Funny Bitch Friday: Kristen Wiig

09/30/2011 · 46 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday


I usually try to aim Funny Bitch Friday at writers, but I’ve deviated. I HAVE DEVIATED.

I usually try to aim Funny Bitch Friday at underrated funny bitches, but I’ve deviated. I HAVE SINNED.

And from time to time, we all deviate. The comedy Gods forgive us, we drink the sacred Patron, and live another day!

Today, I want to take a second to talk to you about the good news.

The good news about Kristen Motherfucking Wiig, one of the funniest bitches to come along in a very, very long time. If you don’t know Wiig, she’s an SNL cast member with the versatility and weird-funny of Ferrell in his heydey, BUT SHE HAS TITS.

Surprise Sue

Suze Orman

Iconoclasts: Bjork and Charles Barkley

Traffic School Penelope

Activia Yogurt

Target Lady

Lawrence Welk With Betty White

Kristen Wiig is a fucking genius.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post
From Potentially Reformed Whore: “Wait, there are people who don’t make those exact prom decisions? Does that also mean that (1) not everyone’s mother repeatedly threatens to punch date in “beezer,” and (2) there are beezered jackhats who don’t refer to prom dates as “whore” throughout the glitter-clad dance and afterparty?I now have to reserve more time than I’d planned for auto-apologeticness. Guess I’ll have to stop drinking, dream weaving and writing thank-you notes to make room.”


Front Desk Ninja September 30, 2011 at 12:58 am

Dear Noa,

Hulu/AOL hates Canadians. It told me on every single video that you posted.
In response, I’m going to google pictures of Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling and try to find another Ryan that is hot and famous so I hit the trifecta of Hot Canadian Actors. Hopefully this, and a Kit Kat Chunky will make me feel better.


Front Desk Ninja.

P.S. Afterwards Youtube and I will become best friends, but I’m sure I already agree with the awesomeness of the Wiig and forgot to pack extra panties for work-related laughing. Bladder ain’t what it used to be.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..Month End Hell

Jen September 30, 2011 at 7:29 am

Ryan Phillipe? Nah, I’m reaching on that one. How about Jake Ryan from ’16 Candles’?

Ummm…and if you’re looking for the Canadian hat trick HOW CAN YOU FUCKING FORGET NATHAN FILLION!?!?!? Pfft! You’re killin’ me here, Ninja. . .
Jen recently posted..I Think I Might Be Retarded

Front Desk Ninja September 30, 2011 at 10:22 am

I said Canadian Ryan’s.
I could name a bajillion other hot actors, worthy of the trifecta. I was aiming for Ryan’s.
For the record, the most I found was a hockey player that could handle me anyway he wants. nom.

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:07 am

I forget sometimes that there are people who cannot see any of the videos I post because they are not living in the US, which is a very American thing of me to do, I think.

And we can’t even claim Nathan Goddamn Fillion.

Front Desk Ninja October 3, 2011 at 2:10 am

S’alright. I just blame you for further procrastination of French homework. If you can handle that sort of heat, we’re good. Youtube is a friend to everyone, even Canadians.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..The Drunk Toddlers Saga: The Sweet Kid

Noa October 3, 2011 at 5:55 pm


wagthedad September 30, 2011 at 3:36 am

You are such a deviant. It is ABOUT TIME. You go girl with all of your crazy venturing into other media shit. I’m sticking with the printed word. That other shit’s not white enough for me.
wagthedad recently posted..Sexual Advice For Straight Men Rule #2

Jen September 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Word, my brutha.
Jen recently posted..Meat Is Murder…Tasty, Succulent Murder…

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:07 am


Non-Crisped Texan September 30, 2011 at 3:51 am

She makes Carlos Mencia almost seem funny. Sorry, gonna have to disagree with you here, she’s like a lamer version of Mary Gross. didn’t know such a thing could happen, but I guess there is always a lesser level of comedy. Maybe you get better drugs than I do? I managed to make it all the way through Son in Law and you have to admit signing his name with the combine in the field was classic as was the bit with that 90210 bitch, but I wasn’t able to stomach past the third SNL HULU clip you have on offer here. She’s trying too hard. I get it, she wants to be the unfunny version of Andy Kaufman mixed in with the lamest bits of Jane Curtain, Susan St, James, and Mary Gross. SNL died when Michael O’Donoghue left for good.

I guess this is post modern post ironic comedy, that’s so post ironic, so as it’s so ironic it’s not funny, therefore predating the concept of comedy. It’s like anti-matter for comedy.

What’s the difference between Kristen Wiig and a 20lb sack of onions? Nobody would shed a tear if you ran Kristen Wiig through a chipper shredder in a crowded subway car.

But, if it makes you laugh, you’re entitled to your opinion, as well, even if I think that’s the most boring internet clips I’ve watched all week, and earlier I was watching a time lapse film of how salting effects steaks, first helping the searing process, then dehydrating them, then brining them to a degree to where you get a good sear again. In case it matters, it seems you should salt steaks right before you sear them or salt them and then wait 40 minutes to sear them, in between it harms instead of helps. (It was either that or watch boring football games on the bar TV before we got to rock and roll a bit) I admit, it didn’t have a shrieking nutter woman excited about a surprise party doing physical comedy of jumping out a window and then back in again for mention of the possibility of an ice cream treat. Takes all kinds. With all due respect, as I cisit this page semi-regular, I like your writing instincts and your writing in general, but I’d veto you as producer for comedy television if you really think this is funny.

Cheers, I’m going now to see if enough Beam will rinse those non-comedy clips and the earlier visuals at the club of giant fat mexican women grinding to the blues from my mental registers.

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:09 am


I appreciate your honesty–comedy is subjective, after all. And I’ll be totally honest with you, I didn’t really get Kristen Wiig and her style until I started improv. It was hard to understand some of her appeal until I realized how difficult some of her characters are to play. It was weird.

And to be really fair–SNL has had several really, really bad seasons in a row, but it seems like they’ve finally hit their stride again. I’m just hoping it stays this way for a while.

Non-Crisped Texan October 3, 2011 at 5:11 am

AS far as I am concerned, it’s all been down hill since “The Little Engine That Died”. THAT was comedy. “I think I can I think I can OH GOD NO! HEART ATTACK HEART ATTACK!!!!” (paraphrase, but it was a great bit).

I do musical comedy and so do some of my friends and people either love me or hate me, same as friends. I actually had, of all people, DOUG STANHOPE call me “THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG IN TEXAS” because we don’t click and yet had and have some of the same friends who think we are BOTH funny.

Speaking of comedy and plugging a friend because it’s probably ill advised but I got in late and have these new imperial costa rican beers that don’t really taste good or suck, but are acceptable in making me not care too much about offense…I bet you would like an acquaintance that is kin to one of my neighbors. Cajun by way of LA and now in Austin, that probably explains part of it?

If you don’t giggle, well, I didn’t laugh at your SNL clips or else maybe the ones I let ADD takeover and went back to listening to PRIMUS instead maybe were brilliant. Anyway:

AS a married gal, you should dig it, or not. But I hope you get a giggle like I do from some or your rants.


Noa October 3, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I can watch someone so hilarious one night on stage, and then the next night, I’ll think, “what the fuck happened there?” Comedy is a bitch, yo.

Paula @ thewilyweez September 30, 2011 at 7:48 am

I love when she impersonates Suze Orman!
Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted..I Would Be A Terrible D.A.R.E Spokeswoman

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:10 am

Admit it, you have the detachable collars.

Kelly September 30, 2011 at 8:02 am

Bridesmaids made me pee. KW needs to be my bff.
Kelly recently posted..Get off my @#$%&* porch. Unless you have Thin Mints.

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:10 am


Kelly October 3, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Yes, you too. We will take over the world, Pinky.
Kelly recently posted..Get off my @#$%&* porch. Unless you have Thin Mints.

Noa October 3, 2011 at 5:57 pm

I love you so much for that.

Elly Lou September 30, 2011 at 8:03 am

Please tell me you’ve watched Bridesmaids, too. You know she co-wrote that shit. She’s so brilliant I have to question my sexuality.
Elly Lou recently posted..NPH Saves the Day Again

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:10 am

She is almost obscenely good at what she does. I hate her a little bit.

Johi September 30, 2011 at 8:11 am

I LOVE her!
Johi recently posted..What Kind of Yard Art to You Prefer?

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:11 am

I don’t know why my fucking spam filter caught this one. Clearly, it is not a KW fan.

Johi October 3, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Maybe I was loving a little too hard and the spam filter weeded me out as a stalker… Whatever- sniffing some one’s hair doesn’t always mean that you are a stalker.
Johi recently posted..And then I proved to everyone that I am always accountable for my actions.

Noa October 3, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Was that you?

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd September 30, 2011 at 9:54 am

“You’re buying a giant bag of feces.” Love it.

The thing I hate about Hulu is watching a 30 second ad for a 3 minute clip. Yes, I’m that ornery and impatient.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Sometimes my “Imagination” is Staggering

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:11 am

I can only imagine you saying that while shaking your fists.

Also, yes, I fucking hate that about Hulu, too. FUCKIN’ A, HULU.

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd October 3, 2011 at 9:56 am

I’m hoping for Andy Rooney’s job now that he’s done complaining publicly.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Saturday Morning Ridiculousness – Super Friends S1 Ep4

Noa October 3, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Are you as crotchety?

Jenna September 30, 2011 at 10:40 am

I laughed so hard I cried at Bridesmaids. My husband, on the other hand, didn’t think it was very funny. WTH?

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:12 am

Yeah, Grace’s husband was also not impressed.

Tans September 30, 2011 at 11:26 am

Kristin Wiig. My #1 SNL girl crush of all time (so sorry Maya Rudolph, you’re still #2 in my heart.)

Hands down, all time favorite Kristen Wiig character is the old time broadway singer. “Please, don’t make me sing! Well, if you’re gonna make me sing…”

Hy. Sterical.

Tans September 30, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Sadly, I have not seen Bridesmaids yet. I need to rectify that situation pronto…

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:12 am

I’m just learning to love the broadway star. My first exposure to her was in the same scene with Gwenyth Paltrow, and I hate everything that is Paltrow.

Dani September 30, 2011 at 11:56 am

Surprise Sue kills me. Freaking hilarious. Planning on watching Bridesmaids this weekend… can’t wait!
Dani recently posted..Best Facebook Post of the Week

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:12 am


Britt September 30, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Kristen Wiig is one of my favourite people.
Sometimes I fantasize about being trapped in an elevator with her so I can pretend I’m claustrophobic and make her cradle me in her skinny, hilarious arms.
She’s supportive like that… even if she hasn’t realized it yet. Soon, Kristen, our time will come.
Britt recently posted..Daytime Television: What a Shitshow.

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:13 am

I love your weird near-death comedian day dreams.

Becca September 30, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Sparked quite the KW controversy did we… wouldn’t expect less. Thanks for making me laugh because today I really needed it! You never fail to crack me up.
Becca recently posted..I’m the Mistress of Alliteration, and I Remember….

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:13 am

SNL is pretty polarizing.

ColinP September 30, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Couldn’t agree more. I absolutely loved her performances in the movies Whip It and Paul. Although I must admit on the record that I love LOVE roller derby so I was biased towards Whip It from the start.
ColinP recently posted..Randomness

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:14 am

What I loved more than Paul? The Star Wars revamp that Pegg and Frost did in Arizona. Amazing.

Jen September 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I love when she does the “one-upper”.

“Ooooohhh, you went to the beach? I did too…in Aruba…I rode there on the back of a gilded dolphin with my husband…Brad Pitt.”
Jen recently posted..Meat Is Murder…Tasty, Succulent Murder…

Noa October 3, 2011 at 2:14 am

PENELOPE!!! She’s so fucking hilarious as Penelope. Also a favorite of mine.

loudlyshy October 4, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I was never a big fan of Kristen Wiig until I saw her in Bridesmaids. Her neurotic mess of a character reminded me of myself and it made me laugh a lot. Since then I’ve seen her all over the place and she always makes me laugh. I love finding new comedians to brighten my day, I’m sour so often.
loudlyshy recently posted..Spiders: The Tiny Menace

Noa October 5, 2011 at 6:16 pm

I shall do my best to keep introducing you to hilarious people.

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