At BlogHer a couple of weeks ago, I got to experience what it’s like to be a really special kind of prostitute. I got to sprint a mile in a very tight dress and very cheap heels through a very nice hotel to say some really terrible things in front of a lot of people.
Oh wait, THAT’S EVERY DAY FOR ME.
But this one was special. I wasn’t just running away from a Drag Queen after too many shots–I was LEGIT this time, y’all. I got voted to be one of the Humor Voices Of The Year. You bitches really think I’m funny. I’m touched. And a little wheezy.
Walking into a room full of 14 very classy ladies while I’m sweating from the nipples and breathing like a COPD patient was not how I’d really like to have made my first impression, but considering I was there to say the word, “Twatwaffle,” loudly and into a microphone, it was kind of fitting.
And these 14 women were some of the coolest bitches I have ever had the pleasure to meet. They were a wonderful mixture of irreverence and sharp wit and beauty and concern and awesome and nice boobies. We each stood up and said our piece, and there were lots of hugs and tears and laughs and some dancing, and I kept thinking, “Man, I really wish everyone could hear these speeches. They. Are. Amazing.”
Well fuckers, here you go. For this Funny Bitch Friday, I’m bringing you the best round-up of awesome there is. Go grab some tissues, cause you’re gonna need ‘em.
DISCLAIMER: I want you to know that these videos have been–stretched–we’ll say, giving some of us the appearance of, as Alexandra’s children put it–Tijuana Hookers. We’re hotter in person. I swear.
Alexandra, from Good Day, Regular People
(Who is so adorably nice I want to tuck her in my pocket to compliment me all day.)
Cecily Kellogg from Uppercase Woman
Annie Urban from Ph.D. in Parenting
Lori O’Hara from In Pursuit of It All
Diane Lang from Momo Fali
Kate Inglis from Sweet Salty
Stacey Conner from Is There Any Mommy Out There?
Eden Riley from Edenland
Britt Reints from Miss Britt
Bon Stewart from Crib Chronicles
Jenni Chiu from MommyNaniBooBoo
Kristen Chase from Motherhood Uncensored
I read somewhere in the middle, but the BlogHer supplied video doesn’t display the pictures quite right. And also, I look like shit in that one, and you can’t see me in this one. (the one taken by Liz from FiP, who facilitated basically everything about that weekend.) If you look real close, you can see me smack myself in the face with a radio antenna. God, I’m classy.
PS: If you’ve never been to BlogHer, I hope you get the chance to at least once. It’s really something else–I can’t even accurately describe what it’s like, because it really is just that awesome. Go. You won’t regret it.
—Favorite Comment from The Last Post: From Norway: “My prehistoric fire monster and I bond over our shared passion for finding the Loch Ness Monster and chicken flambé.”