Funny Bitch Friday: The League All-Stars

06/17/2011 · 26 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday, League Of Funny Bitches

You voted them to the top. You read, you commented, you showed the love.

You told me, “Hey, these bitches (one with a dick) are fucking funny. I want to see what else they bring to the table.”

Cue the confetti, motherfuckers, because here are your League of Funny Bitches All-Stars!

2 Birds 1 Blog

A Vapid Blonde

Cake Wrecks

Flourish In Progress

Hark, A Vagrant

Hoody Hoo

Hyperbole and a Half

I’m Just A Girl & Had It Up To Here

Just Making Convo

Mommy Wants Vodka

Red Means Go


Steam Me Up, Kid

The Bloggess

Wag The Dad

If you didn’t make it this round, you weren’t in the League in time, or any other various sadness relating to The All-Stars, don’t worry. The All-Stars will be re-voted every six months–stay fresh!

More than anything, though–Keep. Bringing. The Funny. None of us can live without it.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post:
From Tova: “I was just disappointed when I burst in to song and all the woodland creatures in real life didn’t know the dance routine. That’s where I really felt Disney let me down.”
wagthedad June 17, 2011 at 4:34 am

Whew. Took me all the way to the end to realize this is in alphabetical order.

All of you not on the list: move it! You people are awesome, and never forget it!

None of us can live without the funny. Especially me. Where I live the sense of humor is all
“I just flew in from Berlin and boy, are my arms tired!”
cue laugh

So this is the first time I have ever been involved in a group I didn’t suspect of wanting to save, buy, or eat my soul. This means a lot to me. I feel like I can be a better person just coming into contact with everyone on here. Thanks, Noa, for bringing us all together.

See what lack of sleep does to me? I turn into a sappy fuck. I can’t be funny when I’m sappy, so I will stop now.

Noa June 19, 2011 at 11:56 pm

I should mention that soon, I’ll be setting up a retreat for all of us. It will include Kool-Aid and South America and possibly the Texas Rangers (not the baseball team.) Stay tuned.

hoodyhoo June 17, 2011 at 5:59 am

HUGE sigh of relief to have made it in… now where can I return 18 gallons of pig’s blood, a prom dress and an assault rifle?

Andi June 17, 2011 at 8:08 am


Noa June 19, 2011 at 11:56 pm

This was a gift to read.

Andi June 17, 2011 at 8:09 am

Yay, I voted for all the popular people! That means I win! I can be sparkly and popular too. Oh wait, it doesn’t work that way, does it?

wagthedad June 17, 2011 at 10:45 am

Oh man…let’s not lump everybody into that popular crowd. I once asked a popular girl to the prom. I was drum major of the marching band. Can anybody top that for geekiness? Anyway her answer:

I’ll go with you, if nobody asks me.

A friend of mine was in the band, too. He actually got a yes. Until her friends refused to allow her to come to the cool after party if he came along. Then she went with someone they chose for her.

THK June 17, 2011 at 1:39 pm

For some reason, I’m reminded of the 1930’s film, “Freaks.”



Andi June 17, 2011 at 2:17 pm

She went with someone THEY chose for her? Oh sweet baby Jeebus, how very Stepford High Prom. I’m thinking your friend lucked out with that one.

wagthedad June 19, 2011 at 1:04 pm

He TOTALLY lucked out on that one. Thing is, he is and was so laid back, when she ditched him he was all “I can see her point,” without any loss of self esteem whatsoever. I wanted to go do something to her house. She went to my college, and when the same friend came to visit me, he just HAD to look her up, and when we met (briefly, thank God) at her house and I mentioned that while I was studying something “sensible” what I really wanted to be was a writer, she said
“Wow, Shane. I never would have thought you would want to be a writer.” I wanted to say “Yeah, that’s because this is the first time you’ve ever spoken to me,” but because I was (and for the most part still am) a huge conflict avoider, I just smiled and mumbled something positive.
Then we got the fuck out of there.

Noa June 19, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Wow. Here at The League, we’re not huge bitches, we’re just funny ones. See–you don’t need no Prom to deal with. You’re ONE OF US NOW.

Tova June 17, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Amazing. My thinks to keep me from being productive list just got longer. I loved the internet.

Noa June 19, 2011 at 11:58 pm

And they’ll just keep coming. THERE ARE SO MANY FUNNY BITCHES IN THE WORLD!!

Tova June 17, 2011 at 2:02 pm

AAAHH I mean things not thinks. I guess typing classes should go on my to do list. Too bad I’ll be too busy reading blogs to take them.

Noa June 19, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Honestly, if you’re more legible than a tween on Facebook, I call it good.

elizabeth- flourish in progress June 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm

This is even better than the time I an uneaten Mentos on the ground in New Orleans. That was delicious, but this, this is much more awesome.

Noa June 19, 2011 at 11:59 pm

That’s the greatest compliment I have ever received.

Bex June 17, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I’m more excited than a virgin dick! I’d like to thank my mum for shredding her vag pushing me out in 1979 so I could be part of this list of awesome. On second thoughts, she never reads my posts anymore because she doesn’t like the swearing. Fuck you mum.

I have read most of the other League of Funny Bitches blogs & you bitches & bitch with dick are funny motherfuckers. Totally worthy of the people’s praises.

Noa June 20, 2011 at 12:00 am

When you’ve gone so far as to deeply offend your mother, you know you’ve made it. Because we can’t all have Mums so awesome as Hoody’s.

Steam Me Up, Kid June 20, 2011 at 3:20 pm

CHAMPION!! CHAMPION!! CHAMPION!! CHAMPwait. I’m not the one with the dick, right? I’ve got kind of a masculine edge to me sometimes, but..Oh. OH! Wag the dad. I see now. Phew!


Noa June 20, 2011 at 5:32 pm

You have BALLS, so I can see where you might have been confused. So, you know, STILL A GODDAMN CHAMPION.

Annah June 21, 2011 at 5:35 pm

You’re the sweetest for putting me on here. *muah*

Noa June 21, 2011 at 8:35 pm

My readers voted you up, thank them!

bschooled June 22, 2011 at 2:11 am

Thank you, Noa.

Just so you know, I’ve decided to name my barren womb after you.
(Nnly because I don’t plan on having any first born children.)

Noa June 22, 2011 at 7:06 pm

No worries. When you’re funny, my readers will pimp your shit. They’re cool like that.

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