Is What You’re Wearing Socially Appropriate?

11/02/2011 · 128 comments

in I'm A Terrible Person, What Is Wrong With You?

I’ve seen some really ridiculous clothing choices this week. My favorite has been a girl wearing only a bra and panties, walking to class with her backpack like it’s what she does every single goddamn day. What crazy outfits have you seen lately? What’s the craziest outfit you’ve ever seen?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Abby: “Accidentally turning on the garbage disposal instead of the light above my sink. I’m not even kidding. It’s my Vietnam.” 

Front Desk Ninja November 2, 2011 at 2:59 am

Noa,

First let me say that I feel like such a fcking stalker sometimes for commenting two miliseconds after you post stuff. But Facebook notifies me and I have been *really* productive at work lately, so I have nothing to do but wait for funny shit to be posted.

Secondly, that chart hurt my head. But in a good, I sniggered at it and ended up not wearing real clothes because I liked the other options better.

Thirdly, my class last night, … someone forgot to tell a girl it wasn’t Halloween anymore. Or she was wearing the bodysuit for… fun? A nude/meshy/see-through coloured body suit.
It was the most awkward two hours of my life. My teacher ended class early because of her. I know where her moles are, whether or not the carpet and curtains match, and may never recover.

Anything else I’ve witnessed recently won’t compare. My eyes are still leaking liquids.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..An Open Letter To Less Intelligent Hookers

Front Desk Ninja November 2, 2011 at 3:00 am

******I misspelled the swear word on purpose. I wanted to throw that out there.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..An Open Letter To Less Intelligent Hookers

Noa November 2, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Here’s the ultra creepy part–since you’ve started this trend of hyper-speed commenting, I try to see if you’ve commented before I go to sleep.

Yeah, that’s right, I’m stalking you RIGHT THE FUCK BACK.

I used to joke with a weird friend in high school how funny it would be to show up in a nude body suit, because it was technically clothing (this was when I was working out 6 hours a day and had a rockin’ body), while never following through. Her name wasn’t Emily, was it?

Norway November 3, 2011 at 11:44 pm

You worked out in high school? Well, FRICK! I need to step up my game now Noa!

Front Desk Ninja November 4, 2011 at 12:19 am

You just made my fricking day.
Legit.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..An Open Letter To Less Intelligent Hookers

Hoody Hoo November 2, 2011 at 6:14 am

Bitch please, I live in Wes’BYGAWD Virginny AND I shop at Walmart. It’s a red-letter day when I DON’T see a stranger’s ass crack and/or nipple.
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asplenia November 2, 2011 at 7:58 am

Laughing my ASS off at this comment!! My whole ass. It just fell off. You couldn’t tell though, because I actually wear clothes. Many of them.
asplenia recently posted..This is why I hate chat.

Noa November 2, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Hoody has that effect on people.

Bethany November 2, 2011 at 2:25 pm

I am from Wes’BYGAWD and I fully relate. I saw my first nutsack at a Walmalt!
Bethany recently posted..Dick The Halls

Bethany November 2, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Goddamn it. Fucking fat fingers. Walmart…not Walmalt.
Bethany recently posted..Dick The Halls

Noa November 2, 2011 at 7:27 pm

You’ll always remember your first nutsack.

Noa November 2, 2011 at 7:08 pm

I see your nipple and raise you half a nutsack, Hoody.

Hoody Hoo November 3, 2011 at 6:25 am

I call — I myself have seen BOTH sides simultaneously of the nutsack of someone who was wearing those ain’t-I-cool ripped jeans. AND HE SEEMED COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF IT.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 10:42 am

You know, if my twat was feelin’ the breeze, I’d notice. I’d fix it.

Teresa November 2, 2011 at 6:41 am

I made the mistake of going to the local mall on Halloween, where 1000s of children were trick-or-treating at the stores. The number of slutty mummy costumes at an event clearly meant for children was baffling. I couldn’t figure out the purpose of a slutty-batgirl outfit (the next cloth interruption on the way up from her thigh high boots was the lower half of her utility belt). Who is she trying to turn on? The fathers who were shifting theirs eyes, trying to avoid checking out 12 year girls in slutty princess costumes? Or was it to titillate young cowboys and transformers? Either way, ewww thank you.
Teresa recently posted..Cystic Prophesies: A Tale of Two Titties or the Boob Un-cancer Incident, Part MXVII

Noa November 2, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Anyone who wears a utility belt as pants is really not looking to raise her standards, you know?

Teresa November 2, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Truth be told, I was kind of jealous (of the utility belt part – not of the barely clad cooter part). Who wouldn’t want a grappling hook, or a flame thrower, or tranquilizer tipped darts within arms reach? For instance, my wine is on the counter, but I am sitting on the couch. A grappling hook/suction cup device would be very useful right now.
Teresa recently posted..Cystic Prophesies: A Tale of Two Titties or the Boob Un-cancer Incident, Part MXVII

Noa November 3, 2011 at 10:44 am

I have to imagine though that she wore it about as well as strippers who wear firefighter gear on stage–why take the tools away from those who’d use them just to cover your snatch?

I totally agree with you about the usefulness of the utility belt though. I’d really fucking love a knifey boomerang on hand at all times.

Bill G. March 16, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Yes, this is what kills me. I can sorta relate to slutty cat-woman costumes for women and weird suggestive costumes for guys (offering free mammograms or something) who are adults and going to a trashy Halloween party that is only attended by other legal adults. Where I have the problem is 12 year old girls showing up on my doorstep trick-or-treating and looking like that. Not only am I scared that dad will come out of the shadows leading with a knockout punch for thinking that I’m gazing for too long or that she’ll go home and tell her 6’6″ kickboxing champion dad that I was checking out her goods, I just don’t want to carry that image around in my head. Thanks for making me feel like a disgusting lecher for answering my own door.

What really kicks me in the teeth are the costumes that sexualize 6 and 8 year olds (not that it’s any better for 12 year olds). I have a 4 year old daughter and I couldn’t believe the shit that I was seeing when shopping for a costume for her. What the fuck is wrong with the companies producing this shit, and what the fuck is wrong with people who are buying it? I’m not offended by a lot but I find this stuff really offensive.

MJ Pinup November 2, 2011 at 6:53 am

Walking out of a certain retail clothing chain in the freak fucking snowstorm in Philadelphia on Saturday, I saw some chick, with her children in tow, wearing a leather jacket, what I can only describe as control top black pantyhose and hooker heels. I’m a little saddened I did not get a photo but at the same time, it would have made my phone melt and at least I was with someone else to witness this. Did I mention IT WAS FUCKING SNOWING?!?!?!

Noa November 2, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Nothing classier than giant strappy heels in a blizzard. It just says, “I’ve really thought about my life.”

Mandi E. November 2, 2011 at 7:01 am

I don’t know if it was technically a Halloween walk of shame or if he was on his way to class, but I saw a guy yesterday morning riding his dildo of a moped dressed as cookie monster. Furry blue on a buzzing pink dildo of a gas powered conveyance. And me with no coffee…

As I was making the move from Southern California to Wisconsin, we drove through the bleakest, most desolate part of Arizona and saw Jesus Christ in long robes, wheeling his cross down I-40 in 120 degree sun. I would have taken a picture, but I was too awestruck by the sight of it. So it probably was Jesus and my atheist ass is going straight to hell. Because clearly, I’m an asshole.
Mandi E. recently posted..Attitudinally warm and fuzzy. Watch out for the claws.

Noa November 2, 2011 at 7:43 pm

I saw a gorilla on a huffy yesterday being closely followed by a man in only overalls.

There are so many reasons why I love halloween.

Misty November 2, 2011 at 8:01 am

Really? Is this a serious question for me? You’ve seen my blog, right? This is practically all I talk about and show pictures of!!

Ok, recently . . . hmm, there was this guy who worked at Costco who was walking around in pants and a hoody (hood up) with a very long and fluffy white tail coming out of his pants and when he took the hood down, he had on some sort or white furry hood with ears. Ok, fine, it was in fact Halloween, but still. That dude did not buy that just for the holiday. He just pulled his furry outfit out of the closet, for sure. And note that nobody else was dressed up for Halloween at the entire store, so it’s not like it was a dress up at work day.

I also saw this big burly guy in a bright orange work vest zip by me on the road on a hot pink vespa. It was interesting to say the least.
Misty recently posted..Conversations with My 6 Year Old: Part Deux

Noa November 2, 2011 at 7:47 pm

You are the queen of seeing fucked-up outfits. Ah, government, a never ending source of fuckery.

asplenia November 2, 2011 at 8:02 am

I live in a college town and lately feel like a grandmother because of my shocked “you’re wearing THAT in this weather/to school/on walk of shame/etc.” outbursts in the car. I cannot believe the shortness of today’s “in” skirts or shorts, nor the fact that rain and sleet do not seem to hinder such wearing. Clothes are supposed to be protective right, since humans don’t have fur (at least not voluntarily)?
asplenia recently posted..This is why I hate chat.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:19 am

At Texas universities, it is very much the style to wear Nike running shorts and galoshes, regardless of weather conditions.

I really, really hope these girls look back one day and think, “goddamn I was dumb then.”

Elly Lou November 2, 2011 at 8:03 am

So it’s wrong to wear up cycled pear skins? Boo.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:20 am

I can’t imagine they offer much protection. Plus the whole bird thing…

Jayne November 2, 2011 at 8:19 am

No pics? Color me uber disappointed.
I don’t need psychotherapy. Just reading this raised my self esteem 20 points.

I live for that shit.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:22 am

I never think to take pictures at the time. I’m usually just so flabbergasted at the fuckery that I stare and tear up a little.

Kelly November 2, 2011 at 8:27 am

I live in a town with six (I’m not even kidding) Walmarts and a sprinkling of assorted Dollar General/Tree stores. I can guarantee that a trip to any of them will result in something that will require my retinas to be bleached. I think the most interesting thing I’ve seen was a guy wearing long johns, work boots, a pink tutu, and a John Deere hat. Just walking down the street in the middle of the day. I’m assuming it had something to do with fraternity initiation. But who knows – maybe he was the object of some cat lady’s fantasy, and is lucky he didn’t wind up on an episode of SVU. Not sure I really want to know.
Kelly recently posted..I’m not funny today.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:25 am

I really very much hope it was a bet.

Seeing as how we’ve been reading Brokeback Mountain in my Short Story Survey class right now, I do have a hard time believing it.

Dani November 2, 2011 at 8:51 am

Everyone here thinks it’s 1992 and that they would fly straight to hell if they changed out of the mom jeans, Old Navy sweatshirts, and tennies. So I’m pretty sure if any of them are reading this, they will describe the middle-aged chick with the mohawk shopping at the Price Chopper last week.

Meanwhile, back in 1981, I lived in San Francisco and regularly bought my illegal booze (I was 18) from a liquor store at the corner of Polk and Post by a burly transexual who looked like Dick Butkus in a dress. I regularly gave him make-up tips and he rewarded me by not carding my obviously underage ass.

Those were the days, my friend.
Dani recently posted..Notes from the marriage bed…

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:28 am

I live in the epicenter of Hipsterdom in Dallas, and 2 blocks from the gay district. I don’t have to see a lot of Old Navy hoodies, but I do see an inordinate amount of nutsack.

Jen November 2, 2011 at 10:09 am

There is a wizard that lives in the alley behind my office. He is there, rain or shine replete in his Speedo, cape, and bedazzled pointed cap. I often see him engaged in lengthy diatribes with his “neighbor”; the guy who wears a tutu and necklace comprised of severed Barbie doll heads. I fucking love P-town so much!
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Misty November 2, 2011 at 10:50 am

Jen, for crying out loud, have I taught you NOTHING? Pictures, goddamnit!! PICTURES! That sounds fucking magically and I must witness it with my own eyeballs immediately.
Misty recently posted..Conversations with My 6 Year Old: Part Deux

Dani November 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Misty, I want to be you when I grow up. I will never forgive myself for not hauling out my cellphone and snapping a pic of the Mullet People that I came across in Rite Aid that one time, 5 years ago. What made this moment priceless was the fact that I was wearing a black t-shirt with the word “mullets” printed in rhinestones on the front, in a circle with a line through it that a friend of mine who is a stylist had picked up for me at a hair show.
Moments like that only occur once in a lifetime.

And I blew it.

I needed you then.

Sigh.
Dani recently posted..Falling Down: My Karma Through The Ages

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:29 am

I like thinking about the Mulleted as a separate race a la the Sandpeople in Star Wars. Thank you for this.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:29 am

Not all of us have quick shutter finger like you, Mistypants.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:28 am

@Jen: I would call bullshit on this, but you live in motherfucking Portland.

It has to be true.

Jaime November 2, 2011 at 10:23 am

haha… it’s amazing the shit I see girls wearing on campus… or even just for around town for that matter.
Jaime recently posted..the people of Vogue may love you ..but everyone else thinks you look ridiculous

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:30 am

Last week I saw a woman with a side mohawk walking in a fairy costume with her boyfriend who was wearing only old khakis. No shoes, no shirt, just dirty-ass dread and khakis.

It was like a post-apocalyptic Best Buy.

Ally November 2, 2011 at 10:24 am

I work at a bar that is a favorite of the local hipster scene. There is this one tall scrawny guy who is always wearing super short jean shorts, loafers with black socks pulled up to his ankles, and a paisley button up. The absurdity of it baffles me every single time.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:31 am

I had no idea until yesterday that short shorts on dudes was okay again, but then I saw it in the library.

So fucking weird.

Nancy Davis Kho November 2, 2011 at 10:34 am

When I lived in DC in the 90s, there was a helpful article in the paper about how to identify crazy street people so as to avoid them. Clue 1: “Are they wearing clothes that are seasonally inappropriate – parkas in summer, bathing suits in winter?” (I paraphrase, but not by much.)

Were it not for that article, I would have been stuck thinking that they were ranting fashion trend setters.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:33 am

That’s almost as awesome as the helpful, “Keeping your Son Straight,” book we analyzed last week in a class. Chapter 2: Keeping Your Son In Contact Sports.

Not fucking kidding.

Bill G. March 16, 2012 at 11:19 pm

It didn’t work for Lyle Alzado.

Abby November 2, 2011 at 10:49 am

First of all, I’m wearing a smile instead of a bitter smirk because you highlighted my last comment. I wish I were kidding about both the smile and the garbage disposal trauma, but shit happens. Usually to me. I can’t make it up.

Anyway, my overweight ad manager came to work Monday dressed as Captain America–complete with tights and some shield that shot out foam disks–and I’m still traumatized.
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Teresa November 2, 2011 at 9:11 pm

That is so bad it’s fantastic! I’m giggling just imagining it.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:35 am

Abby has that effect on people. Affect? Effect. No.

FUCK. Now I made myself sad.

Norway November 3, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Effect. You’re welcome.

Myth November 6, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Norway is indeed correct. Here’s the quick-and-dirty way to remember it: Affect is a verb. Effect is a noun.

Yeah, it really is that simple. I was dumbfounded too. I always thought there was some long, complicated rule for which to use when. But then my English teacher for sophomore year was like, “Nope. That’s all there is to it.”

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:34 am

I’m terrified I’ll lose my ring down the garbage disposal. I’ve never lost anything down a drain, but I just KNOW I’ll lose it there.

The irony of a fat man dressed as Captain AMERICA is just amazing.

Dianne November 2, 2011 at 11:01 am

A bra and panties? Surely you jest.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:35 am

I wish I was. She had “love your body” painted on her stomach.

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd November 2, 2011 at 11:02 am

Here in Georgia, most people fall into two categories: American Idol Contestant and Giant Toddler in a Sweat Suit.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:36 am

I imagine that line blurs often.

Jillian (The Other One) November 2, 2011 at 11:04 am

My example is not quite so extreme as the others, but there is an older “gentleman” (I use the word loosely) who goes to my gym who insists on wearing spandex bike shorts while running on the treadmill. They provide neither support nor hiding capabilities. Just say no to bike shorts.

Also, your post reminded me of how disappointed I was in the Slutty Pumpkin costume from Monday’s How I Met Your Mother. If that girl on campus can wear nothing but a bra and panties, Katie Holmes can do better than a saggy bag of felt with boob holes cut out.
Jillian (The Other One) recently posted..Love Letter to America’s Favorite Pastime

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:37 am

To be fair, Jillian, it’s Katie Goddamn Holmes. She has had some sort of intimate contact with Tom Cruise at one point in her life, so her debilitating mental disorder surely hampers her slut capabilities.

Jillian (The Other One) November 4, 2011 at 12:42 am

I will grant you that. I was also disappointed in Ted for having the hots for anyone, fictional or otherwise, who had thusly interacted with Tom Cruise in his current state of perpetual weird. But now that I’m thinking of it, is it possible that Katie has some of Tom’s salvation powers? It seems to me that the Cruises’ version of scientology is loose enough to allow for this. In which case, the entire cast and crew of that show is pretty much golden.
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Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 12:42 am

Gawd, bike shorts. There’s been a few times in my life that I’ve run into male co-workers at the post office or grocery store that were wearing spandex bike shorts. Didn’t think much of it while talking to them. Hey, it’s summer, riding the ole bike is healthy and all that good shit. Then I see them in the parking lot getting into their car. What is that shit? Do women find bike shorts sexy on a guy? I’m harboring serious doubts.

Angie Uncovered November 2, 2011 at 11:07 am

My sister gave me an Aéropostale t shirt. I like the fucking color. It was free. My tits are covered. All good, right? Someone just said to me, “Aéropostale? What are you, 14?”

I guess at my age I should be wearing black stretchy pants, crocs, and a fucking kitty cat sweater? PASS.
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Monica November 2, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I have an old Aeropostale sweatshirt. It’s an extra large, because I bought it when I was 15 and was convinced wearing clothes as big as tents made me look thinner. I still wear it to sleep sometimes.
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Becca November 2, 2011 at 6:21 pm

please please please send me a photo of the kitty cat sweater. please.
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Angie Uncovered November 2, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Would if I could, but I didn’t know I was so old or sad that I needed one. :( Maybe I’ll ask for one for Christmas!
Angie Uncovered recently posted..I’m out of here… Don’t rush me!

Jen November 2, 2011 at 10:49 pm

No No No. You have to knit it yourself from the shed fur you’ve gathered from the brush you use daily to groom your pets. Do it right or don’t do it at all, dammit!

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:42 am

@Angie: I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY SISTER IN LAW. RIGHT FUCKING NOW. So, my mother in law is not American and was raised behind the iron curtain, so shows of affection are one of two things for my SIL (who is 35) and Adrian (who is 30): either they’re called Mamaje (mama’s baby in hungarian) or they’re told “I love you despite your disappointments and difficulties.” Cultural differences have left her with a very different idea of affection than her children, who were both raised in the states. So 2 years ago for Christmas, my SIL asks for a sweater, and my MIL sent her one. She opened the box and pulled out the best sweater I have ever seen. It was royal blue with rainbow stripes going down the sleeves, 2 fleece appliqued siamese cats on the front kissing, and the words, “merry kissmas,” embroidered above them. It was not a joke. Not even kind of a joke. Her face told the best story of all–her abject horror.

I laugh each time I remember it.

@Monica: I totally still have an old navy sweatshirt hidden away somewhere.

@Becca: SECONDED.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:44 am

@Angie: I left out the best part. The reason SIL received the sweater? She’d once owned cats in Amsterdam and my MIL thought she’d like the sweater because of that. By that logic, I should receive only airbrushed t-shirts with pictures of beagles on them because I once owned a beagle.

Angie Uncovered November 3, 2011 at 12:14 pm

I received similar items for Christmas as as a teenager. NEVER compliment your grandma on her clothes! Compliment her on things like expensive pearls, diamonds, etc. instead. I learned too late. Do not let this happen to you!

I am going to have to find a Pamida store and buy a damn cat sweatshirt and black stretch pants (the sort that sag in the ass). You’ll all be sorry. I’ll rock that bitch for a week.
Angie Uncovered recently posted..Priced out of the relationship market

Kelly November 3, 2011 at 3:32 pm

The fact that you know what Pamida is rocks my face off. You’ll certainly find a cat sweatshirt there. Or a robin one. Or a poinsetta one. You know, seasonal and whatnot. Don’t forget the polyester pants and Dr. Scholls shoes.
Kelly recently posted..I converse with inanimate objects.

Bill G. March 16, 2012 at 11:41 pm

You’re doing it wrong! You need to wear pink spandex under fishnet stockings, no underwear, and a purple half-shirt that says “Princess”. And you need to wear 6 rings and several necklaces simultaneously that are so gaudy that you’re average 4 year old wouldn’t touch it. It worked for the “lady” at my local mini-mart, so it’s gotta work for you!

Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 12:59 am

It’s better than the pastel colored t-shirts and sweatshirts that I see a lot of 40-something women wearing. You know, the ones that were purchased from from a PBS catalog that have a cute saying about cats or dogs, something involving Angela Landsbury, Miss Marple, or a British comedy, or something supposedly said by Einstein or Socrates. Any goddamn TV network that is dependent on my donation to keep them afloat has more fucking problems than I can help them with, what is wrong with these fucking people?

Paula @ thewilyweez November 2, 2011 at 12:10 pm

The backpack must have been used for storing her tips…seeing as how she must have forgotten her garter belt that morning.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:44 am

If she had a backpack full of cash, our encounter would have been very different.

ColinP November 2, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Yay! Not a nudist!
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:44 am

YOU WIN AT LIFE!

I won the goblin trophy.

Dana the Biped November 2, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I used to at Forever 21 (I liked to call it F***21). I once interviewed a girl who was wearing a silver lame (luh-may, not lame, though it was that too) top. And that was it. She was rather conspicuously not wearing pants.

Really should have told her that the strip club was across the parking lot.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Jamaican Me Feel Stupid

Vesta Vayne November 2, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Oh girl I had the same thing happen. Only the interviewee wasn’t applying to work at forever 21, she was applying for an accounting position. No joke. It was at a casino, and apparently she thought the lack of clothes would give her a leg up on the competition. Maybe, possibly, if she was applying for a cocktailing position I could see not wearing any pants. But it was a desk job, far, far away from the blackjack tables.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:49 am

I wish I had the moxie to dress like that.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:46 am

I saw a girl yesterday who had on such a large sweater for her tiny body that you couldn’t see her shorts. I honestly thought she just wore a sweater. So she sees me staring confusedly at her and she says, “I’M FUCKING WEARING PANTS, OKAY?”

You know what? If you have to explain what you’re wearing, you shouldn’t wear it.

Bill G. March 17, 2012 at 12:26 am

So her solution is not to go home and change, but to pissily explain herself to everybody. That’s brilliant. It’s the whole world’s job to stay the fuck out of her way, sorry some of us didn’t get the memo.

Heather Rose November 2, 2011 at 1:07 pm

You really have it out for nudists, dont you? Nothing wrong with airing it all out sometimes…
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:48 am

Honestly, I don’t–I have it out for furries and hipsters. Nudist in this sense was simply a comparison–clothed or not clothed.

I have a really poor body image, so I applaud those who can go nude regularly. I dress like a sisterwife to hide as much skin as possible.

DevilsHeaven November 2, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Her bra and panties? Seriously? I just, how, I mean, WTF???? Were they at least boy shorts? Because seriously, a thong and a cold classroom chair is just all kinds of wrong.

It is sad that during T-or-T the other night my husband asked me if one of the moms was wearing a costume or if the short skirt and knee high Come Fuck Me Boots were her everyday wear.
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Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:50 am

No ma’am. It was a rather threadbare set of matching nanapanties.

Halloween should not be a, “maybe she’s a stipper,” guessing game.

Bethany November 2, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Tights as pants. Just ridiculous.
Bethany recently posted..Dick The Halls

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:50 am

HEAR FUCKING HEAR.

Chris November 2, 2011 at 2:42 pm

As long as you don’t look like a character from Meet The Browns.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:50 am

Oh Tyler Perry, you so crazy.

And rich.

Jaclyn November 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I work in NYC so I really wish I could let all my social graces fall away and TAKE pictures of the retarded shit I see. About 2 weeks ago there was a guy wearing black tights and a black turtleneck. Which isn’t that unusual. Except for the gigantic inverted umbrella he was wearing as… a skirt, maybe? An upside-down skirt but I guess it was supposed to be a skirt. A giant, purple, upside-down umbrella skirt. Accented nicely by the second umbrella he was carrying around.

Also, I’m pretty sure we’ve been over this already, but homeless guy who spray-painted all his clothes and skin gold? WIN.
Jaclyn recently posted..Things That Are Irritating Me

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:51 am

I love NYC for just that reason–you really never know what the fuck you’ll see next.

Becca November 2, 2011 at 6:08 pm

recently while in San Francisco they had one of those Occupy Wall Street protests. No joke there was a totally naked man in front of us, strategically holding a sign in front of his genitals whenever a cop walked by and then proudly flashing the crowd after. He was waxed from head to toe, badly fake tanned, and his man parts were not very pleasing to the eye, as they looked somewhat deformed. Since the protest stopped all traffic in the street and on the sidewalk, I was literally stuck there in front of his “show” for at least ten minutes. All around me you’d hear other people go, “shit, there’s a cock!” or “Oh my God do you see that guy’s dick…” HELLO ASSHOLES, we’ve only been stuck here looking at this shit for ten minutes already………
Becca recently posted..Code-name: Yellow Submarine

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:52 am

I have never had an instance in which I got to yell, “OH SHIT LOOK AT THAT COCK.”

I haven’t really lived.

Becca November 3, 2011 at 12:28 pm

I have to admit, it was kind of awesome…………….
Becca recently posted..Code-name: Yellow Submarine

Lady B November 2, 2011 at 8:16 pm

I’m wearing PJ pants with the “Call of Duty” logo all over them and what I’m calling a vintage tshirt but really it’s a t-shirt with the lyrics to Smelly Cal from Friends on it from when I was 12.

Does this count?

Because I’m in the midst of moving and it’s either this or a long tutu that I have NO GODDAMNED IDEA how it came to be in my possession.

and it clashed with the Smelly Cat.
Lady B recently posted..Because some things you just can’t unsee – aka the post where I use a lot of capital letters

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:53 am

I forgive all moving and packing wardrobes. When I moved recently I wore my Jem t-shirt and the most ungodly jeans in the world because the rest of my shit was packed.

nadine November 2, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Because of this, I put on my leggings that you CAN’T see the underwear through before I left the house today.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:53 am

THANK YOU.

Gia November 2, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Sexy Finding Nemo costume. It’s a cartoon fish! A boy fish, at that!
Gia recently posted..Weekend. Pumpkin. Snow.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:54 am

I love Sexy Cookie Monster.

Feryx November 2, 2011 at 10:48 pm

When I went to Spain my friend told me they had to pass a no nudity law because naked people were just roaming around everywhere.
Feryx recently posted..Girl look at that body

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:54 am

WHAT?!? WHAT THE FUCK!?!

I’m so sad I never got to travel there.

Non-Crisped Texan November 3, 2011 at 6:00 am

One “pride” parade in “the castro” and you will see many things that will never be un-seen. Be difficult to pick the weirdest get-up I’ve seen on a human, due to that.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:55 am

Adrian ended up temporarily stuck in the middle of the pride parade a month ago when he tried to go grocery shopping at the nearest Kroger, forgetting it was pride day and that Kroger is on the main gay district road.

He called me laughing and saying he just saw batman’s nutsack. I was so very jealous.

Sars! November 3, 2011 at 10:38 am

it may just be me but I live in California in a college town and none of this is even making me go hhhmmmm. I think I may need my head examined. The shit that bothers me are girls in Jr High with Double D tits wearing shirts for a C cup and the fact that one or both parents/guardian type persons thought it okay to let them out of their cage that way…
Sars! recently posted..singing man

Mandi E. November 3, 2011 at 11:41 am

I moved from Orange County where we had Double Ds in a C AND unabashed muffin top belly shirts, to Madison, fuck-it’s-cold-humid-20below-what-the-fuck-are-you-thinking? Wisconsin. The only thing that makes me raise an eyebrow is Jesus wheeling a cross through the desert and cookie monster on a pink moped.

Also, I love you so very much because you expect that teenagers be kept in cages. I would like you to run for president.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:57 am

I forgot! Yesterday I saw a sheetcake (muffin top grade 6) on a girl wearing only a lace shirt and bra. That’s some self-confidence.

Noa November 3, 2011 at 11:56 am

Have you seen the halloween costume options for tweens lately? I wouldn’t wear that shit–it’s straight up whoretown. It’s so very sad that they have a need to exist in the first place.

Dani November 3, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Every Halloween costume for girls/women begins with the word “Slutty.” You can be a slutty witch, a slutty cat, a slutty devil, a slutty angel (right? WTF??) a slutty cowgirl…

Sluts are the new black.
Dani recently posted..Falling Down: My Karma Through The Ages

Non-Crisped Texan November 4, 2011 at 12:44 am

We had to go to Austin to do a gig last week and I said “It’s a nice day, should we drive by the college?” He said, “Dunno, lately been better scenery driving past the high school, we’re just looking, right?” I know, window seat to hell…

mark @ yelling near you November 3, 2011 at 11:58 am

That’s an extremely useful decision tree. I have traumatizing memories of seeing a woman lifting up her black hefty garbage bag skirt to take a pee on the curb in a less-than-affluent Washington D.C. neighborhood when I was an impressionable teenager. Scared for life. That may be more common now, but this was during the Clinton years.
mark @ yelling near you recently posted..Depression hurts. Cymbalta can help turn you into a homicidal maniac. With dry mouth.

Noa November 15, 2011 at 12:20 pm

I think that shows some class to lift a plastic dress before you pee. You don’t want it to stain.

kim November 3, 2011 at 7:19 pm

I work in scrubs. Seems pretty basic but it’s amazing how many people can fuck those up.
Love the algorithm! You might enjoy reading, A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan. She uses different methods of media to tell her story, like your flow chart.
You know, in all your spare time.
kim recently posted..oh, jesus kitty

Noa November 15, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I can’t wait to read it!

Norway November 3, 2011 at 11:52 pm

One time I went to McDonald’s with no pants on.

You know how annoying little kids see “No shirt, no shoes, no service” and then are all like “WELL WHAT ABOUT PANTS, HUH?!?!” and their exasperated parents say “They assume people will be wearing pants, dear.”

Nope. That rule really doesn’t apply to pants.

Noa November 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm

I must try this. I might be arrested. Wait for a call.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress November 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm

FUCK. According to this, I am rarely really dressed.

Also, I just saw a woman wearing an apron today. We were not in a kitchen. It was part of her outfit. SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Friends don’t let friends drink and text

Noa November 15, 2011 at 12:26 pm

I’ve seen baristas walk around with theirs on, and I think, “okay, tired after work, possibly stained clothes–totally cool.” And you tell me there are people who just…wear them? Fuck me, I don’t even wear ‘em in the kitchen.

wagthedad November 6, 2011 at 2:27 pm

What was recenlty awesome in my world was waiting for the bus and noticing this woman walk by with no bra on, an impossibly thin blouse, with her purse strap coming down between her breasts and the whole thing being not even raunchy in the kind of give-a-teenager-a-boner kind of way, nor in a what-the-fuck or what-were-you-thinking kind of way but in that kind of way where you fear for your personal safety because that motherfucker’s crazy.

There were more parts to the whole picture: the extremely frizzy hair, the crooked glasses, the ensemble of her mismatched clothing being disturbing because she obviously decided to wear those leggings and that blouse and those high heels and wait I almost forgot?

That evening she was at the parent-teacher meeting for my kid’s day care. Sat right next to me.

Freaked me out so much I now have no meat left on my hangnail hand.
wagthedad recently posted..A Funny Thing I Heard From Some Gay Folk

Noa November 15, 2011 at 12:28 pm

That sound like the plot to an Adam Sandler movie.

Myth November 6, 2011 at 9:44 pm

I would like to offer an interesting factoid that is semi-relevant to this post. Women didn’t usually shave their legs until sometime in the 1930’s, and when beauty magazines began to advocate the trend, the ladies were initially skeptical. Hairless legs would call attention to that part of their anatomy, and it would give men IDEAS.

And now we have this. Women running around with their twat on display for all to see. In public. Without getting arrested… I can’t even begin to explain how much this horrifies me. You may call my state boring if you please; there ain’t much to see in Indiana, I will admit that. But you know, that DOES include strangers’ junk. Nobody walks around fishlippin’ it here, and for that, I am grateful.

Noa November 15, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Today in Dallas, in the middle of November, it is 75 degrees, and probably will be until February.

There are twats every. single. day. of the year.

Bill G. March 14, 2012 at 12:04 am

I have a T-shirt with Christopher Walken that says: “Cowbell: you need more of it.”

Noa March 16, 2012 at 1:19 am

Appropriate.

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