Merry Christmas, Tiny Asshole
Noa: I swear to God if that child plays with that singing Christmas frog on the plane one more time, I will set it aflame.
Adrian: Which one? The child or the frog?
Noa: Both. Why did they choose to Christmas-ize “Shout?” Aren’t there a million fucking Christmas songs to choose from?
Adrian: Does it make you want to–
Noa: DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY IT.
Adrian: A little bit softer now, Noa.
Noa: I hate your very soul at this moment.
Mary Rode a Donkey To Bethlehem: A Different Interpretation
Noa: Oh my God. Did the pastor just say that they’re going to do a Donkey show for the kids?
Adrian: Well that seems like a harsh way to tell the Christmas Story. Hey kids, watch this donkey fuck a lady while we talk about Mary!
Noa: Right? How is he going to tie that in? That seems awfully avant garde for Christmas Eve.
Adrian: Be good, or you don’t get to see Santa’s Reindeer show!
Noa: I imagine there being a lot of jingling in that one. Perhaps that’s how Mrs. Claus gets her kicks. Do you think they have an Elf just for lubing?
Adrian: Hrrrckk. Oh, no…it’s just a donkey puppet telling the Christmas Story.
Noa: I’m ashamed of how let down I am by that.
Jasmine Is A Scissoring Motherfucker
Adrian: What did you do when we were all skiing?
Noa: Nothing, really. Watched Die Hard. Merry Christmas, motherfucker.
Adrian: Nice. OH. OH GOD. Noa…are the princess dolls for our nieces…?
Noa: Oh that? That’s just the castle gang bang. It seemed more fun than the princesses just standing around a castle.
Adrian: Is Beast…?
Noa: Yeah, turns out Prince Phillip is a furry. Who knew, right?
I’m sorry, Jesus. I’ll stop being terrible someday. Did y’all have a good holiday? Do anything inappropriate or watch someone else do so?
—Favorite Comment From The Last Post: From Petite Heretic: “Dear Noa Thank you for my Christmas gift of yet another blog addiction. As if I needed something *else* to do when I’m hiding from work whilst at work. P.S. I kind of want to be her.”