If you’ve never heard of David Thorne and the majesty of all that he writes, touches, and slaps his dick onto, then fuck you.
Thorne is so goddamn good at being fucking hilarious that he makes me think my lifelong goals of being funny, because I will never be this good. As hard as I try, I’ll never think of Missing Missy.
I will never have a kid this amazing.
Or rage against a school and seemingly innocent permission slip as well as he does.
I’ve tried to pay bills with alcohol, but I never thought of using a cartoon spider.
I’m fairly sure that all the BlockBuster Stores in the greater DFW area have become terror dens for Tea Partiers, so I’ll not get to be this fantastic.
He does make me glad that I don’t have to work in the design industry. I was once a bridal consultant, but it was like being forced to be a porn fluffer for women who smell like dirty lakes full of Juggalos.
Mother of God. I’ll never be this funny.
—Favorite Comment From The Last Post: From Rachael: “Wait, when the fuck did starting a clique become a GOOD thing? Didn’t these assholes watch Mean Girls? The advice I got as a teenager was to be awesome, and to be more awesome than everyone else, so I did. It worked. Looking back, it isn’t surprising that it was so easy to be more awesome than everyone else. I mean, we were teenagers. We all sucked. I just had to suck LESS.”