Funny Bitch Friday: A Life in Translation

09/23/2011 · 33 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

Y’all, Jamie Varon of A Life in Translation, is one kickass funny bitch. Not only is she the brains behind the amazing design at Shatterboxx (amazing like MY FUCKING HEADER and THE FUCKING LEAGUE BUTTON and ALL MY OTHER COOL SHIT), not only does she live in Paris, but most essentially to me, Jamie is fucking hilarious.

It’s Not Even Noon Yet And I Have Already Lost All My Dignity. (Again.)

This Post Got Out Of Control and I’m Sorry For All The Violence

You Guys, I Think I Just Wrote The Sequel To Fight Club

Basically, I’m Just Going To Start Blaming All My Problems On Natalie Portman

SPOILER ALERT: Somehow, By The End Of This Post, I Will Have Convinced Myself I Have Schizophrenia

In Which “Actress” Jamie Chung Tries To Steal My Dead Dog

Welcome to the League, you Funny Bitch, you. Keep bringing the funny, y’all.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Heather Rose: “Rumpelstiltskin: When in doubt, lie, cheat and sleep your way to the top.”


Jamie Varon September 23, 2011 at 10:35 am

OMG I just got so excited and my non-English speaking boyfriend was all, “WHAT!” because I said “YES!” very audibly and I was all, “Ok, so there’s this girl who I think is so funny and on her… uh… blog? Do you know what a blog is? Anyway… on her… THING… she said I was funny, too!”

He just looked at me like, “Bitch is crazy.”

Also, god, maybe I should blog once in a while huh?

Jamie Varon recently posted..It’s Not Even Noon Yet And I Have Already Lost All My Dignity. (Again.)

Britt September 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm

You are SO hilarious.
I’m so glad Noa posted you!!
Hooray for funny bitches!
Britt recently posted..Meet Keith: He Probably Eats Poop.

sars September 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Just Awesome.

Kella September 24, 2011 at 1:32 am

Okay, so this is totally the part where I say “I was following her before she was cool enough to be in the LoFB…. bitches.”

And then I go around, chasing asshatted fuckfaces who can’t drive down with my smart car, stylishly outfitted with the harpoon launcher and Brian Blessed GPS package. Because every single white Escalade on the 405 is my own personal Moby goddamned Dick.

Also, your blog is fucking hilarious. Congrats, you hilarious heathen.
Kella recently posted..Catapults are for people who are too damned lazy to fling themselves through the air using more creative methods.

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:16 am

@Jamie: You’re fucking rad. You totally deserve it.


@Sars: Jamie, I think a respiratory disease just told you that you were awesome. Awesome?

@Kella: Call you IsmaelHipster then.

emmysuh September 23, 2011 at 11:06 am

Yay, Jamie!!! She is one of my blog heroes!
emmysuh recently posted..This post used to be 20 times longer so at least be glad it’s as not-long as it is.

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:17 am

Jamie basically has blog superpowers.

Front Desk Ninja September 23, 2011 at 11:28 am

I really shouldn’t check your blog on Friday’s when I have a final due and three assignments worthy of choosing something to do with anal probing over completing these assignments… and yet I check. And I read, and by god, bitch be funny.

I especially loved the Hunger Games talk (which, fyi, is being turned into a movie, *and* the third book is so much better than it has a right to be. You will be horrified, cry, and possibly need to read it twice to read all of it) and Starbucks. Clearly, will continue to stalk this funny bitch.

Thanks, Noa. You make procrastinaion a lot funnier than it has a right to be.

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:17 am

That is my whole mission.

Jen September 23, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Jamie, you are hi-larious! And for the record, I met Jamie Chung when she was working with my ex-boyfriend and let me tell you: bitch be c-r-a-z-y!
Jen recently posted..All in All You’re Just Another Chick in the Mall

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:18 am

Clearly, if someone is stealing a dead dog, bitch ain’t right.

Jen September 26, 2011 at 4:26 am

She ((Hand to God)) told my ex-boyfriend that she didn’t ‘truly believe’ she was Asian as an angel came to her in a dream and revealed that she was in fact Armenian. Wow. That is amazing. So, apparently God can just make a cameo and instantly you’re a Kardashian? Who knew?
Jen recently posted..D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Noa October 3, 2011 at 6:16 pm

God told me I was a dude last night. No dick, though. DAMN.

nicole antoinette September 23, 2011 at 12:37 pm

In Which “Actress” Jamie Chung Tries To Steal My Dead Dog = my favorite blog post of all time.

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:18 am

I’m so glad I got to share that ridiculous shit.

Paula @ thewilyweez September 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm

She is hilarious! I’m pretty sure I will spend the rest of my afternoon reading her blog.
Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted..F*ck You Fridays: Round Three

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:18 am

I hope you don’t get fired.

Andi September 23, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Awesome! Thanks to Jamie, I now want to move to Paris and blog all about it.

Jamie, do you take house guests? Just for a month or two? A couple weeks? Let me know, we’ll talk.
Andi recently posted..Pinky, I am in Considerable Pain

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:19 am

I’m sure she’s cool. That’s why she didn’t reply.

theresa September 23, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Jamie is soooo FUNNY, HILARIOUS and WITTY…Would someone get her a book deal already!!! She needs to stay focused so she can write for us, so we can live through her escapades and keep up with the crazy, awkwardnesses of her daily shtoops…
Thanks for sharing:)

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:19 am

It might be the most beautifully designed book of all time.

Grandmagrimes September 24, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I just spent like an hour on her blog. Hilarious.

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:19 am


Alexandra September 24, 2011 at 9:51 pm

I love your funny bitches.

Why I stalk you, and your blogroll.

Thanks for keeping me in the smiles.

So terribly terribly underrated: someone who brings me the smiles.

Thank you.
Alexandra recently posted..The Sacred Bleeding Heart of Jesus

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:20 am

You’re welcome. You and the Sacred Bleeding Heart of Jesus are welcome.

RebeccaLK September 25, 2011 at 2:24 am

I loved the recommended blog! You see hillbilly-french as I refer to my “interesting” family who graced the french lineage…is going to get their own reality TV show one day. It will come on right after “Hillbilly Hand Fishing.” And instead of snooki I will be held in high regards as “Arma-ooki.” Why? Because in that part of the country with no real cell reception I will be forced to wrangle Armadillos for entertainment purposes.

P.S. Zoloft plus Red Bull not too shabby…lmao
RebeccaLK recently posted.."sex offenders" Under A Magnifying Glass

Noa September 26, 2011 at 1:20 am

That Zoloft and Redbull combo sounds like a hell of a party based off this comment.

RebeccaLK September 26, 2011 at 2:05 am

:-) Ya damn shibbity and you are always welcome on this VIP list…lol
With three daughters… I think I put the Mad Hatter to shame. I am one second from wearing the cable bill on my head and putting my underwear in the mailbox.
Thanks for amusing…hope to return the favor…lmao.
RebeccaLK recently posted.."sex offenders" Under A Magnifying Glass

Noa October 3, 2011 at 6:17 pm

I’ll soon be mailing some panties to a lucky stalker.

elizabeth- flourish in progress September 26, 2011 at 5:45 pm

A genius at design AND funny? Lucky, lucky, lucky.
elizabeth- flourish in progress recently posted..Monday Dare: I offended a granny. Again.

Noa October 3, 2011 at 6:17 pm

It’s true. She even has great tits (I assume).

Tania Ortiz December 10, 2011 at 7:26 pm

I love your funny bitches. Yay, Jamie!!!
Tania Ortiz recently posted..Gout Tips

Noa December 19, 2011 at 12:54 am

I love them, too. Thought I’m almost 100% positive you are a spammer. We shall see.

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