Texts To People I Shouldn’t Be Able To Talk To: Disney Princesses

11/09/2011 · 122 comments

in I'm A Terrible Person, My Phone Makes Me Hulk-Angry, Sadist Vagina

Stupid bitches. What would you ask or tell those broads if you could?


Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Dana The Biped: “My friend Mike the Deer-Puncher (the deer started it), has a t-shirt advertising prostate cancer awareness. Tagline? “Check Yourself!” It gives me bad mental pictures.”
AND
Paula: “I saw a Trojan ad for bare skin condoms a while back and all I could think of was furry bearskin condoms and how they need to do some photoshopping and add a line about how women’s periods attrack bears.”

Dawn November 9, 2011 at 1:15 am

I’m headed to Disney World in two weeks. Will tell the bitches you said Hey.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 1:20 am

I FUCKING AM TOO. I’m even going on a princess breakfast with my nieces! I can’t wait go get kicked out for being derogatory towards Belle.

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd November 9, 2011 at 9:18 am

I was at Disney World two weeks ago and was so much more excited to see Mary Poppins. Bitch would have a thing or two to say to all them princesses.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..She’s my pumpkin pie, warm boat of gravy such a sweet suprise-I got you a Thanksgiving card!

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:25 pm

MARY POPPINS IS THERE?

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd November 9, 2011 at 9:33 pm

She’s at 1900 Park Fare Character Meal (I looked that up). Where I saw her was at the UK pavilion in Epcot, she’s there on a regular basis. She was awesome, feet in the proper turned out position and ervrythang.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Name Ideas for the Duggars

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:43 am

I can’t wait to get drunk in Epcot and assault Mary Poppins!

Mamy November 9, 2011 at 12:24 pm

We are doing the dinner with a princess in March! I may have to sit on my silverware.
Mamy recently posted..I Would Make an Excellent POTUS

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I am on the line between thrilled and horrified. I may be drinking that day. And by may be, I’ll be shithoused at 8 am.

Jaime November 9, 2011 at 1:34 am

hahahaha.. I got pictures of myself with Ariel when I was at Disneyland in May… she told me I was pretty and I forgave her for everything.
Jaime recently posted..cuz my brain isn’t fully functional right now

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm

This is such a weird question, but I have a reason to ask–Pink dress or fishtail?

Teresa November 9, 2011 at 1:40 am

“So you’re saying that you saw a guy in the forest once, then the next time you saw him, he was in your room kissing you while you were sleeping? And he had to crawl through some bushes and kill the woman trying to protect you? And now you love him? Bitch, that is all kinds of fucked up!”
Teresa recently posted..Cystic Prophesies: A Tale of Two Titties or the Boob Un-cancer Incident, Part MXVII

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm

That’s some MAURY shit right there. Whaaaaaat.

Laura November 9, 2011 at 1:42 am

Telling Snow White that what she’s doing (as opposed to what’s being done to her) is illegal will just discourage her from seeking help. Way to blame the victim, Noa.
Laura recently posted..Time Flies Backwards, Like a Fruit Fly Avoiding a Banana

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:27 pm

I feel like Snow White and I need to have an Old School “MY DAUGHTER IS TOO SEXY” Throwdown. Let’s remember that she had every chance to go home. Bitch chose to stay.

Laura November 9, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Disney princesses are particularly susceptible to Stockholm Syndrome.
Laura recently posted..Time Flies Backwards, Like a Fruit Fly Avoiding a Banana

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:42 am

Lessons in each movie are mental illnesses. Sweet.

Bri November 9, 2011 at 1:52 am

Alice is a crazy bitch, but totes not a princess. You win for not including Tinkerbell though. That bitch makes ME Hulk-Angry. What an incorrigible slut (you know she has no idea what that means). “He broke up with Wendy and guess what?! HE STILL DOESN’T WANT YOU!”
Bri recently posted..Things They Need to Hear Thursday: Confused Girls Edition

Jillian (The Other One) November 9, 2011 at 9:57 am

Although I agree that Tinkerbell isn’t a princess, she’s actually my favorite because I think she’s the only one who has true feelings. Not like, “Oh, while I whistfully wait for a rando stranger to sweep me off my feet, I’m going to sing in a mellow but always optimistic voice to attract strange woondland creatures who definitely don’t have rabies.” More like, “Bitch, this is my turf, and I’m going to pull your hair until you come to your senses and go back to wherever the fuck you came from!”
Jillian (The Other One) recently posted..Dude, I Was Totally Going To Say That

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:28 pm

I…I do not like Tink. At all. She’s gotten too much press, like Taz and Tweety. She’s become an awkward Wal-marctic symbol.

Jillian (The Other One) November 9, 2011 at 9:54 pm

I understand. But I’m still sad.
Jillian (The Other One) recently posted..You Are My Hero, Bumper Sticker Man

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:28 pm

I knew I was borderline with Alice, but considering Wonderland was originally written to be an allegory of new mathematical theory, I’mma tell Alice to suck it.

Norway November 11, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Are you serious? I legitimately thought it was drugs. Or I’m losing my touch at sensing sarcasm and it still is drugs. Oops.

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:28 am

It’s totally crazy, but totally true.

Miss Sassy Pants November 9, 2011 at 2:19 am

To Princess Jasmine:

“Fuck you and your MC Hammer pants.”

The end.
Miss Sassy Pants recently posted..This post is about armpit sweat.

Jillian (The Other One) November 9, 2011 at 10:00 am

Now I know what I’m getting you for Christmas.
Jillian (The Other One) recently posted..Dude, I Was Totally Going To Say That

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:29 pm

I’m so very jealous.

Jillian (The Other One) November 9, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Two pairs of Hammer Pants it is.
Jillian (The Other One) recently posted..You Are My Hero, Bumper Sticker Man

Miss Sassy Pants November 10, 2011 at 8:21 am

All my dreams just came true.
Miss Sassy Pants recently posted..This post is about armpit sweat.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Amen, sister. Amen.

Front Desk Ninja November 9, 2011 at 2:58 am

Belle: More than 3 outfits are needed.

Jasmine: You go off with a liar, and your giant tiger can’t save you? Bitch, please.

Ariel: Seriously. Her name is Ursula. What part of that says “warm and loving” to you?

Tiana: A girl who kisses reptiles just to get a restaurant.

Aurora: 3 old ladies taking care of you in the woods for 16 years. Not creepy at all.

I could go on. Really, I could. But there’s no point. Disney still ruined me for reality.

Maria A Ortiz November 9, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Tiana kissed an amphibian.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Touche.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:30 pm

I couldn’t remember Aurora’s story well enough to talk to her. It’d be like texting that friend from high school that you have to do that weird 20 minute catch up game with.

Dani November 10, 2011 at 3:01 pm

The bitch took a long nap.

The end.
Dani recently posted..Appearing now on Facebook: Karma

Front Desk Ninja November 10, 2011 at 11:59 pm

The bitch was kidnapped (for her own good) by 3 fairies who gave up their wands, and then as they could see the finish line, fucked it up by using wands,
and then had to rely on a rebellious prince to kiss her stupid ass awake.

stupidest movie ever, and of course my niece loves it times 19128947328109.
Woke up to “Hey auntie aunt can we watch Aurora again?” today.

Wanted to punch myself in the face.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..What.The.Fuck. Wednesdays

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd November 11, 2011 at 10:40 am

And the reason they used the wands? To make a damn dress, and then argued over the color. Idiots.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Name Ideas for the Duggars

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:28 am

If you’re in a Disney movie and you have tits, you have no brain. THANKS, WALT.

Abby November 9, 2011 at 6:19 am

Grow some ball, put on a pair of pants and rid yourself of the notion that a man will make you happy. Also, small woodland creatures do not voluntarily help you with housework and home decor does not talk. If they do, it means the apple you ate was laced with some really good shit.
Abby recently posted..A Thanksgiving PSA

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Singular ball?

Jasmine was the only one with pants and she chose to complement that with–no shirt.

Lianne Marie Binks November 9, 2011 at 6:19 am

And this, this is why I love you. *dies laughing*

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Why thank you!

Mandi E. November 9, 2011 at 6:52 am

I cannot think of one single Disney Princess who was a stable, well adjusted young woman with a positive female role model.

Except maybe Nala from the Lion King, but she wasn’t really a princess and as much as it would have kicked ass to see her fuck the meerkat’s shit up, the movie would’ve been a real downer after that.

Oh, and Belle? Say no to Stockholm Syndrome.
Mandi E. recently posted..Madness in a Pretty Package: Conversations with Ken

Dani November 9, 2011 at 11:20 am

On a completely unrelated note, why does Oprah remind me of Mufasa? Every damn time I see her commercials for Oprah’s Life Class, my brain plays the opening scene of The Lion King, where all the animals come to worship Young Simba. I get a visual of Oprah hiring a Shaman Baboon to hold Rosie up in the air and present her to the masses.

*You may now go back to your regularly scheduled programming: Disney Princess. And… GO.
Dani recently posted..The Duggar-Bobs are at it again…

Jen November 9, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Yeah, but considering there was only one female Mama Lion in the pride that means Nala and Simba were brother and sister, so there was obviously some Greg/Marcia Brady-esque co-mingling of nasties goin’ on there. ((s-l-o-w-c-l-a-p)) nice job Walt Disney, you sick fuck.
Jen recently posted..An Anti-Social Story

Maria A Ortiz November 9, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Nala did have a different mother, they are together talking when Simba comes to tell Nala that he has something cool to show her. THere are actually a whole bunch of lionesses in the pride.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:33 pm

And not a one worth a damn. Not a one.

Mandi E. November 9, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Either I was high on cock when I was watching that movie, or I watch too much Animal Planet. Aren’t prides typically 1-2 males and a crap load of lionesses? Like some kind of hee-haw harem on safari…
Mandi E. recently posted..What good are any kind of boots that won’t fit in someone’s ass?

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Yes. AND THE LIONESSES DO ALL THE WORK, NOT AT ALL WHAT DISNEY HAS PORTRAYED.

I am really, really rageful at The Lion King.

Norway November 11, 2011 at 4:46 pm

That IS how it works in the Lion King! When Scar was in charge, the hyenas were complaining about being hungry and he reminds them “The lionesses do the hunting” and tells them to eat that obnoxious bird Zazu. Also, the only male lions I remember seeing (besides Simba) are Mufasa and Scar, so I think Disney still wins.

Not that I went and payed $13 to see it it in theatres with all of my friends or anything…. That would have been childish and borderline obsessed!
Oh. Wait. Well, stop judging me!

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:29 am

Norway.

No.

Fuck Disney.
That is all.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:33 pm

@Mandi: FUCKING NALA COULDN’T KICK SCAR’S ASS ON HER OWN. SHE LEFT HER MAMA TO FEND FOR HERSELF TO FUCK SIMBA IN THE JUNGLE TO GET HIM TO COME HOME, KILL SCAR, AND KNOCK HER ASS UP.

I have more problems with The Lion King than I’m really comfortable with.

Mandi E. November 9, 2011 at 9:41 pm

That settles it, then. I was totally high on cock the day that movie was on.
Mandi E. recently posted..What good are any kind of boots that won’t fit in someone’s ass?

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:29 am

I want to be high on cock. Is it awesome?

Kelly November 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: Alternately titled, Stay-At-Home-Bitch and her Brother Husbands.

Belle: Bestiality is okay because he’ll be human after we do it.

Ariel: Why does your hair never look wet? And why when your boat tipped over did you not turn back into a fish? DARRYL HANNAH DID. Mermaid fail, on your part.

Jasmine: Quit your bitchin’. You’re rich.
Kelly recently posted..My husband should trade me in for a new model: Episode 3

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Kelly.

Kelly.

I fucking love you.

Kelly November 9, 2011 at 10:57 pm

And I you, sugar britches.
Kelly recently posted..My husband should trade me in for a new model: Episode 3

Petite Heretic November 9, 2011 at 9:59 am

As I reject Facebook, I will do something here and now that I never ‘get’ to do:

‘LIKE’
petiteheretic ‘liked’ your post.
Petite Heretic recently posted..Nesting! …courtesy of Paul Simon

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:36 pm

I’m so honored I shit myself.

Ally November 9, 2011 at 10:00 am

Don’t forget about Jasmine. She teaches little girls that if you dress slutty, men will compete for your affection.

Ok, so she is right, but she still doesn’t need to be teaching 4 year olds that.
Ally recently posted..I am a Mess.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Bitch wouldn’t answer me.

Dani November 9, 2011 at 10:23 am

Dear Snow White,

Midget porn is no way for a Princess to conduct herself.

Love,

Dani

Dear Princess Aurora,

“Pricked your finger on a spinning wheel”? Really? You believe that shit? They slipped you a roofie so that prick could do you on the spinning wheel. Get a clue.

Love,

Dani

Dear Cinderella,

Glass slippers? Dude, those are lucite stripper heels. Stop trying to class up the fact that you’re a whore.

Love,

Dani

Dear Belle,

Love isn’t supposed to hurt.

Love,

Dani

Dear Jasmine,

Magic carpet ride? Bitch, stay off the hookah.

Love,

Dani
Dani recently posted..The Duggar-Bobs are at it again…

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Oh my god. The Fairy Godmother is a pimp. She’s a fucking pimp.

How did I never see it?

Gretchen November 9, 2011 at 10:33 am

My favorite part is the timestamp. This is what you do at almost 2 AM.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:38 pm

I have a weird, reclusive life.

Heather Rose November 9, 2011 at 11:25 am

To Jasmine: You know he’s just using his magic carpet to get to your magic carpet…
Heather Rose recently posted..Herman Cain: He ain’t a joke (he’s the punchline)

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:39 pm

I see what you did there, Heather. And I like it.

Jen November 9, 2011 at 11:42 am

Dear Snow White,
Two whole hours I watched and all you ate was a fucking apple? wake up and smell the eating disorder, Mary Kate.

Dear Ariel,
Nice message. Give up the tail and shut the fuck up and your prince will come. News flash, Paris Hilton: He ain’t gonna buy the tank when he’s gettin’ the fish for free.

Dear Mulan,
Please tell me of a single time when a woman joining an all-male army didn’t result in a gangbang of epic proportions. Hmmm. . .almost makes me want to enlist.

Dear Disney Channel,
Kudos on providing such positive female role models for our young girls! Every time I see Miley Cyrus flipping off the camera while she takes another bong hit or watch Selena Gomez dry-humping Justin Bieber I take a sigh of relief and thank the baby Jeebus that I have boys.
Jen recently posted..An Anti-Social Story

Misty November 9, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Amen on the having boys part, sistah!
Misty recently posted..You like me. You really like me!!

Jen November 9, 2011 at 7:36 pm

After seeing all of the prostitots this Halloween I was tempted to go home and give myself a hyterectomy with a rusted spork to ensure I would never breed a girl-child.
Jen recently posted..An Anti-Social Story

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Ow.

Oh ow. Ow.

Noa November 9, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Jen: I have no beef with Mulan. I have beef with the Disney creators and everyone else in that goddamn movie, but not with Mulan.

Norway November 11, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Mulan is a badass. With cool songs.

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:30 am

It’s true. She is my favorite of all.

Margie January 15, 2012 at 2:31 am

At last! Somtiheng clear I can understand. Thanks!

smzsbsbd January 16, 2012 at 2:33 am

sPD5ev zbooapuevtsl

zsmvnffzzey January 17, 2012 at 8:34 am

BekYQf vvlujqqlkksv

Dana the Biped November 9, 2011 at 12:43 pm

I’d comment on how this is awesome, and I’ve always thought those chicks were trollops, but because the almighty, all-funny Oh Noa thinks that I was funny once, I’m too busy having a heart attack instead.

If I survive this, I’m framing this post.
Dana the Biped recently posted..The Strangest Day

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:30 am

Please photograph for evidence.

I mean…cherished memories.

Handflapper November 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm

WTF, Noa? You titled this wrong, wrong, WRONG. You totally should be talking to these people, because bitches need to hear this shit!

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:31 am

I just found out these bitches are fictional, which brings to mind…who the fuck did I talk to?

Andi November 9, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Ariel always enrages me. You disobey your father, trade away your best ability for that walking bullshit, then you fall in love with someone who has the emotional depth of applesauce. You know what happens to you in the real story? YOU DIE. That’s right, Hans Christian Anderson killed you off because you’re too stupid to live.
Andi recently posted..I’d Like to Thank the Academy….

Norway November 9, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Not to mention she’s the skinniest bitch ever. On a related note, my best friend and I tend to bash on her every time we watch the movie.

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:31 am

As you should.

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:31 am

THANK YOU for knowing the original ending. Fucking trollop.

Misty November 9, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Tangled and Beauty & the Beast: If the love of your life dies, your true love feelings will bring them back to life in an epic swirling display of light shows and transformation into a kind and decent human. Blech.
Misty recently posted..You like me. You really like me!!

Front Desk Ninja November 11, 2011 at 12:33 am

You just ruined Tangled for me. I haven’t watched it because my niece hasn’t had a visit from Santa yet.

Thanks, Misty.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..What.The.Fuck. Wednesdays

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:32 am

Whoops…

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:32 am

I’d like to try this ’round my place, but I hear the manslaughter charges aren’t magical.

CJ November 9, 2011 at 3:41 pm

This is totally along the lines of an AWESOME picture that The Bloggess pinned (on her pinterest thingamajig – fuck I’m clued up!) – it was a still from “Cinderella”, showing Cinderella running off down the stairs away from her glass slipper (that had fallen off), and some genius had captioned it – “Bitch be drunk as hell, losing shoes and shit”. I found this FAR more amusing than anyone else I know (WTF?!).

And it is at this point that I admit that I have actually never seen a Disney Princess movie – I think I’ve seen bits of Snow White, and maybe bits of Cinderella, but that’s about it. I might have seen most of the Lion King while baby sitting years ago. I’m only 30, so I’m not sure what the HELL went wrong (or is that right?) in my childhood…. possibly has something to do with my parents’ rule of “No TV unless it’s raining” – we lived in a somewhat drought-stricken area….

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:33 am

I spent all of Friday hunting that picture down and then laughing my ass off before sending it to everyone I know.

Thank you.

Sadie Sez November 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

“When you wish upon a star” my ass!
Sadie Sez recently posted..Hollister Shopping Bag Mystery

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:33 am

Walt had access to some killer drugs.

LKat November 9, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I would tell Aurora she is a slut for wanting to bang Phillip at age 16, that she is a dumb ass ho for getting so excited over a fucking spinning wheel that she pricks her finger, and that she should have kept the name Aurora: Briar Rose is way too much of a porn star name.
LKat recently posted..A rant on coffee and coke (soda, not the drug)

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:34 am

I think she’s 50/50 on the stripper name thing. She was fucked either way.

Mayor Gia November 9, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Oh this is all soooo true. How about Jasmine: TIGERS AREN’T PETS. Go ahead, keep hugging Rajah. He’s totally not going to eat you.

Seriously, get a bunny.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Second Grade Was a Very Big Year for Me

Dani November 10, 2011 at 3:03 pm

That girl needs to watch a few episodes of Fatal Attractions on Animal Planet.

Truest fucking story ever.
Dani recently posted..Appearing now on Facebook: Karma

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:34 am

Bitch does what she wants.

/face ripped away

Mamy November 9, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Oh hell, I’m going against the grain…
Dear Belle,
Thank you for:
1)Eating(I remind my daughter of this when she says “Princesses don’t eat”, because you’d be hard pressed to see many of them actually eat!)
2)Not picking the hunk who was shallow
3)Looking past the ugly to the person inside
4)READING!
5)Talking respectfully to your father
XOXO, Mamy
Mamy recently posted..I Would Make an Excellent POTUS

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:37 am

Okay. While I agree with all but one of your points…let’s talk for a second.

3) Looking past the ugly to the person inside. I’m gonna call bullshit on this one. He was, without a shred of doubt, an emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive monster. Quasimodo is looking past the shell to the beauty. Beast is looking past the fur into a court order.

Given the choice between Gaston or Beast, I’d have lezzed the fuck out.

Mamy November 14, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I concede on that point.
Here’s to hoping they have Mimosa’s at the breakfast!
Mamy recently posted..I Would Make an Excellent POTUS

margarita November 15, 2011 at 7:28 am

LOL…..past the fur into a court order. HEHE
margarita recently posted..I HATE MY LANDLORDS.

Tracy November 9, 2011 at 8:23 pm

“He fed birds once, though!”.

Dying laughing.
Tracy recently posted..101 things in 1001 days

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:37 am

Thank you!!

Megan November 9, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Dear Mulan,
Don’t be surprised if the Christian coalition comes after your ass. Didn’t you know being a tranny is what Jesus would do? Good luck with your ace bandaged boobies.
Love
Megan
Ps: did you use an actual fake cock or just a sock? I’m sure my 4 year old daughter is gonna need that gem when she decides she wants to be a Mulan Tranny Warrior for halloween next year.
Megan recently posted..Waking up…

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:37 am

You have the most awesome 4 year old ever.

wagthedad November 10, 2011 at 1:39 pm

As a father who insisted on never buying his daughter any princess shit, but then got screwed over because his daughter’s a princess and makes him buy princess shit, and also because my own father, who never visits, sends Barbies in 4-bitch lots (not kidding) every Christmas, Easter, Hannukah and fucking Passover, Flag Day, Birthday, and Cinqo de Mayo, I have to say one thing to all those princess sluts up there:

Gonna get me a blowtorch and some barbed wire and get medieval on your ass.
wagthedad recently posted..Jaime’s So Fuzzy

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:38 am

I’ll be packing my blowtorch for my visit to Disney next week. Thanks for the tip!

margarita November 10, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Rapunzel, Rapunzel: do NOT let down your hair. Trust me, men are ASSHOLES and you are better off holed up in your fucking tower. Alone. And unless you are trying to give yourself back problems so that you are eligible for a breast reduction, lose the fucking hair anyway. It’s too weighty and honestly, just not fashionable anymore.

To the Princess and the Pea: I don’t know WHY you are so sensitive, but GET OVER IT. The world is not a kind place and if a green pea will put your back out, I can’t imagine what an actual PROBLEM might do…
margarita recently posted..FLY GUYS

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:38 am

Best part about that movie? The breaking and entering. GOOD LESSONS.

Monica November 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

I’d ask Cinderella why the fuck she would ever trust someone who made her wear glass slippers.

Cindy: Glass is not designed to be stepped on. It hurts. Your Fairy Godmother is an asshole.
Monica recently posted..Dear Old Ladies: My Husband is Not a Pervert

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:39 am

It was the predecessor to pageants!

Feryx November 10, 2011 at 10:44 pm

You forgot Mulan. racist. But I guess she can’t speak english anyway
Feryx recently posted..Red means GO!

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:39 am

I have only love for Mulan, really. I couldn’t be an ass to her because I LOVE HER. I dislike pretty much every other character in that movie, but Mulan? She was rad as fuck.

kim November 11, 2011 at 8:25 am

From princesses to Barbies to these Monster High hooker dolls – the sad crew of PC friends I had when I was married gave me shit, said that with these toys I was (am) teaching my daughter about subordinate roles for women and promoting an unrealistic body image. My kid can tell the difference between a doll’s body and real life. She noticed right away that Barbie didn’t have a vagina and that the Monster High hooker’s head was too big and her body was too small. No one was worried about Cabbage Patch Dolls influencing body image, were they?

And I refuse to take my kids to Disneyland because $3000 for a four day vacation with kids is just plain stupid. People charge that shit, then complain about the banks taking advantage of them. Dumb. Asses.
kim recently posted..dragonfly

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:41 am

Those fucking dolls. I have an entire tirade that’s wholly inappropriate for this blog about those bitches. GOOD FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. You done raised her right.

Also, we’re totally going to Disney in 2 weeks because we’re superjews who are taking 8 people for less that what you have placed up there. Superjew for the win.

Noa November 14, 2011 at 1:42 am

You know what? I went back and added it all up, and it’s just a little over that price, but I’m still pretty fucking proud. And scared now, because that doesn’t include food. I’m an asshole. I’ll shut my face now.

kim November 14, 2011 at 7:45 am

You’re getting 8 folks to Disneyland for what Grandma paid to take my kids ( I stayed home with my sunny disposition), you should be totally proud. Ride the rides and have a blast!

p.s. Grandma footing the bill qualifies me for Superjew and asshole status.
kim recently posted..Be Gone, Evil Christmas!

Noa November 15, 2011 at 12:09 pm

FUCK YES GRANDMA FOOTS THE BILL. You win at Superjew.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress December 1, 2011 at 5:39 pm

How can I get these bitches to text me. I want to know if they have any old shoes or clothes or jewelry they can spare. I’m secretly training to be a princess.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: This one may kill me. Nice knowing you.

Noa December 4, 2011 at 8:46 pm

I hear you’re pretty good at Mulan.

Which is a reference to a post you wrote once, not a racial comment. FUCK.

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