Two Big ‘Ol Dicks, Just Hanging Out. (Not Featuring Gay Porn.)

08/31/2011 · 157 comments

in Adrian, I'm A Terrible Person, Love, My Family Is Strikingly Odd.

  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Being foodies, and trying new restaurants to keep their love…spicy!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: A shared hatred of extremely specific Mexican food restaurants. Because fuck you, Uncle Julio’s, you ingrateful bastard. You know what you’ve done.
  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Going out dancing–being close and sexy and moving in all the right ways!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: Going out driving like goddamn hooligans–the perfect gear change, redlining, drifting in all the right ways. While staying totally within the laws of the State of Texas regarding road safety. Buckle up, bitches.
  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Doing home improvement projects with each other–and being all sexy with the paint!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: Turning home improvement projects into horrific shows of absolute tyranny and revolution about where that God-Forsaken towel rack is going to  go because WE HAVE FOUR ALREADY WHY DO WE NEED MORE, FUCK YOU.
  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Gentle, memorable conversations with family and friends. We’ll both leave with warmed hearts!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: Violent, profanity-laced card games with family and friends. We’ll both leave with bruises and a much-lowered level of respect amongst our peers.
  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Sharing the chores between each other to strengthen their love!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: Sharing the chores between each other to strengthen our obsessive-compulsive disorder about how the sheets go this way or you’ll die in a car crash because I also washed the bathmats and I might have to sleep on them to keep you alive.
  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Watching their children grow and learn!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: Watching other people’s children perform in public places while plotting ways to heckle them and, “prepare them for necessary but harsh criticism.” Jackie Evancho, you’re next.
  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Stargazing, and gazing into each other’s eyes!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: Peoplegazing, and rating the tit-attractiveness of each woman that passes by.
  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Thinking of sweet Couple’s Halloween costume ideas to show off how in-sync they are!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: Thinking about whether it’s appropriate for Adrian to dress as Jesus this year, and I’ll dress like a whore and be Mary Magdalene. S’cool, right?
  • Normal Couples Bond Over: Being two well-adjusted adults in love!
  • Adrian and Noa Bond Over: Being two giant dicks dicking around. TOGETHER.

MAKING IT WORK ONE DAY AT A TIME, FUCKAHS.

What do you and your husband/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/goat/prehistoric firemonster bond over?

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Britt: “Be sure to tell them to call you when they’re 29 years old, on their 3rd undergrad degree, shoulder deep in fucking student loans and 45 lbs heavier than their 1st undergrad degree. If my studies are correct, 75% of them face at least 3/4 of those factors.* *I haven’t done any studies. I’m too fucking busy trying to not end up like they inevitably will.”

 

Eric August 31, 2011 at 12:58 am

Do I get credit for having someone that allows me to fall in both of these categories? Except for the Jesus costume, because I’m bald and wigs slide off.
Eric recently posted..We saw this coming, and I’m not talking about Irene

Noa August 31, 2011 at 5:53 pm

You’re adorable. Yes, you get full credit, Bald-So-Can’t-Be-Jesus.

Mrs Woog August 31, 2011 at 1:23 am

Mr Woog and I bond over bottles of wine and laughing at our neighbours.

blondie August 31, 2011 at 8:46 am

Mr. Mister and I totally mock our neighbors — the Fats, the Crazy Lady, and the Tireds — all while we’re safely behind closed doors and windows, of course.

We also bond over baby talking the dog about how much meaner the other one is to him; seeing who can make the other one laugh; making fun of our friends’ stories of bickering with their spouses/friends/work (other peoples’ problems are so funny).

See why I have to constantly tell the dog how mean Mr. Mister is?

Delina August 31, 2011 at 11:40 pm

We also have neighbors call “The Fatties”! They just last week installed a hottub we can see anytime we go outside or look out our kitchen window. That was perhaps the most unfortunate thing that has happened to us since we moved in. They really like standing around the tub in various states of undress. But I guess it gives me and my boyfriend more quality bonding time…
Delina recently posted..What I do alone in my hotel room

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:42 pm

HRRRRRRCCKKK.

That reminds me of when Grace’s neighbors backed up a mobile home RIIIIIGHT up against her bathroom window, and then plugged the son of a bitch into her bathroom outlet.

Naturally, she cut the cord.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 5:58 pm

@Mrs. Woog: We’re Eastern European, so we do the same with Vodka!

@Blondie: I love that you have neighbors called, “the Fats.” I imagine them being as awesome as our old neighbor, “The Goddamn Thief.”

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 9:33 pm

My boys and I fondly refer to out neighbors as the-douchebag-frat-boys and the-drunk-old-ladies respectively.
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..This is how we decorate at work

Bee August 31, 2011 at 1:36 am

My boyfriend and I bond over Star Wars, a mutual love of queso, not wearing pants around the house (because FUCK PANTS), a mutual hate for each other’s favorite football teams, and dolphin porn.

God, we’re weird.
Bee recently posted..What the EFF, Lunesta?

Hoody Hoo August 31, 2011 at 6:47 am

“Fuck pants” is not a weird statement. “Fuck pants” is a FACT OF LIFE.
Hoody Hoo recently posted..Ask Me No Questions…

Norway August 31, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Now I’m stuck wondering what “fuck pants” would be if they were actual clothing and not just a life-changing philosophy.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Mamy August 31, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Thanks for the visual Noa…I think I may have clown nightmares tonight!
Mamy recently posted..Why Congress Needs to Watch More Dora the Explorer

Noa August 31, 2011 at 10:48 pm

ANYTIME.

Norway September 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Oh my dead wizard God. I am scarred.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Amazingly true.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Was I the only one who read THE DOLPHIN PORN PART? Please, elaborate.

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Never heard of dolphin porn, but have you seen Lego porn? Fucking epic!
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..This is how we decorate at work

Noa August 31, 2011 at 10:48 pm

I Call your lego porn, and raise you Gummy Bear Porn.

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 11:32 pm

CRAP!!! It won’t let me post the LEGO porn. Pfft! Whatev. . .
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..This is how we decorate at work

Jen Reinmuth September 1, 2011 at 8:07 am

Pants are for pussies! . . . Literally.
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..This is how we decorate at work

Jackie August 31, 2011 at 1:52 am

My husband and I bond over who can find the worst tackiest music on Youtube… and trying to out-screech the lead singer of Journey.
And does Batman and Robin count as an in-sync couples costume idea? Because I’m really only doing it for the tights and green leather gloves.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:12 pm

That’s the most special marital bond of all. And HELL YES Batman and Robin is a couples idea.

Annie August 31, 2011 at 6:31 am

Seems completely normal to me.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Excellent.

Leslie August 31, 2011 at 6:47 am

I think that my husband and I bond over how messed up our mutual friends are and balancing the fine line of wanting to do completely opposite things most of the time.

Yeah, we could probably use more bonding.
Leslie recently posted..Maniacally rubbing my kitchen counters

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Are you….oh God are you Me?

Hoody Hoo August 31, 2011 at 6:50 am

Chuckweasel and I also have hatred of several of our local Mexican restaurants — mostly because one tried to poison him (he SAYS) and another one ignored him throughout an entire meal. Seriously, we ordered, they brought MY drink, then MY food, then the check! I was FUCKING DYING! And neither of us has enough Spanish to get it taken off the bill!

We also bond over which of the chicks on “Jersey Shore” would be least unpleasant to bang — He says Sammi (but only if she’s a mute) or Deena… I say J-Woww ’cause her boobs frickin’ FASCINATE ME.
Hoody Hoo recently posted..Ask Me No Questions…

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Misty August 31, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Jen – fuck that is funny. And so true.
Misty recently posted..The Eye of the Storm

Hoody Hoo September 1, 2011 at 7:00 am

Jen, I FUCKIN’ LOVE THAT! And it’s probably true, a lot of my 38 boxes’ worth of books ARE off the shelves…
Hoody Hoo recently posted..You’ll Need a Number 2 Pencil

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:18 pm

@Hoody: It’s like the Twilight Zone of Taquitos. I would have loved to see that shit go down. Also, the answer is Deena.

@Jen: Truer words, my friend.

Hoody Hoo September 1, 2011 at 7:03 am

Seriously, I could barely eat, I was laughing so hard I was CRYING! And he doesn’t like margaritas OR the weird shit I eat, so I couldn’t even share! Although I did OFFER, because I knew it would be declined. And he just sat there watching the waitress go around with other people’s food, like a little lost puppy…
Hoody Hoo recently posted..You’ll Need a Number 2 Pencil

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Are you sure Chuck’s not dead?

Misty September 4, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Oh damn, Chuckweasel is Bruce Willis. I never saw that coming . . . .

HOODY SEES DEAD PEOPLE.
Misty recently posted..Welcome to the Jungle

Paula @ thewilyweez August 31, 2011 at 7:29 am

It’s good to know my husband and I are not the only couple that bonds over such wierd things!
Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted..We Took The "Scenic" Route: Queue Creepy Banjo Music

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:19 pm

You’re among friends, here.

Misty August 31, 2011 at 8:01 am

Who are these creepy ass stepford people you are calling “normal?” Who would want to bond over that shit.

The hubs and I bond over who can be the most/best in everything. Doesn’t matter what, we are just ultra competetive like that. And assholes. We also bond over making fun of other people’s stupidity and laughing at my idiot family members.

Jesus and Mary Magdalene is inspired. And awesome. Must post pics of that!

Oh, and Fuck Normal. Pants, too apparently.
Misty recently posted..The Eye of the Storm

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Honestly? I’m fairly sure it’s Adrian’s Sister and her Husband. They’re…they’re perfect. And we’re just such dicks.

And fuck pants.

Lilscorpiosweet August 31, 2011 at 8:02 am

My Trekkie and I bond over blogs. I send him Noa all the time.. he reads mine and all the rest of the weird shit I send him.

We bond over porn about turn ons and laugh at all the weirdness porn has to offer. We also bond over how we don’t do normal.
Lilscorpiosweet recently posted..Leggo My Eggo (Fantasy)

Noa August 31, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Awwww, I’m glad I can help you bond with all my foul language.

I’m also noticing that there are a lot of people who bond over very strange porn, and that makes me so happy.

Andi August 31, 2011 at 8:20 am

The Hubs and I bond over: Syfy TV shows, our shared disdain for those in authority, weird sexual fetishes, critiquing the mating habits of our various friends, whining about who has to do which chores, and finding restaurants that serve alcohol AND have a game room where we can exile the crotch fruit.

We also have an ongoing quest to figure out why restaurant vodka gimlets taste so good and the ones we make at home taste like ass. Priorities, people.
Andi recently posted..Alice Cooper 101 and Other Things You Should Know

Noa August 31, 2011 at 10:50 pm

WHAT IS IT WITH THE PORNO BONDING.

Also, I’m convinced that restaurants have exclusive vodka that we are not welcome to know about because my vodka sours taste like ass.

Andi September 1, 2011 at 8:34 am

I KNEW IT. Yet another reason to rage against the man.
Andi recently posted..Alice Cooper 101 and Other Things You Should Know

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:43 pm

The Man: restricting civil rights and good vodka since 1453!

Cheryl S. August 31, 2011 at 8:27 am

The hubs and I bond over unicorns and glitter. And who has to clean that sh*t up after the 6 year old princess finishes yet another f*cking art project. We bond over shows on the History Channel. And how neither one of us has actually watched an entire show on said channel because our couch is a soul sucking demon that makes you fall asleep 2 minutes after sitting down. And wine. Definitely wine.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Our sleepytime nemesis is Morgan Freeman’s Through the Wormhole. Neither one of us has ever finished an episode because Freeman is that couch-y soul sucking demon.

Kelly August 31, 2011 at 8:32 am

Hubs and I almost came to fisticuffs just trying to install new doorknobs this weekend. It’s safe to say that if he tried to get “sexy with paint”, not only would I lose 15 pounds laughing at him, that shit is going on Youtube.

Just the word “bond” makes me think that someone is coming after me with duct tape and a ball gag. I know he loves me when he cracks off a fart in bed that could double as a nuke and pulls the covers over my head. I know I love him because the booze tells me so.
Kelly recently posted..Taco Tuesday!

Noa August 31, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Adrian tried to be sexy with paint once. It was lacquer, and I was pissed. We no longer work with tools at the same time.

Norway September 4, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I adore you for being able to use the word fisticuffs in a sentence. The only other person I know who does that is my British neighbour. You win.

Noa September 5, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Fisticuffs is useful in every sentence. Including college admissions essays.

Norway September 6, 2011 at 6:30 pm

I promise to keep this in mind when the time comes.

Johi August 31, 2011 at 8:51 am

My mother told me that my husband and I seemed to bond over making fun of people. She said “I thought that is what you two had in common.”
Pass that “dicks dicking around” label our way.
Johi recently posted..No, I don’t want to discuss Thomas the Tank Engine.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 10:57 pm

I think that, “Two Dicks Dicking Around,” would be a great relationship book by Dr. Seuss. Or for the Count on Sesame Street.

Jaclyn August 31, 2011 at 9:24 am

My husband and I bond over annoying each other. Let me rephrase that. I like to annoy my husband. My favorite things to do that annoy the shit out of him: 1. put one finger on him. Seriously, just touch him lightly with one finger. I think it annoys him purely because he knows I’m doing it specifically to annoy him. 2. pull off his socks when he’s laying in bed. Because he has this weird thing about always having socks on. 3. Pull his pillow out from under his head and throw it across the room. Because I’m a bitch, I guess. 4. Ask him why he hates me when he refuses to go to the store or take the dog out or pretty much anything I ask him to do that he doesn’t want to do.

In my defense, he’s generally an asshole. And he gets back at me when I try any of this shit by picking his nose and trying to wipe it on me. Because I married a 9 year old boy, apparently.

Also? Fuck normal people.
Jaclyn recently posted..Note to Self: Don’t be a Cunt

Jackie G August 31, 2011 at 12:35 pm

MY HUSBAND PICKS HIS NOSE AND WIPES IT ON ME TOO. I didn’t realize it was a “thing”, but I feel a lot better knowing I’m not the only one victimized by this.

addtova August 31, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Jaclyn- I think we were meant to be best friends. Seriously. We have the same hobby.
addtova recently posted..Recipe Tuesday- vegan vegetarian or meaty!

Jaclyn August 31, 2011 at 5:52 pm

husbands are goddamn gross
Jaclyn recently posted..Note to Self: Don’t be a Cunt

Johi August 31, 2011 at 10:14 pm

I have a hard time containing my vomit when my very small children have boogers or snot issues. If my husband did it…. oh, I don’t like to think dark thoughts like that.
Johi recently posted..Raisinets® or Disappointment? I’ll take the candy please…..

Noa August 31, 2011 at 10:59 pm

whatisthisIdon’teven.

If Adrian wiped his nose (or any of a large list of orifices) on me, I would be ripping the nuts away from the body as fast as humanly possible.

HRRRRCKKKK.

Jaclyn September 1, 2011 at 7:55 am

Did you guys see that? Noa thinks she’s better than us because her husband isn’t 9 years old :)
Jaclyn recently posted..Note to Self: Don’t be a Cunt

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Did I forget to mention how HILARIOUS he thinks it is to crop dust me on purpose? He may not be 9, but he’s only 10.

Siren August 31, 2011 at 10:15 am

Carolyn and I used to bond over dictionaries, reduplicative phrases, and coming up with synonyms for “whore.” Then she went and died. Now Diane and I bond over the ways we could be seasonally accessorizing Carolyn’s mummified corpse in the front yard if only she hadn’t totally thwarted us with the cremation thing.

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Pfft! Selfish bitch…
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..Soundtrack of YOUR Shame

Johi August 31, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Wretched trollop….
Johi recently posted..Raisinets® or Disappointment? I’ll take the candy please…..

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:00 pm

LIKE THOSE GEESE THAT PEOPLE PUT CLOTHES ON AND THEN I STEAL THEM BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

Siren, you’re my favorite.

Hoody Hoo September 1, 2011 at 7:14 am

DAMMIT! I find this idea AFTER my grandparents are all dead?
Hoody Hoo recently posted..You’ll Need a Number 2 Pencil

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:45 pm

I think you’d create marionette theatre, wouldn’t you?

Tattoo My Heart August 31, 2011 at 11:02 am

My mom and I bond over being aghast at the moms on Toddlers and Tiaras and my bff and I bond over being aghast at the teenage brides on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

Still looking for a bf to bond with over being aghast at the designs on Project Runway. Oooh, wait…that could be the problem…
Tattoo My Heart recently posted..He’s Just Not That Into You…Yet?

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Oh, Christ, Tattoo. . .this one’s for you and your mom: http://portlandiamom.blogspot.com/2011/07/sparkle-baby.html
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..Soundtrack of YOUR Shame

Tattoo My Heart August 31, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Jen, I really don’t think I could have said it better myself!
Is it sad that I knew the man you were talking about before you posted a picture of him? lol

I raise a glass and toast you in our shared mortified obsession with T&T. Nice to know me and mom aren’t the only ones out here. :)
Tattoo My Heart recently posted..He’s Just Not That Into You…Yet?

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 12:58 pm

That show is such a horrifying melange of kiddie porn and fabulousness that I can not tear my eyes away.

Oooh! And don’t forget: new episode of ‘Dance Moms’ tonight! HOLLA! :)
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..Soundtrack of YOUR Shame

Tattoo My Heart August 31, 2011 at 1:11 pm

DVR is already set to tape it in case I don’t get home in time! :)

I want to see Abby Lee try and teach David’s daughter Ava to dance…David would be in there with claws out in a second! Me-ow!
Tattoo My Heart recently posted..He’s Just Not That Into You…Yet?

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I’m waiting for Abby Lee to eat one of those freakishly waifish children. That chica is like the Josef Mengele of the dance world.
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..Soundtrack of YOUR Shame

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:45 pm

The phrase, “Josef Mengele of the dance world,” is probably the weirdest comment I’ve ever had.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:00 pm

TLC: Feel shitty about your life? Not anymore!

TLC has done good things for relationships and self-esteem all across our nation.

Tattoo My Heart September 1, 2011 at 8:09 am

TLC is great for making me realize I’m not as pathetic/self-obsessed/bitchy/crazy/fucked-up as I thought I was.

THAT’S public service!
Tattoo My Heart recently posted..He’s Just Not That Into You…Yet?

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Thanks, TLC! I’m fucking normal!

Dani August 31, 2011 at 11:03 am

Dan and I bond over petty, stupid arguments and proving each other wrong, followed by the “Boo-yah! In yo FACE, Losahhh!” Dance. (Which 99% of the time is performed by me. “You’re a loser, you’re a loser… ”
Dani recently posted..facebooking from the edge…: Hair Apparent

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:02 pm

I must learn to do this dance. I have many dances (it’s cold dance, it’s hot dance, I have to shower dance, I have to pee dance, where are my shoes dance, birthday dance, sexy time dance, taco time dance, sweet tea dance, many many more) but I do not have a loser dance yet.

Hoody Hoo September 1, 2011 at 7:15 am

gotta have the happy food dance, too — so the waitress knows you’re happy with your meal!
Hoody Hoo recently posted..You’ll Need a Number 2 Pencil

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Damn. New dance time.

Lex August 31, 2011 at 11:20 am

Those “normal couples” you speak of sound creepy as fuck.

So glad that my husband and I bond over more sensible things, such as sleep deprivation, the stupidity of our cat, and how shit gets real when Dexter Morgan puts on his killing shirt.
Lex recently posted..Random Tuesday Thoughts Vol. 42 — Why won’t Munchkin sleep?!!?

Jaclyn August 31, 2011 at 5:53 pm

OMG Dexter. Dexter can slay my vagina every day of the week.
Jaclyn recently posted..Note to Self: Don’t be a Cunt

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:04 pm

I have never seen Dexter. Am I banned now?

Lex August 31, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Nah; just know that it’s definitely worth checking out :D
Lex recently posted..Random Tuesday Thoughts Vol. 42 — Why won’t Munchkin sleep?!!?

Jaclyn September 1, 2011 at 12:28 pm

you need to remedy that immediately. It’s a seriously awesome show.
Jaclyn recently posted..Note to Self: Don’t be a Cunt

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:46 pm

I’m on it.

elizabeth- flourish in progress August 31, 2011 at 11:36 am

How do Harv and I bond? Well, he gazes lovingly into my eyes and calls me a lady. I stare at him and tell him he better take out the goddamn trash.

Manners. We bond through manners.
elizabeth- flourish in progress recently posted..Monday Dare: It’s almost cake time, y’all

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:04 pm

I’m sure he’ll be thrilled with the, “SHIT, BITCH, PUSSY, and FUCK,” sticky notes I bought you today.

Jillian August 31, 2011 at 12:13 pm

My ex and I had our first “fight” over the difference between a taco and a burrito. We did research and formed teams of supporters. The debate lasted for weeks before we agreed to disagree, and now, almost a year later, we still bring it up occasionally, just to have something to passionately defend.

For the record, if you were to place all of the ingredients from within a taco into a (presumably slightly larger) tortilla that was wrapped instead of folded lengthwise, it would become a burrito. Were I to perform this masterful feat under a table where you could not see what I was doing, you would accept that the new item I provide to you is, in fact, a burrito and not a taco. There is no “essence of taco” or “essence of burrito” which prevents me from making such a change and which would alert you to said alteration.

It was a productive discussion: Essence of Taco and Essence of Burrito are patent pending fragrances that I intend to market to women under 30. When used in conjunction with Bacon Perfume, I shall be responsible for more marriages than that guy from EHarmony.
Jillian recently posted..A Resume Named Wendy (Because Everyone Names Their Resumes, Duh.)

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:06 pm

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered what the fuck is wrong with Adrian when I say, “I’m making tacos,” and he says, “Oh man, can we have burritos?”

Um. *rolls tortilla* Here you go, Homie.

Jillian September 1, 2011 at 12:09 am

Thank the Chipotle Gods you’re on my side.
Jillian recently posted..They did WHAT?! For HOW many cookies??

Hoody Hoo September 1, 2011 at 7:08 am

Okay, then, Smarty McSmarty… what about SOFT TACOS???
Hoody Hoo recently posted..You’ll Need a Number 2 Pencil

Andi September 1, 2011 at 8:30 am

Soft tacos are just burritos with the ends tucked in. There ya go, you’re welcome.
Andi recently posted..Alice Cooper 101 and Other Things You Should Know

Andi September 1, 2011 at 12:56 pm

I mean burritos with the ends UNTUCKED. Obviously.
Andi recently posted..Alice Cooper 101 and Other Things You Should Know

Jillian September 1, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Perfecto.
Jillian recently posted..They did WHAT?! For HOW many cookies??

Jillian September 1, 2011 at 3:01 pm

You can see why such a discussion could get so heated. I wouldn’t say that it caused a rift within our friends, but I’ve seen people walk out of Taco Del Mar in protest…
Jillian recently posted..They did WHAT?! For HOW many cookies??

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Adrian swears he can taste the difference between soft taco and burrito.

Adrian’s mentally handicapped.

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 12:21 pm

My kids and I bond over our combined shitty taste in TV (‘Toddlers & Tiaras’? Yes, please.), different ways to haze our douche-wand frat boy neighbors (yeah, I taught my 9-year-old twins the classic ‘flaming bag of poo’ schtick. . .you’re welcome), and our ability to be just one huge steaming bowl of awesome.
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..Soundtrack of YOUR Shame

Front Desk Ninja August 31, 2011 at 6:25 pm

I want to be your child. Adopt me?
My mom never appreciated when I put ads in the newspaper for my neighbours homes.
Kijiji wasn’t around growing up, I had to pay to put fake for sale ads up.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..Discriminating Against The Man, Or Why You Shouldn’t Fuck With The Little People

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Oh my God, you are SO in the family! Last week when my ghetto-ass neighbors left a bunch of shit out on the lawn my kids and I took it and sold it on craigslist. Took our asses to Taco Bell that night with the profits, bitches!
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..This is how we decorate at work

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:08 pm

We once had a neighbor that had a bunch of junk in his front yard, but would steal shit from our shed and sell our stuff, but never his.

Jen, I need my storm windows back.

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Your storm windows = my Steve Madden leopard print pumps so you’d best be lockin’ that shit up. I’m just sayin. . .
Jen Reinmuth recently posted..This is how we decorate at work

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Fair enough.

SadieSez August 31, 2011 at 12:23 pm

My first ex-husband (EH1) and I used to bond over trashy tabloids. Then we BECAME trashy tabloid material.
EH2 and I never bonded over anything. That’s why he’s EH2. :)
SadieSez recently posted..Blog, Blog, Bloggetty-Blog Blog (or All Hyped Up and No One to Talk To)

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:09 pm

That’s fucking fantastic.

KatieBee August 31, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Mr. Bee and I bond over inappropriate jokes and awkward silences. At the doctor’s office this morning:

Dr.: “Good morning!”
Me: “Good morning Dr.!” (Said in my best “I just LOVE getting up at the ass crack of dawn to come to the eye doctor” voice)
Dr.: “Well, you’re awful perky today.”
Husband: “OH, THAT’S JUST HER NEW BRA.”
Dr.: *crickets*
Me: “….”

Annnnnnnd scene.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Good to know that Adrian isn’t the only one who tries so hard to embarrass his wife.

Luda August 31, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I didn’t read all of the comments because I’m a lazy asshole, but surely someone has already mention bonding over farts by now?
Luda recently posted..Subarus and redundant homosexuality.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Of course they have! Adrian and I bond over a negative-feedback relationship that I’ve created about his cropdusting.

Tazer Warrior Princess August 31, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Normal friends bond over: shared interests, maybe going out drinking, talking about guys.
MY FRIENDS BOND OVER: Making fun of ho’s, going fupa-hunting, staying up until 3AM tailgating and watching the drunkies stumble out of the bar, and buying ridiculous stuff like Beaucephus the Horse Head and shit from thrift stores. Oh, and did I mention making fun of people? Cause that’s how we roll.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Life is, what, 90% making fun of people?

Life is awesome.

Lady B September 1, 2011 at 9:56 am

I don’t know what Fupa Hunting is and now I feel stupid.
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Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Fat Upper Pussy Area. AKA: The Front Butt.

Emily August 31, 2011 at 2:56 pm

I discourage the dressing as Jesus/slutty Mary/Nun if you plan to leave your house. My husband and I did it a couple years ago (granted we live in Utah) and actually had a man in a bar threaten our lives if we didn’t remove the costumes (which were epic and spot-on) immediately. We laughed, he produced a knife, ya know, normal Halloween type stuff.

Jen Reinmuth August 31, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Dressing as the Son of God and his skank in the middle of Mormon country? Genius! You are officially more bad-ass than a mutha@#$%in’ pimp, yo!*
*Yes, I’m a white girl from Oregon. . .judge away. . .
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Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:12 pm

We’re from Texas, so chances are high the same will happen to us. No Jeebus this year. :(

addtova August 31, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Conversation between David and I last night

David: Goodnight.

Me: Let’s play 20 questions!

David: Tova it is late lets go to sleep.

Me: Just one game! uuuum Got it.

David: what no we are going to sleep.

Me: GUESS!

(david caves, and guesses. it takes him all 20 questions)

David: Ok goodnight

Me: No it’s your turn.

David: no I have “0″, lets just go to sleep.

Me: what do you mean, you have “0″

David: That’s how you play 20 questions, you keep going until someone has 20 points and you get a point for every unused question.

Me: ok we will play buy your rules. Is it a place?

David: what?

Me: You said we were playing to 20!

David: (groan), no we are sleeping

Me: David, these are your rules, I didn’t make them up I’m just following them.

David: (whimpers)

Me: Is it a person?

(this is how we bond. By annoying the crap out of each other. But it comes from a place of love)
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Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:12 pm

There are a lot of marriages built on mutual annoyance, and that fact makes all the Jewish mothers of the world (including my MIL) so happy.

Jaime August 31, 2011 at 3:08 pm

now I totally want to steal your Jesus and whorish Mary idea for Halloween this year… hehe

oh and peoplegazing is fucking hilarious….. my SO and I like to do this and share snyde comments about other people.
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Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Don’t get in a Knife Fight on halloween based on my suggestion.

The Wannabe Housewife August 31, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Husband and I enjoy bonding time by laughing about the unfortunate souls that surround us and criticize our neighbors backyard conditions (among other things).

“My God, they have HOW many plants in that planter? I bet you everything will be dead in a week!” *shakes on it*

“Husband, check out the tits on that one over there!”
“Eh, you can clearly see that the nipples are out of sync. Someone must be a bit wonk-eyed. Next?”

Glad to know that you guys are just as awesome too!
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Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:13 pm

The phrase, “nipples out of sync,” is now Adrian’s favorite saying. Thank you.

Norway August 31, 2011 at 6:30 pm

My prehistoric fire monster and I bond over our shared passion for finding the Loch Ness Monster and chicken flambé.

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:13 pm

I just spit out water all over my rug. THANKS.

Norway September 1, 2011 at 5:57 pm

That makes me ridiculously happy. Just so long as your water doesn’t put out my fire monster.

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Whoops.

Norway September 4, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Dammit Noa! He owed me money!

Front Desk Ninja August 31, 2011 at 6:36 pm

My best male friend and I discuss his porn films, and how he styles his hair to get the best porn look.

I honestly don’t think whoever is crazy enough to date/marry me, will be able to top the conversation where I badger my friend into telling me all about being a porn star.
Front Desk Ninja recently posted..Discriminating Against The Man, Or Why You Shouldn’t Fuck With The Little People

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:18 pm

I was once in your shoes.

“There’s no one who will marry my crazy ass. I love fighting too much, and eastern europeans with long hair and pretty eyes, and drinking, and about a million other ridiculous things.”

And then, I met Adrian, who is a long-haired eastern european fighter with pretty eyes who can slam vodka like I’ve never seen.

That sombitch married me.

Front Desk Ninja September 1, 2011 at 3:42 am

I’m looking for an older (read: able to speak properly, has a job, car and doesn’t live with mommy and daddy) country cowboy type who can handle the fact I take shit from no one and am opinionated (read: really fucking stubborn and full of the ‘only child’ syndrome).

And I’m in Canada.
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Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Canada: Here’s Hopin’!

Metta (the letter m) August 31, 2011 at 6:43 pm

The fiance and I bond over a common hatred and irritation of just about everyone else. Also, the tit thing, although it’s more about the fuckme boots she’d be wearing.
Also also, picking on people and laughing at them when they’re down, because we’re all fellow members of blah blah blah planet earth.
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Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:19 pm

I think love is sometimes less what you share in love than what you share in hate.

Victoria August 31, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Victoria & Tyson (my *ahem* pug) bond over who gets to eat the last Tostito that may or may not have fell on the floor first. I mean, of course if it’s a floor Tostito, then he gets it.

Maybe.
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Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:20 pm

He’s gotta be fucking quick. Floor tostitos are easily dust-able.

Angie August 31, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I am juvenile enough that if some man sat next to me under the stars and went from gazing at the stars to gazing in my eyes and said something romantic, I’d probably giggle and hit him in the balls. I am for your type of bonding. Life is supposed to be fun and you two seem to be doing it right!
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Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Adrian proposed to me with a twist-tie from the bread loaf. I’m clearly a classy, romantic lady.

Because I said yes and wore it for 6 months.

Tans August 31, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Normal couples: wouldn’t dream of spending any more time than necessary with the Gavins.

Tonya and Adam: totally need to hang out with Noa and Adrian.

Peas. Pod. End of story. One time I’ll tell you about how a simple paint job became a full on bathroom renovation and how it’s fun to repeatedly tell little kids to sit down during a baseball game and then acting like we’d never spoken to them in our lives when they tell their parents…

Noa August 31, 2011 at 11:21 pm

You need to meet my friend Hoody, who adopts a cockney accent at children’s sports games and heckles them. You’d love her, too.

Hoody Hoo September 1, 2011 at 7:21 am

I told you I WAS DRUNK! And they STARTED it!
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Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I will never stop bringing that shit up. Never.

Jess September 1, 2011 at 2:59 am

I’m single, but my friends and I have odd bonding rituals. These include, but are not limited to: browsing sex stores at 2 AM because we got bored, bursting into dramatic renditions of T.S. Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” at little to no provocation, occasional bouts of crossdressing, sharing strange youtube videos, and giving ourselves heart disease via Outback Steakhouse.

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I sincerely applaud your TS Eliot. Adrian does that sort of, but it’s with Queen lyrics.

A Responsible Adult September 1, 2011 at 9:25 am

My husband and I bond over confusing our children. It never gets old. There are so many options! Words that aren’t in their vocabulary yet (examples: mastication, invariably, alacrity, fallacious, etc); taking advantage of grammatical mistakes they make and how those mistakes affect the meaning of what they are saying; and good ol’ fashioned sarcasm.
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Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Are you me from the future?

Lady B September 1, 2011 at 9:55 am

Here’s the deal: I hate Jackie Evancho.
That little bitch is TRYING to look cute and it digusts me. Stop doing your weird little eyelash flutters and shoulder shrug as if to say “Me? I would never wet the bed.”

When kids are trying to be cute it makes me want to punt them. You’re either naturally adorable or not.

If not, embrace it and be the weird ass kid that eats crayons so you can show other kids your multicoloured poop.

But don’t go around wearing cutesy dresses and acting like you vomit sunshine. Cause I am ON TO YOU.
Lady B recently posted..Don’t worry baby, I’ve been rollerskating for years. Here, hook your foot around my neck and lean back.

Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:52 pm

SHE’S A TERRIBLE PERSON. She might be satan wrapped in a tiny satin dress because I don’t buy a goddamn thing coming out of her sing-hole.

I’m so glad you hate her, too.

Feryx September 1, 2011 at 6:03 pm

I’m travelling so I Skype with my other half, call him all kinds of names like retard, dickhead, stupid, tell him i’m not coming home to a weird asshole like him and so on, then pretend to hug him and kiss him through the screen. True love? me thinks so.
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Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Awwwwwwww. Yes.

emmysuh September 1, 2011 at 9:33 pm

We bond over…

Which Angry Beavers episodes are our favourites. Cheese Grits. How KFC *Seems* Like a Good Idea until You Actually Eat Half a Bucket of Chicken and DIE. People who write blogs about their Harry Potter SIMS characters. Making fun of grocery store clerks with weird accents. Making fun of people’s (men, mostly) beards. Pretending our pug dog is a surly grandpa. Performing the Dementor’s Kiss on each other (sound creepier/fetishier than it actually is…I know, I know, there is no way I can save this one but I swear, try it, lean in for a kiss and then PSYCH blow in his mouth instead, they’re flustered, you’re victorious!!!)

Pretty sure I have made everyone aware of how nerdy/creepy/weird we are soooooo on that note…I’ll sign off. And go pretend my Pug Dog is a Surly Grandpa.
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Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Wait, what?

Who writes blogs about their harry potters SIMS characters? I must know.

Dead Cow Girl September 2, 2011 at 12:09 am

How about drinking cocktails in our jammies in front of the tv.

BTW – if you do go as Jebus and Mary Maggy – do take pictures for me!
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Noa September 3, 2011 at 11:53 pm

That’s some fucking BONDING. (age?)

Wait.

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Lou September 8, 2011 at 7:50 pm

My husband and I bond over a lot of random ass things.
Such as:
Drinking our asses off when it is just the two of us.
The general hatred of almost all of our circle of friends. (really all but 2 of them are giant bags of douche but it is so hard to find friends as an adult!)
The fact that we are both nerds and that he absolutely loves the fact that sometime I am a bigger nerd than him.
Watching cops bust criminals while sitting on our patio drinking and smoking. (A few weeks we actually did this for hours)
We bond over the fact that should never be allowed to assemble anything together ever. I shouldn’t even be in the room. There was the incident with the grill where I didn’t tell him that he was putting it together backwards because I was afraid he would yell at me for not telling him earlier which of course ended with us yelling at each other. There was also the time with the bike rack on the back of the car. I ended up crying and laughing sitting in the parking lot next to the car. We hardly ever fight but when we do it is always over lame inconsequential things.

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