Funny Bitch Friday: Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

09/09/2011 · 50 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

I love a lot of things about Johi from Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl.

1. Her name. Seriously, that shit is cool.

2. Her comments, because the most recent one featured a Bea Arthur reference AND a cop reference and that is amazing.

3. Her motherfucking funny-ass blog.

Seriously. Johi has some some funny bitchin’ skills, y’all.

The Ultra-Cool How-To’s:

How To Leave The House With Children

How To Guide For Playdates

How To Shop For Swimsuits

And Other Hilariousness:

Raisinets or Disappointment?

Wherein Johi Explains Why It’s Good To Keep A Couple Of Homosexuals Around

15 Signs That You Have Given Up

Johi is fucking rad, y’all. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you show her some love, and I hope you keep bringing the funny.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Johi (Of Course): “I have a good friend who goes out and rents overpriced costumes for Halloween parties, while we make our own from the “costume bin” in my smelly attic. So imagine my glee when he showed up in a gold lame gown as King Tut. Only he has red hair and freckles and was wearing a dress and looked nothing like King Tut. He looked more like Bea Arthur (Dorothy) from the Golden Girls. We pointed and laughed at him all night, but first I lined his eyes in black eyeliner. It was pure gold (no pun intended). ….and then we all got drunk and my husband’s beloved smoke machine set off the fire alarm in the building so the fire department showed up and then I (being dressed as a cop) frisked an *actual* fireman. Bea Arthur made me do it.”

 

Tazer WP September 9, 2011 at 12:26 am

I’ve been reading this blog for a month or so, and I must say, she’ll reduce you to tears, whether in sympathy or in mirth. GREAT CHOICE NOA!

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Hooray! I’m so glad you dig her.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:32 pm

A lot of my material makes me weep before I try to twist it into something funny.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Jessica September 9, 2011 at 3:13 am

All your Funny Bitches ARE so deliriously funny.

You have fantastic taste.
Jessica recently posted..It’s not every day that I agree to post a picture of my naughty underthings.

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Why thank you very much.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I concur. Noa knows how to pick ‘em!
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Andi September 9, 2011 at 7:42 am

That was my favorite comment too. You can’t go wrong with Bea Arthur!

Love her posts. Wish I could draw.
Andi recently posted..Sometimes Life Just Kicks You in the Teeth

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Oh Lord, me too. That is a skill I sorely lack.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Me too. And I went to art school, people. And this is the crap I produce. I use Sharpies and my son’s $2 watercolors. I’s a professional.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Paula @ thewilyweez September 9, 2011 at 7:56 am

Anything involving Bea Arthur is usually awesome.
Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted..F*ck You Fridays: Round Two

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:25 pm

This is absolutely true.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

My husband has no love for the Golden Girls. I *almost* had to divorce him because of this.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

wagthedad September 9, 2011 at 8:33 am

And she calls her kids Thing 1 and Thing 2, which rocks because you don’t ever have to think of a new name when you have another one/have to replace one and also because you can catch them with a net.

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Another excellent point about why Johi is fucking rad.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

See? You totally get me.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Misty September 9, 2011 at 9:04 am

I found her from a comment on your blog a few weeks ago and I have to agree that both her comments and her blog are kick-ass funny as all get out!! Hear hear for this week’s choice!!
Misty recently posted..It’s just not FAIR!!

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I try to show off the awesome people. I’m glad you like her!

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I Love Misty.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Jen September 12, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Agreed. Misty is the schizzle fo’ rizzle.
Jen recently posted..They’re Gettin’ Married! "WHOOPITY-DO!"

Misty September 12, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Aw shucks girls….better be careful. Keep it up with all these compliments & you might bring my self esteem up from sub-basement to just plain ole basement! :)
Misty recently posted..Where were you when the world stopped turning . . .

Johi September 9, 2011 at 9:08 am

I am filled with shock right now. I’m seriously sweating a little. I feel like I just won Publisher’s Clearing House or something. Thanks Noa, my love for you grows stronger every day.
Shit, time to up my game. Now I feel like there will be expectations of me….
Johi recently posted..My Life is This Exciting.

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm

This is the reward you get for BEING SO FUCKING GREAT.

You win, Johi. You win at life.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I am awesome. It’s true. And I am super competitive and LOVE winning so THANK YOU.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Phoenix Rising September 9, 2011 at 9:21 am

Love her! And can’t wait until she publishes a book with her awesomely hilarious illustrations. I just wish she’d get out of that green leisure suit of hers and hurry up and write her damn book already. :)
Phoenix Rising recently posted..You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

OH MY GOD.

I can’t wait for that either. I hope her author picture is of her in the Green Leisure suit.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I would love to write a book. Anyone want to nanny my children so that I can finish a thought? I’ll loan out the leisure suit!
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

backwoods mom September 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

Johi has been cracking me up since cross country my freshman year- so glad her blog can keep me laughing states away!

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

The internet is a powerful thing for connecting the funny bitches.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I like to make my tiny hometown proud by cussing wildly and embarrassing my parental units. It’s a gift.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Jen September 9, 2011 at 11:20 am

Love to hear from another snarky, half-assed mom. ((slow clap)) Well done, Johi. . .well done indeed.

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:29 pm

I’m really impressed that you can start a slow clap in written form.

YOU’RE SHOWING ME UP, JEN.

Jen September 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Pfft! Mama got skillz.
Jen recently posted..Stupidest Crap Ever Spoken By Me And My Friends

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

If I am wearing no pants in a full moon, does that still make me half-assed? LOVE the written slow clap. This is the kind of stuff that makes me proud to be a human.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Jen September 12, 2011 at 4:43 pm

If you’re wearing no pants in a full moon it means you are a fucking rock-star. You go on with your bad self, girl!
Jen recently posted..They’re Gettin’ Married! "WHOOPITY-DO!"

Jaclyn September 9, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I LOVE the post about leaving the house when you have kids. Fucking spot-on and hilarious.
Jaclyn recently posted..The Reach-Around. For Diapers.

Jen September 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

YES! And the information on swimsuit shopping sent me on a shame spiral that was just so horribly wrong that it became right again. Genius!
Jen recently posted..Stupidest Crap Ever Spoken By Me And My Friends

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I cannot tell a lie. The events that I write about are my reality. Sniffle…
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Noa September 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Johi has a way with words. And tits.

elizabeth- flourish in progress September 9, 2011 at 5:51 pm

That bitch is so funny. And so pretty. God, I hate her.
elizabeth- flourish in progress recently posted..sorry i pushed you in the head

Noa September 9, 2011 at 6:22 pm

She IS pretty. Damn you, Johi, for being the total package.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Whatever!
You think I’m pretty?
Can I smell your hair?
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Norway September 13, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Amen. I know a chick who does everything I do well, only she does it better. Actually she does everything EVER well, AND she’s pretty, AND she’s nice. I feel like a horrible person for hating her.

Alexandra September 12, 2011 at 12:45 am

Pretty, funny,like you?

Thanks for finding the young blood for me.

You know I need to suck that up to keep going.
Alexandra recently posted..Unimaginable Realities – For Anna See

Noa September 12, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Oh Alexandra. I’LL SLEEP WITH YOU ALREADY.

Johi September 12, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Calling me “Young”= you are my new favorite person.
Johi recently posted..Fight Fire With Fire

Noa September 12, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Alexandra will sleep with you too.

Johi September 14, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Gwen Garrison December 10, 2011 at 10:49 am

This is the reward you get for BEING SO FUCKING GREAT. Genius! Whatever! Calling me “Young”= you are my new favorite person.
Gwen Garrison recently posted..Many Cures

Noa December 19, 2011 at 1:01 am

MAN YOU SPAMMERS ARE GETTING CRAFTY.

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