Funny Bitch Friday: John Cheese

11/24/2011 · 17 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

John Cheese is my favorite writer. Cheese is not only absolutely fucking hilarious (his humor is backed with intelligence and some life experiences that would make Gaddafi say, “whoa, fucker.”), but a writer who can turn real life situations into hilarious teachable moments. It’s like if Oprah and Bill Cosby merged somehow like the twins in Hellraiser, and then had a baby with George Carlin.

I had a hard time narrowing down the links to share with you here. I highly recommend you just read everything he’s ever written.

A Few Favorite Articles:

The Top 10 Celebrity Sex Videos No One Wanted To See

7 Terrible Lessons Learned From The Neverending Story

6 Things Our Kids Plain Won’t Get

5 Internet Life Lessons Parents Need To Start Teaching Kids

And A Few Favorite Columns:

Parental Dick Moves You Hate (Until You’re A Parent)

5 Unexpected Causes Of Awkward Conversations With Your Kids

5 Ways We Ruined The Occupy Wall Street Generation

The 5 Most Horrible Thing No One Tells You About Babies

Crucial Lessons Learned From Watching Kids Play Video Games

I fucking told you he was funny.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Andi: “I was in college on the East Coast, awake at some ungodly hour, and watched an advice show with a nun. Just a nun, sitting behind a desk, dispensing advice like the evening news. Right after that was an exercise program for the elderly, where they showed how to do aerobics WITHOUT getting out of your chair. The leader was weirdly enthusiastic about this. All at ass-o-clock in the morning.”


Gia November 25, 2011 at 12:01 am

I love love LOVE cracked (I’d make a joke about it being like crack here but that’s just too corny, even for me). I immediately recognized a lot of the articles listed. The “bleeding genitals” one from 5 Most Horrible Things No One Tells You About Babies really spoke to me. Speaking of, here’s another horrific fact about girl babies I recently learned (not from personal experience, thank GOD): they can get poo in their vaginas. POO.

Noa December 4, 2011 at 8:59 pm

I apparently had a dream that I answered these comments, because I clearly thought I had but did not.

And, as a response to the bleeding and the poo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Wendy November 25, 2011 at 9:19 am

Great piss-yourself humor. Gotta love it.
Wendy recently posted..When Good Turkeys Go Bad

Noa December 4, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Agreed, my friend.

Chrissy November 25, 2011 at 10:02 am

I just this morning read John Cheese for the first time. He is one of the only writers on Cracked that made me go prowling for more of his work after I finished the article.

Hoorah for Cheese!!
Chrissy recently posted..A Mutual Enemy

Noa December 4, 2011 at 9:00 pm

His writing has something extra to it that so many writers lack. I love his stuff-glad you do too!

Jennifer @therebelchick November 25, 2011 at 5:00 pm

I Just found out about Cracked earlier this year…and I am totally addicted. Thanks for suggesting those articles, I hadn’t heard of Cheese yet!
Jennifer @therebelchick recently posted..Walmart Baby Steps: A Video Resource Library For New Parents

Noa December 4, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I could spend years on Cracked. Happy reading!

Abby November 25, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Enter pun: I can’t digest lactose well, but I’m a big Cheese fan.
Seriously though. I am. I love “Cracked” and can tell that I will lose more “be productive” time now tonight catching up with those links, so thanks for that.
Abby recently posted..Turkey Rhyme Time

Noa December 4, 2011 at 9:15 pm


Cheese puts out amazing stuff very frequently. I hope you get a lot done in between articles.

Andi November 25, 2011 at 6:46 pm

I love John Cheese! Actually, I love all of Cracked is my answer to “I’m bored shitless and I need to kill the next hour deader than Herman Cain in a NOW meeting.” They’re funny AND educational, y’all.
Andi recently posted..Zero Waste, and Gratitude as an Action

Noa December 4, 2011 at 9:15 pm


Monica November 26, 2011 at 3:02 pm

So, like, four times I read this as “John Cleese.” And four times I thought, “God, I love John Cleese. That is one stupid funny motherfucker.” And four times I thought, “But that dude totally doesn’t need Noa to pimp him. He’s insanely famous already.”

And I’m not even drinking Scotch yet.
Monica recently posted..Craft Friday: Angry Birds, Unplugged

Noa December 4, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Oh John Cleese. That motherfucker needs no more help. Or John Cheese, for that matter, but here we are.

elizabeth- flourishinprogress December 1, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Like Monica, I misread the name.

I KNEW I should have paid more attention in school.
elizabeth- flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: This one may kill me. Nice knowing you.

Noa December 4, 2011 at 9:18 pm

To be fair, Cleese and Cheese are only differing in the hump on the l.

Well, rimshot.

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