ll do the kind of shit that you see in the $30 porno tapes.

kim December 21, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Yay! I was wondering what all my happily married friends were doing for Christmas. “blowjob count is near zero.” Hahahahaaaaa!
kim recently posted..absolutely not

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:54 am

We’re buying our own presents, that’s what we’re doing.

Andi December 21, 2011 at 3:29 pm

EVERY SINGLE TIME I see the Kay’s Christmas commercial, “Every kiss begins with Kay,” I end up yelling at the TV, “So does every kick!”
Andi recently posted..Blonde Ambition

Dave in Sherman December 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm

My wife says the same thing, as in”I’ll kick your ass if you buy me that cheap-assed shit.” She HAS a Tiffany ring. :-)

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:56 am

@Andi: Kay: We all hate you. Please, God, GO THE FUCK AWAY.

@Dave: I prize my twist-tie engagement ring more than I ever would a fucking Kay Jewelry anything.

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 11:09 pm

My wife’s favorite earrings are the $50 opal ones that I got for her at an art show. I swear that dude was just trying to unload some of his stuff to get his name out there or just didn’t know the value of what he had. Those have love, workmanship, and imagination in them, not like the Kay’s shit that is stamped out by the millions that every Expedition-driving wanna-be rich-bitch on The Avenues has.

Laura December 22, 2011 at 4:27 am

Can someone please explain the difference between “every kiss begins with Kay” and “all women are whores”? Because I’m pretty sure they mean the same thing.
Laura recently posted..The New Kindle Spark

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:56 am

I cannot explain the difference, because we will all fuck for diamonds.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress December 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

it’s like you took screenshots of my texts with my ex-boyfriend Sam. He was and still is a lunatic.

The worst gift I have ever received was a talking Spongebob Squarepants doll. It wasn’t a plush. Pure plastic. I am shuddering just thinking about it.

Look what you did
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: Do not disturb. Busy doing nothing.

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:57 am

You have gotten some of the most hilariously awful gifts I have ever known. You are too rad for words.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress December 22, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Shitness, sorry I was so late in commenting on the last post but I wanted to tell you that it was funny as fuck and you have a truly amazing sense of humor and I’m sorry that there are some just really dull-witted people out there who don’t get it. Those people probably shouldn’t be allowed to dress themselves let alone comment on blogs, but *sigh* the way of the world is so mysterious sometimes. You really rock and fuck the fuckers. Hard.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: Do not disturb. Busy doing nothing.

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:58 am

I liked my last post. Of all the controversy I thought I’d get, that was sure as hell not what I anticipated.

Thanks for being a good friend. You fucking rock.

Johi December 22, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Worst gift? A hideous ring made out of an elk tooth. And the tooth was the most appealing part (gift giver included.)
Johi recently posted..The Spirit of the Season

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:58 am

Please tell me you have photos.

Robyn December 23, 2011 at 12:20 am

I got my husband one year for Christmas a toothbrush. And socks. That’s it. It was a great Christmas for me though!

Noa December 23, 2011 at 1:59 am

Your husband is one understanding dude. I envy your eking ability.

Robyn December 23, 2011 at 2:13 am least it was one of those vibrating sonic toothbrushy thingies! If the ass would have told me up front what he wanted, because he’s so freekin hard to buy for, we could have avoided the socks at least. He did get lots of candy in his stocking though!

Noa December 26, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Adrian and I overcame that a couple of years ago by just saying, “Fuck it. Just tell me what the fuck you want that no one else will buy for you, and I’ll buy it.” Life has been so much better ever since.

Bill G. December 26, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Every brick through a TV begins with Kay.

Noa January 4, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Has a nice ring to it. HAH. PUN.

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