Funny Bitch Friday: Tazer, Warrior Princess

10/14/2011 · 29 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

Tazer, Warrior Princess is one classy, and funny, lady. Of course, when I say classy, I mean every time I hear her name or read her blog, I imagine Xena with a bottle of Jack and a Spork, and without all the unnecessary sexual tension between Xena and her personal assistant.

I could be wrong. Tazer might want to have sex with her personal assistant. I’m not here to judge.

Either way, she’s still fucking funny.

In Which I Decide To Kidnap A Ficus

Tazer’s Guide on How Not To Get Hired

Spork-Tastic Day Part Uno

Spork-Tastic Day Part Deux

Beaucephus, Resurrected

Things You Can Find On The Internet

I fucking told you. Go show her some love, send her some spork pictures, and keep bringing the funny.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From -Vince: “That is exactly how “drawing a blank” worked in Architecture school. You stare at the SIX SQUARE FEET of blank paper and go crazy. Except replace the giant kitchen knife with x-acto blades, and crack with aerosol adhesives.”


Dani October 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I have been taking her advice on How Not To Get Hired very, very seriously… and it’s working like a charm.

I have an interview this afternoon and I have my Whorish Outfit on, my meat sleeve prepped and ready, and my skankiest bra strap hanging down my arm. I’m considering “borrowing” the neighbor’s baby, just to show how much I love children.

She’s my Role Model.
Dani recently posted..Facebook Status of the Week 4: Freedom and Jesus

Noa October 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

You have a really excellent sense of judgement. I’m so proud.

Misty October 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Love me some Tazer. Can’t wait for the next spork installment.

She. Is. Awesome. The End.
Misty recently posted..Weekly Whacked: AC Style!

Noa October 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

It’s totally true.

Tazer WP October 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

I’ll have you know, I got 2!!! wake up calls and a text this morning to tell me about this.

I think I need to hire a secretary.

Thanks Noa, it’s an honor!
Tazer WP recently posted..In Which I Decided to Kidnap a Ficus

Noa October 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm


Also, that made me feel totally famous by default. Thank you!

Eric October 14, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Awesome choice, Noa. Tazer is one of my favorites and someone I feel privileged to call a friend.

Noa October 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm

As well you should, Eric. Tazer’s famous.

Monica October 14, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Holy crap, I need those baby slippers. Are they made from real babies?

Noa October 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm

God, I hope so.

Andi October 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Tazer needs to take me shopping. I want that spork. Also the man-2-man spray — I’m thinking I could use a gay BFF. That would work, wouldn’t it?
Andi recently posted..I’m Never Buying You Playgirl Again

Noa October 15, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I have spent my morning googling, “metal sporks” because I’m a ridiculous fangirl.

Jen October 14, 2011 at 4:44 pm

@@@@ Here’s a virtual ficus for you, Taze. I love you, my
# crazy little Twitter-bitch!
Jen recently posted..Standing in for The Wily Weez

Noa October 15, 2011 at 1:59 pm

She’ll steal that one, too.

Kelly October 14, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Mad love for Tazer, even though I’m a Lurky McLurkstein on her blog. I’m a lame fucker, I admit it.
Kelly recently posted..Evidently I woke up a polygamist this morning.

Noa October 15, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Lame? It makes you AWESOME.

Corinne October 14, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Love that girl. I want to keep her, but she would probably hack her way out of the cage with her Magic Spork. Then I would cry.
Corinne recently posted..Three Words

Noa October 15, 2011 at 2:00 pm

She’s like the Doctor Who of cutlery.

Mamy October 14, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Ohhhh, I’ve always wanted a titanium spork! Tazer I’ve now added you to my weekly blog stalking! Thanks for making work bearable girls(along with Noa, of course!)
Mamy recently posted..It’s Inevitable…

Noa October 15, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I will keep bringing you funny bitches, I promise. Work will be bearable!

Rosa October 15, 2011 at 11:52 am

Okay, she is hilarious.

Noa October 15, 2011 at 2:01 pm


Jaime October 15, 2011 at 11:56 am

she is definitely fucking awesome….. three cheers for tazer the spork queen!
Jaime recently posted..fuck those fucking fuckers

Noa October 15, 2011 at 2:01 pm


Miss Sassy Pants October 16, 2011 at 8:12 pm

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I love this girl. I hope one day to be as cool as the warrior princess.
Miss Sassy Pants recently posted..This is straight ridiculous. #hideyokidshideyowife

Noa October 19, 2011 at 9:33 pm

We can dream, yo.

Haylah Mae October 18, 2011 at 10:28 am

I’m so happy to see Tazer made it to your Funny Bitch Friday list! She’s cracks me up like two hard boiled eggs doing the nasty. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I want to be Tazer when I grow up!
Haylah Mae recently posted..Do Not Disturb

Noa October 19, 2011 at 9:34 pm

I want to see two hard boiled eggs doing the nasty.

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