Kids get all the cool shit these days.
Kids get to exercise in kickass playgrounds. Adults get an elliptical and shin splints.
Kids get to watch gloriously wonderful cartoons. Adults get The Jersey Goddamn Shore.
Kids get to be rockstars and princesses all day. Adults get corporate jobs and unending sadness.
Kids get the best of everything, and it’s bullshit because children are bullshit.
Camp Dangerballs Pines: Summer Camp for Badass Adults
Arts and Motherfucking Crafts
Are you fucking badass? Then strap on your glue guns, motherfuckers, cause we’re gonna make:
- Customized Dildo Voo-Doo Dolls
- Expletive Dictionary Illustration
- Molotov Cocktail Creation and Decoration
- Tit Painting: Like Fingerpainting, but Sexier
Flaming Fucking Archery
Regular archery is for bitches. Get your your lighters, hos.
- Fire at photos of people you hate
- If you have the resources, the actual people that you hate
- More points are awarded for the more severe the burn and crotch-shots
- Put Those Molotov Cocktails to use
Nature Walking with Johnny Walker
Nature is a lot less awful when you’re shithoused.
- Bird Watch, and Then Throw Rocks N’shit at Those Chirping Dicks
- Over The Limit: Up Too High Ropes Course
- Shot Glass Shuttle Races in the Fucking Meadow
- Inevitable First Aid
Zombie/Rapture Survival Course
You’ll be prepared for the undead threat whether you like it or not, because you’re not gonna drag me down, you twatwaffle.
- Shotgun Care and Technique
- Going For The Head: Non-Sexually
- Talking Other Survivors Out of Their Supplies
- Assassinating Other Survivors for Their Supplies
- Rebuilding Society: Spread Those Legs
Business Like a Motherfucker
Cash in on the sadness of others.
- Textile Sweatshop Management
- TLC is Hiring! How To Exploit Your Child for Fun and Profit
- Is It Art? No, It’s Hipster Bullshit. Sell it Anyway!
- Spamming: Easier Than It Looks
Sports, Oprah Style.
- Watch sweaty, ripped men play sports or fight lions
- While you drink on a mountainside that you fucking own
- And eat whole bags of chips dipped in butter
- While nude
Navigation for Assholes
Each week, the camp’s biggest douchewad gets the privilege of this course, in which we drop you off in a scenic location with the following items:
- A busted-ass compass
- A canteen full of the anal secretions of sick poodles
- A blown up photo of Barbara Streisand’s Labia Veins
Which activities would you enjoy? Did I miss any?
Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Elizabeth: “…but how else would i sip my fruity alcoholic delights if not for the steel martini glass? i AM camping, after all. god forbid i do that shit sober. this whole thing read like a christmas list of gifts i want to give to the people i truly hate in my life.”