If you haven’t heard yet (and I’ll be honestly shocked if you haven’t) Kansas Rep. and Pastor Pete DeGraaf recently decided to make it public knowledge that he felt being impregnated by a rape is akin to getting a flat tire without a spare.

During a session in which it was decided that a ban on abortions in insurance coverage was mandatory minus one condition–when a woman’s life was at risk.

DeGraaf also wanted pregnancy-by-rape abortions to be in that same ban, though a woman could purchase an abortion-only plan.

When another, female, Rep (Bollier) stated that maybe that was a bit callous, and a decision not best made under duress, this was the response (as reported by Pitch and the McPherson Sentinel.)

Rep. Pete DeGraaf, a Mulvane Republican who supports the bill, told her: “We do need to plan ahead, don’t we, in life?”

Bollier asked him, “And so women need to plan ahead for issues that they have no control over with pregnancy?”

DeGraaf drew groans of protest from some House members when he responded, “I have a spare tire on my car.”

“I also have life insurance,” he added. “I have a lot of things that I plan ahead for.”


You know what, DeGraaf? I bet if someone jumped out from behind your car today and raped you, you wouldn’t have a fucking plan in place for that. You wouldn’t have a spare tire for your ass while someone mercilessly held you down and disregarded your humanity.

I bet you wouldn’t have a plan in place for the humiliation you’d feel afterwards, and if you had the ability to become pregnant, the horror of realizing that the incident has left you with a terrible choice to make that your insurance company will not help you with.

I bet you wouldn’t have a plan in place for the psychological damage that happens when someone steals that part of your soul.

I bet you wouldn’t have a plan in place for when your drink is drugged and a friend holds you down in a daze and destroys your innocence and your heart.

You send a message to women that’s all too familiar–that you feel rape is entirely the fault of the woman. The assumption, the gall, to say that women can and should plan ahead for a goddamn rape sends a silent message that it’s okay for women to be raped, as long as she’s filed her proper papers. You send the message that rape, like home repair and health physicals, are TO. BE. EXPECTED. Rape away, fuckers, because she’s with State Farm.

What a cheery goddamn message to send to our young girls. “At some point, a man will destroy everything you hold dear in a sad attempt at controlling you and making himself feel powerful–and there’s literally nothing you can do about it or any resulting consequences.”

I sincerely hope that no one you know and love is raped, to spare you and they from the horror of what rape really is–it’s more than insurance, more than a policy, more than a law. It’s a violation of everything that you are and ever were. It’s a rape of your soul and your body, and afterwards, no one should be faced with a closed door and a shaking head.

And you can plan, DeGraaf, that The League of Funny Bitches will not let this bullshit stand. And you can plan that I’ll be asking them to send you spare tires by donating to Kansas NOW. Because each and every one of us has been affected by rape in some way, whether it’s happened to us, our sisters, our friends, and every other woman in the world.

No one deserves rape, and more than that, no one deserves to feel like the enemy at the hands of true evil.

It feels cheap to put a favorite comment from my last post here, so look for 2 favorite comments on Friday.
Meg May 25, 2011 at 2:24 am

I only wish that everyone that voted for him could read this. Would it be too much of me to say he’s probably one of those men that wouldn’t take no for an answer and then brag to his friends about it? Because that’s the impression I’m left with. I’m curious about his views on birth control. While we’re getting rid of abortions, let’s do away with mammograms, hell, do we women even need healthcare? This makes me sick in a way that’s hard to describe.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 8:57 pm

I agree. I really have a hard time even realizing that this man is not joking in any way, that he really really thinks he’s correct.

Shane May 25, 2011 at 3:07 am

Whole lotta crazy going on in politics. That being said, Noa, I don’t think it’s very American of you to criticize our leaders. They’re the ones we look up to. Besides, rape was in the Bible, just like war and murder, so that makes it OK.


When will this fucking shit go away? I really have nothing intelligent to say to this whole blather, because the stupidity and the arrogance just shocks me so much. This is what happens when people learn a version of morality that has nothing to do with any kind of ethical value system. It’s what happens when you have an electorate less concerned with real issues and true democratic debate than whether or not an elected official says the same thing all the time, in the same, bumpkin way, regardless of whether it’s true or not.

You don’t believe in abortion. Fine. That’s your right. You don’t believe in paying for abortion. Fine. Your right, too. It’s also my right to believe that religious organizations should have no tax write-offs, no nonprofit status, and absolutely no government funding!

Thing is, though? I’m not going around telling people that victims of horrible crimes shouldn’t get any medical support because they believe in God, which is akin to believing in Santa Claus, do I?

Jesus, and I’m not even really an atheist.

A moral nation is a country that pays trillions of dollars to go to war but won’t spend $100 in treatment for a rape victim.

I’m babbling, so I have to stop now, otherwise I’m going to start muttering some crazy fascist shit about work camps and deportation for stupid people.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:00 pm

I really enjoy hearing a man’s view on this, because I think a lot of men do get a bad rap for thinking rape is okay or mostly misunderstood and I can’t think that it’s actually the truth. Thank you for breaking down those negative stereotypes as well.

Kella May 25, 2011 at 3:30 am

I totally approve of the rage-y-ness of this post. Having been “date raped” and dealing with that at 17, I don’t think I’d have thought to get a spare tire at that point… DeGraaf is a chromosomally-impaired cuntbasket. /stabface
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:01 pm

I’m sorry you had to go through that. You’re tough as hell. And yes, he is in every way a cuntbasket.

hoodyhoo May 25, 2011 at 6:14 am

And you know how you know we’re better people than you will EVER be, “Pastor?” Because even now, even after you opened your mouth and let all your misogynistic, little-dick hatred spew out, WE WOULD NOT WISH IT ON YOU. Fuck off, douche. Beware the League.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Oh Hoody–where would I be without you? I enjoy your, “FUCK ALL Y’ALL,” attitude so much. Let’s whip his ass.

hoodyhoo May 26, 2011 at 6:21 am

agreed. Commencing pre-ass-whippin’ countdown. And I have actually SAID the phrase “Fuck all y’all” prior to storming out of a room, how did you know???
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MLE May 25, 2011 at 7:00 am

This article http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/2011/05/pete_degraaf_rape_flat_tire.php provides DeGraaf’s phone numbers and email address.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Yes! Thank you! In my rage I failed to include that. I appreciate it.

Lianne Marie Binks May 25, 2011 at 7:17 am

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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:03 pm

And Hallelujah.

String Bean Queen May 25, 2011 at 7:24 am

Sigh. I was raped 18 months ago, and I am about to take the stand to testify against EVIL. The lawyer of this evil will do their best to make me look like I wanted it.

This world is so fucked up.

But… Thank you for posting this, Noa, and reminding me that there are other people as outraged as I am about this topic.

wagthedad May 25, 2011 at 7:50 am

Respect to you String Bean for putting yourself out there and taking the stand. I know you know this, but I just wanted to say that this man is just as repulsed by all of these evil fuckers as women are. I just don’t have to have the fear involved. I cannot imagine. I really cannot imagine.

Take down that evil bastard!

String Bean Queen May 25, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I wish more males would speak up about this topic like you are doing.

Thank you.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm

You’re a fucking badass, and I hope you kick that guy’s ass on the stand. Thanks for standing up and speaking out where so many women are discouraged. I should be thanking you, my friend.

String Bean Queen June 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Thank you, Noa.

The matter has now been settled and the accused pleaded guilty to assault. No sex assault, but at least he has a criminal record and a whole bunch of restrictions placed on him, and can I just say that I am relieved that after more than 18 months, it’s FINALLY OVER! This is not to say that I don’t have a whole lot of healing and mending to do. My self-esteem has totally taken a blow, and I wonder if I will ever be myself again. Ever.

So, while I did not get exactly what I wanted by pressing charges (which would be to have him behind bars), I did make sure that he is held accountable for his actions. Yay me!

Noa June 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm


FUCK YES, SBQ! I AM SO CRAZY PROUD AND EXCITED FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. You stuck it to him, and considering most of the horror stories I hear, he got more justice served to him than most.


String Bean Queen June 14, 2011 at 9:58 am

Ahhh, thank you! I love conversing with intelligent, awesome women who know more about BEING a woman than putting on lipstick, or maxi-pads (sorry, but I just read your latest post about Kotex, and I am still chuckling to myself). I am so happy to know there are people like YOU out there, Noa, who can exercise true compassion, not just pity, and who are dispellers of myth about rape, rather than just perpetuators.

You rock!

Noa June 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Nope. But you rock!

Geoffrey May 25, 2011 at 7:46 am

DeGraaf’s comments are not just insensitive, obtuse, and morally bankrupt, but they perpetuate a rape-prone society as well. His comments don’t just try to excuse and diminish the traumatic effects of rape, but he really seems to just not care about rape victims at all. Also, it is concerning for the US as a whole to think that rape has become so common in this society that “the truth is there’s a lot of people who voted for DeGraaf who think he’s just telling it like it is”. What does that say about how typical rape is in the US? That people think you should “carry a spare tire” and be prepared for something that you (by definition) cannot be prepared for, because the incidence rate is so high.

I just finished my Criminal Justice degree, and I learned that rape victims are one of the few types of victims that are held so personally responsible for what happened to them. It does not matter what the woman is doing or how she is acting, she cannot be blamed for someone else’s decision to attack and rape her. Also, rape victims that go through the criminal justice system have a much higher chance of being psychologically traumatized than those that don’t deal with all the incessant questioning of the defense lawyers. The very system meant to help people and dispense justice often leads to more harm than good.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Thank you for this wonderful comment–you’re absolutely right that DeGraaf honestly thinks he’s just calling what he sees, and that he sees rape as not abnormal is horrifying. Women, and men, who are raped deal with lifelong repercussions from every step–the rape, the aftermath, and the legal system, and I thank you for bringing that to light as well.

bob simms May 25, 2011 at 7:47 am

As a middle-aged Christian man in a faraway country, I can only shake my head at the crazy extremism politics and relgion seem to engender in certain societies. Power to you and your outrage over such a disregard for humanity. I’m left in awe at your eloquent description of what rape really is. My sincere sympathies for victims of this hate crime and admiration for those like String Bean Queen who are prepared to stand up against it.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Thank you for this comment and for you support for those who are made to endure such ridiculous hatred. It does not go unnoticed.

Emma May 25, 2011 at 7:50 am

The attitude towards rape in this day and age is absolutely appalling, and people like DeGraaf really make me lose faith in humanity.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:07 pm

It’s hard to see the good in people when things like this are said. Not all are like this, but this guy’s the biggest douche.

lena May 25, 2011 at 8:10 am

It’s always sad when the people who we’ve trusted with our vote and hopes of a better society come out with such stupid and demented remarks, proving once and for all that they never really cared for our well being. As longs as their pockets are full and their necessities are covered, why should they? I sincerly hope that the pastor or any of his loved ones will NEVER go through the pain and horror of being sexually assaulted. Now it’s up to ALL of us to take stand against his judgment, and to take a stand for those who have been victimized.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Rape victims are having their voices silenced. It is up to those who still can speak to do so. Thank you for your comment–I really appreciate it.

Kate May 25, 2011 at 8:58 am

God, this hurts my heart to see how insensitive men can be. They will never realize how painful it can be to be a rape victim, and how no one can plan for the damage that lasts a lifetime. May karma come round and make him realize how life is not something you can plan for. Thanks for writing this.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Thank you for the comment. I have never seen Karma fail–he’ll get his.

Jenn May 25, 2011 at 9:04 am

This is my first comment here, and I’m coming out from lurking to say how absolutely angry this politician has just made me. I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman who would say such a thing, and yet a man can say crap like this and people just groan in protest? Obviously, far too many people agree with him, and think rape is no big deal, so we should insure ourselves against it, oh but by the way, I’m going to restrict your ability to do so unless you purchase this specific policy. I’m rambling now because I’m so mad. Thanks for posting this, Noa; I’ll forgive you for a brief pause in the funny.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Thank you for commenting. I have seen similar callousness with female predators preying on teenage boys. They are often forgotten, made to look like they wanted it as well, and it’s rape altogether, and it gets equally shitty press and attention. Now I’m rambling…I’ll get back to the funny soon, but thank you for your voice in speaking out. I appreciate it.

Kelly May 25, 2011 at 9:10 am

Ahhh, Kansas. The state that brought you the Westboro Baptist Church, this fuckstick pretending to be a pastor, and me.

Attitudes like this, beliefs like this (because that’s truly what they are) are the reason I entered the field of social work. As a survivor, I knew that the only way that I was going to make my experience into something positive was to attempt to empower others, because tell me what the fuck silver lining is in a rape. It’s not just a sexcapade you regret, it’s an acid that eats away part of who you were.

It will be 11 years in a couple of weeks, and I still smell the smells and hear the sounds and dream the dreams occasionally. I can’t sit in a public place without being in a corner where I can observe the entire room. I hate going to places alone. I feel bat shit crazy sometimes because of it. But I will be DAMNED if I let it control me, and if I won’t teach my daughter what is what.

Fuck you, DeGraff. You call yourself a man of God? Insurance won’t get your ignorant ass into heaven.
Kelly recently posted..Things I do when I should be doing other stuff

Casey May 25, 2011 at 10:28 am

‘It’s not just a sexcapade you regret, it’s an acid that eats away part of who you were.’

Truer words were never written. Thank you for sharing and the good work that you do. Your empowerment has been inspiring.


Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I feel bad for the good people that Kansas has to offer, because no one hears about them.

Kelly, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for demonstrating the devastating effects that these words truly have. It’s one thing to rage, it’s another to have to live with the reality of rape for an eternity. You’re tough, and we’re with you.

thepsychobabble May 25, 2011 at 9:19 am

so disturbing. Thank you for sharing.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:12 pm

It’s fucking horrible–and thanks for the comment.

Jaclyn May 25, 2011 at 9:25 am

There’s just such a tendency toward trying to subvert women in most organized religions. It isn’t just about rape. It’s about putting us in our place, somehow. About telling us we don’t matter and that we should just listen to our husbands and not have opinions about anything. Not even about our own bodies. This guy can suck my fucking dick.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I hate that the good people never seem to get good press. Good religious folk, good women and men, good kids–no one gets to see the good in people because these assholes drown them out. It’s infuriating, and he’ll only suck your dick if he has a policy for it. You know, because it’s something he should plan on.

Jaclyn May 26, 2011 at 7:54 am

It’s so true. All the crazy extremists make everyone else look insane.
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Noa May 26, 2011 at 2:51 pm

They do a number on us. Bastards.

Julia Andrus Williams May 25, 2011 at 9:32 am

Seriously, amen. It makes me so fucking mad when rape victims are treated like baby killing harlots. Speaking of… did you hear about the 13 year old girl that was gang raped – and the NYT article about it kept insinuating that she has a bad kid and that this rape was bound to happen eventually? It was sick.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:15 pm

I did hear about that actually, it make me sick to my stomach. That poor girl. No attention to the fact that a group of men and boys raped her until she could hardly function, but we did pay attention to the fact that she was wearing a short skirt. Ever notice how no one would tolerate a man grabbing my fucking boobs because I work a v-neck that day? Why is this okay?

The Young Girl May 25, 2011 at 9:40 am

I read an article about this on monday and it made me cry. I’ve been raped and I know several other women including my mother who have been raped. I thank all that is good in the world that I didn’t end up pregnant and made to make the decision to have an abortion or not. Rape is rape and it is horrible and vile. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. To bring it to the level of having a flat tire demeans women and makes the act of rape seem ok and normal. It hurts my soul to think that women are made to think that being raped is something that is bound to happen to them so they should pay extra insurance for it. Thank you Noa for posting this.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:16 pm

I’m sorry you have had to deal with that trauma, as well as the women so close to you. Rape is the worst thing I can imagine, and to be told that not only have you been violated, but that there’s no care for you afterwards is horrifying, and no one should have to go through that. You’re tough, you made it on the other side, and I hope you know that you do not stand alone.

Johi May 25, 2011 at 9:50 am

I can’t even see straight. Good Lord, such ignorance truly frightens me. This is our government, people.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Goes to show you how little some people think, and how powerful they can be.

Lex May 25, 2011 at 10:20 am

A flat tire? Seriously?!?!

I can’t even begin to wrap my head around that son of a bitch’s deluded thinking. Fuck him, and fuck anyone who would dare to think that something as horrible as rape is just some kind of momentary inconvenience for its victims.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:18 pm

The horrible part is that he absolutely sees nothing wrong with this at all. Not a thing. You should prepare for it, because at some point in your life, you will be raped, and he’ll be pretty much okay with it as long as your insurance won’t allow you access to help.

Casey May 25, 2011 at 10:25 am

There really are no words…

But if there were: This situation makes me physically ill. Having been a repeat victim (now, survivor), known several other survivors, being a woman, I am completely sickened by this douchefag’s almost whimsical attempt to even insinuate that the idea of rape “preparedness” is related to that of having a spare tire. Noa, I am a brand new reader of yours and have loved every word…this is no exception. You have managed to describe the damage done by rape quite accurately, in my opinion. I thank you for that.

Noa for State Rep, 2011!!

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:20 pm

I thank YOU, Casey. Your words help other women realize that none of us are alone in this–that we don’t have to take this kind of bullshit.

Also, I consider rape preparedness being, “I WILL DO ANYTHING I CAN TO FUCKING KILL YOU IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT,” instead of worrying about the preparedness of the aftermath of rape. Fuck that guy.

Cheryl May 25, 2011 at 10:51 am

I’m an insurance agent, and I’m wondering: how would you underwrite for a rape policy? Length of insured’s skirt multiplied by the number of drinks she has in a week? Does prior sexual experience factor or, or would you rate higher for virgins? Seriously, this guy is a complete idiot.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:21 pm

That brings in a whole new dimension of fucked up to this conversation. To see it written in these terms and realize that he’s absolutely thinking this way is horrifying. Thank you for your comment.

Cassie May 25, 2011 at 11:17 am

So my blog is just a week old baby and I’m pretty sure only about 6 people read it, but I am totally reposting this on facebook so more people can donate. This is like the senator in TN who tried to pass a law where no one could discuss homosexuality in public schools. I’m donating one of the “It Gets Better” books in his honor. How these fucktards get elected is truly beyond me.

Thanks for posting about this! As a friend of a rape victim I am wishing this man nothing less than a swift kick in the nuts from a steel-toed boot.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Thank you for your comment, and your want to help others and raise awareness of this dickbag. And that TN law was passed–the horror knows no bounds. I hope your friend knows that she does not stand alone.

Cassie May 26, 2011 at 10:05 am

Luckily the “Don’t Say Gay Bill” only passed in the Senate and not the House. They changed the language so that homosexuality just can’t be “included in the curriculum,” and it’ll be taken up again next year. Honestly, some homophobes just don’t know when to quit.

Noa May 26, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Ah, thank goodness it’s not all the way though yet. They’re being persistent in being doucebags.

Tova May 25, 2011 at 11:34 am

This is the kind of thing that makes me want to hire someone to chop off his arm while yelling plan for THAT motherfucker. And I’m not even kidding.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Then, make him buy a separate “prosthetics only,” policy OH WAIT THEY HAVE THOSE TOO. Goddamn this guy is a douche. Is insurance designed to not fucking do anything for anyone? Or politicians? Thank you for your comment and support.

Megan P May 25, 2011 at 11:38 am

Personally my anger and shock have turned my thinking into ways to get peoples feelings and thoughts from out of the web and into the hands of these ignorant son of a guns. How can people still not hear the cries of victims and those who care for them when clearly they are being heard elsewhere? I may have hope still for humanity and that is my downfall but my goodness… when did people stop actually taking heart for victims like Casey, The Young Girl, Kelly and String Bean and instead compare them to inanimate objects?

These women who have survived such an atrocious act need to be applauded and thanked and given awards. They have overcome terrors that people cannot even begin to comprehend and they also put the bastards away in court… They get up on that stand and tell those pricks that they are not going to be a victim to them any longer that once was enough… No man or woman who has not been in that place can say anything about the “need to plan ahead, don’t we, in life?” Erg!

I do not enjoy politics and try not to talk it but when it comes to my health and the care of those women I know (personally,virtually or acquaintance) I feel like I need to take a stand but have no thoughts as to where to begin… If this is how then so be it. Men in politics are ignorant, selfish,vial,terminally disillusioned pricks who have no soul or heart. I pity the people who listen to these men and actually buy what they are saying.

Thank you Noa for your voice because I heard it loud and clear!

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:26 pm

They don’t hear it because they don’t want to–just like if you don’t say gay it means it doesn’t exist. It’s the most juvenile response to victimization that I have ever seen, but here we are.

I hate to see these women played to be perpetrators when they face nothing but uphill battles when they are VIOLATED. The fact that some people find this concept hard to grasp defies logic. Thank you for your comment and your word–you’ll never know the impact they have.

Keith May 25, 2011 at 11:48 am

Long ago, I watched “The Accused” and have been haunted by the rape scene since. And yet I cannot fathom what it must be like to actually go through such a traumatic ordeal.

This is a man who needs… honestly, I don’t know what he needs. Maybe a beating. Maybe he’s had too many beatings, and it screwed up his brain. I don’t know.

But I do know that he should never be allowed near a microphone again.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:29 pm

I whole heartedly agree. Thank you for your comment.

Rachael May 25, 2011 at 12:38 pm

It’s been almost two years. And the number of sites I’ve found that list his home phone number make me want to call him and sob to HIM next time I’m having a flashback that makes me feel borderline suicidal. Let him hear all the hurt and confusion and pain in my soul. How could I have been prepared? He was my friend and roommate. He was the man I walked with down the streets in the sketchy neighborhood after work to get to the subway. How the FUCK could I have prepared for one of the few people I trusted to drug me and rape me over and fucking over? HOW? And could someone REALLY tell me that I should have kept the theoretical baby that could have happened had I not been obsessive about my birth control?

I was on birth control. That’s the only way I was prepared. I try really hard to see the other point of view in anything political and this is the only thing I can figure out, but I can’t imagine he’s also passing a bill that says “Free IUDs for everyone!” That would prepare us to not need the abortion, I guess, but an IUD to prevent rape pregnancies DOES NOT EQUAL a spare tire in your car. Unless someone shoots out one of your tires and drags you out of your car and rapes you and that spare tire is the only way you can get back home.

String Bean Queen May 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Fuck, I feel like I was right there with you based on your description of that horrible event. I am sorry that you too have gone through this. My attacker was somebody I knew as well, had known since elementary school, thought was a friend. Obviously not a friend. Fuck. How do you make sense of something like this?

Rachael May 25, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I don’t think it’s possible to make sense of something like this beyond understanding that there are psychological disorders out there. I don’t think my attacker realized he was, in fact, an attacker. I don’t think he ever understood that I didn’t want what he was doing to me. I don’t know. The most I can do is try to accept that there isn’t always sense to be made of a situation.

I’m sorry you had to go through something like this, too. Sometimes I swear every woman has, in one form or another. And I wish people understood how common it is that it’s someone you know, someone you’re with at the time on purpose, that knowing how to stab someone with your keys or walking with a man or whatever won’t protect you from MOST of the attacks that happen.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Thank you so so much for sharing your story. I cannot tell you thank you enough. I am sorry you had to deal with this, and you are very strong to be able to speak. Many women never can, and live with the silence forever.

You’re right in that some things never make sense because of the absolute callousness of the situation. There is true evil in the world, and it makes me sick every time someone has to be on the receiving end of it. I do hope you find peace one day, and I do hope you know you do not stand alone.

Rachael May 26, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Thank you. I’m glad I have strong people to remind me that I’m not alone. Also, stupid people make me word-vomit.
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Noa May 26, 2011 at 10:25 pm

As they should, Rachael, as they should.

Handflapper May 25, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I have never heard anything so misogynistic in my life. Geez louise, what the hell did his mother do to him? This goes beyond ignorance, fucked up beliefs, what have you. The man is just evil.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Yes, yes he is. It’s hard to wrap your brain around the shittiness of this.

Lindsay May 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm


I have an idea: find an HIV/AIDS positive male, have him rape Rep DeGraaf (with no protection), and then tell him that his insurance company won’t pay for his treatment. While pregnancy via rape and AIDS are not the same thing, the lasting effects would be extremely similar. The victims life will never be the same.

I don’t even want to hear the “give the baby up for adoption argument,” because that’s bullshit. If you were adopted by a loving family, were desperate to at least know your birth parents, wouldn’t you be absolutely devastated to find out that your mother can’t bring herself to meet you because you were the product of a violent and heinous crime? There are some pretty lasting effects there, and not just on the victim. Fuck this guy.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:35 pm

That’s the closest thing to what he’s suggesting, I’m afraid. How sad.

He’s thinking of himself and his own comfort level, and not those of others.

Andi May 25, 2011 at 3:39 pm

I am a survivor also, and there aren’t enough words for the fuckery inherent in this whole scenario. The only thing that consoles me is that this really isn’t a concept that’s enforceable. We’d end up having insurance companies dicking us over for every kind of accident insurance — “Well, you live near the ocean so no shark bite insurance for you. That’s to be expected. However, we’ll be happy to sell you insurance for being gored by a bull!”

WHAT THE…..I’m leaving the country and I’m starting a new one on an island someplace. Who’s with me?
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:36 pm

First off, I’m sorry you had to deal with the horror of rape, and secondly, I’m totally in.

elizabeth- flourish in progress May 25, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I usually swear. A lot.

Right now, any combination of swear words I could possibly come up with would just…not be enough.


okay, and also, I’m just going to go ahead and throw in a FUCK YOU, DEGRAAF.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:37 pm

It’s hard to put into words the sheer rage. You did it well, though.

Teala May 25, 2011 at 4:56 pm

All I can say: Wow. Rape is not something women should have to plan for. That’s bullshit.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Yes it is complete bullshit. But, he’ll probably still get that shit passed, and more like it.

Jean May 25, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Seriously, the world is full of stupid people, and most of them are in elected positions. My state (TN) just passed a law making it illegal to use the word ‘gay’ in schools. Seriously. On the plus side, Pee Wee Herman’s sister is a lawyer here in Nashville (fun fact!) and also a lesbian and I will bet she and the ACLU will be all over this. One can only hope that Kansas does not exist to make Tennessee look good.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:39 pm

I LOVE George Takei’s take on that TN law, “Don’t say gay, say it’s okay to be Takei!” Doesn’t matter what you label it, these things are what they are. That’s like saying, “oh, we don’t call it October, we call it Fuckwalla.” Well, it’s still October. Good luck to Pee Wee Herman’s sister!

Chunky Mama May 25, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Well said, sister.
I am posting this on my personal and blog FB page because it needs to be shared.
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Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Thank you thank you thank you!

Maria May 25, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Well said!!! His comments pretty much sent women back to the 1950’s and even before that, basically where we’re just walking around ASKING to be raped.

I live in North Carolina so I don’t hear much about Kansas politics. To be honest, that’s probably a good thing, because if I had anything to do with Kansas, this guy might wake up one day to find his “spare tire” shoved halfway up his ass. However, NC is part of the south, which upholds it’s horrible reputation of being part of the “good ole boy’s club”, where this kind of comment wouldn’t raise too many eyebrows. I work in sales, and it’s not out of the ordinary for me to hear “well, you’ve been looking cute lately, so we’ll buy an ad from you”. (True story.) It’s extremely sad that women are still seen as items, pieces of meat and possessions.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:42 pm

I mean, when you have boobs and a certain set of chromosomes, aren’t you just begging to be raped? That’s fucking baffling. On a lot of levels.

Yeah, living in Texas, I can also attest that not all Southern Politics are forwarding the cause of humanity. Texas was, for a long long time, banning anal sex–which is really fucking weird.

Also, I have been on the receiving end of, “you’re looking cute,” in sales and I share your rage. Thank you for your comment.

Jenny Lou Who May 25, 2011 at 9:43 pm

AMEN Sistah. When I heard this it made me want to punch him in his baby maker. Oh, he doesn’t have one? I’m sure I can punch him somewhere appropriately painful.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:43 pm

I can think of a few places. Repeatedly.

Dave May 25, 2011 at 10:31 pm

This thing (I won’t demean my gender by calling him a man) is a complete and total fucktard. It’s like that word was made specially for him.

The only thing I regret is that, instead of sending him any kind of tire, I’d rather donate to a cause that would put flaming bags of shit on his porch for the rest of his life.

Noa May 25, 2011 at 10:44 pm

I really like that the men are weighing in on this as well, because this man has done a hell of a job worsening the view of men. We’d all appreciate your flaming bag of shit delivery. I can point to you a service that will let you create your own, “____ of the month club,” and I bet you could convince them that it’s okay under the circumstances.

Siren May 25, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Yikes. And in addition to all the smart stuff others have said here, the metaphorical subtext is totally bizarre. A rape victim is a punctured (penetrated) tire? What does that make the woman no one has raped? And what do you do with a punctured tire? You throw it away and replace it with your spare, intact, unsullied tire.

Oh and where do bald tires fit in? Would that be, say, prostitutes? Sluts? Or maybe just wives with a lot of mileage? Okay, forgive me for taking the metaphor too far, but WHAT ABOUT RETREADED TIRES?

Seriously, I’ll never be able to watch another Bridgestone commercial in quite the same way ever again.

Noa May 26, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Wow. You just blew my mind there. Thank you.

Melissa May 26, 2011 at 8:50 am

As fucked up as this guy is, these comments are outstanding. I feel so much for those who have suffered; and so proud of them, and everyone else, for having a strong voice against such a dicked up mentality.

Noa May 26, 2011 at 2:53 pm

They’ve been incredible in their want to share their experiences–I’m glad you can see how outstanding they have been too!

Emily May 26, 2011 at 2:34 pm

This is so disgusting I can barely stand myself. Thank you for such a fabulous rebuttal to political stupidity. This further proves that in the United States, women are second class citizens.
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Noa May 26, 2011 at 2:54 pm

It’s horrible. Unless you’re an upperclass white male, you’re mostly forgotten and legislated against. Fucktards.

Norway June 7, 2011 at 5:41 pm

No, you forget. It’s upperclassman white HETEROSEXUAL males, or anyone who owns an oil company.

Noa June 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Ah, the oil company owner. Worked for one once. Could see him saying this.

Jo May 27, 2011 at 1:08 am

My best friend was raped and became pregnant while her husband was deployed overseas , she made the hardest decision of her life and had an abortion. I have held her, cried with her, railed against the world with her and even then I have no idea of the sheer hell she went through so for some fuck wit to come out and say plan ahead…. well fuck him and the horse he rode in on. If that’s his idea of christian values he can have it. God this makes me angry. On the upside my fellow commentators are awesome and it lightens my heart to see it.

Noa May 27, 2011 at 5:13 pm

The commenters are awesome, and so are you for being an amazing friend as she dealt with something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I hope she finds her peace. And yes, that guy is a complete fuckwit.

Terry May 27, 2011 at 10:18 am

What really burns me is if they could somehow bring such a policy into effect, how long before a defense lawyer turns that against the victim? Well, if she planned for a rape, she was obviously expecting it, therefore asking for it. Why is it so hard a concept to grasp that rape is not a momentary inconvenience?

Noa May 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm

WOW! Something I had not thought of–that does put a new terrible spin on it. Thanks for your comment!

Sarah M. May 28, 2011 at 4:34 am

I have read and re-read this post a couple ti,es now. Gotta love how the moron uses spare tires and life insurance to make a point, huh? Only problem? Tires are made of rubber and will obviously wear out and everyone dies. Too bad the guy is a fukin idiot.

Noa May 30, 2011 at 12:18 am

It is too bad that he’s a blazing idiot and that the karma WILL come back to bite him. Hard.

Tristan May 29, 2011 at 6:44 pm

I completely randomly stumbled upon this blog, and this post. I had no idea any of this happened, so this story was completely new to me, and brought me to tears. I was then again brought to tears at all of the supportive, equally angry posts I have read.
I was recently raped and tossed aside by someone I thought had cared about me, gotten pregnant, and quickly after had a miscarriage. This whole situation is new and raw and painful, and the pain will probably always be there, but it means more than words can express to read all of these comments.

Noa May 30, 2011 at 12:16 am

I’m glad a random occurrence can provide some strength for you in the wake of an awful disaster. You do not stand alone, my friend. Thank you for commenting here.

Titi May 30, 2011 at 3:18 pm

So, been reading your blog for a while, but this is my first comment.
We’ve recently had a debate over here about what women can do to prevent (well.. lessen the risk of..) being raped, and so far it’s been the old ‘don’t wear skimpy clothing, don’t go shoutin’ that you’re sexually active and whatever’.. What pissed me off though, were the comments from some men saying they could relate to the rapist, because they never know when a no from a woman actually means NO..


If I want to go out wearing nothnig but my panties, I will! It’s my fuckin’ right! It does NOT give ANYONE the right to do what he pleases with me! JEEZ!
I’m soooo glad there are, as the comments here prove, men out there who will not support the likes of this fucker. Thank you!

And to all of the survivors, I have no idea what you’ve been through, I hope I’ll never know, and I love you all for standing up and bringing attention to all victims of such a disgusting crime. I’m truly touched by your stories. Stay strong!

Noa May 31, 2011 at 1:50 pm

You desperately need to read this. It will make you laugh out loud and suddenly sad at the same time. And yes, it’s so good to see the men speaking out as well as the survivors–this post proved so powerful!

Angie May 31, 2011 at 9:02 am

I applaud you and hope that anyone with the ability to print and mail sends that to DeGraaf’s office… along with a spare tire.
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Noa May 31, 2011 at 1:35 pm

HOORAY!!! Let’s do it, bitches.

Cherie June 1, 2011 at 1:12 pm

In the process of creating a blog and adding The Bloggess to my list of blogs to read, I found this through her. How on earth does a sad excuse for a human being happen to be a pastor? Separation of church and state failed on an epic scale here. And as far as planning is concerned, the only thing I am planning for is to rip the fucking throat out of any man who is stupid enough and evil enough to think that such a crime will be allowed to go unpunished. My thoughts and prayers (and desires for homicidal vegeance) are with all the people who have suffered through such a terrifying ordeal. You all are the proof that we are not weak or people to be controlled.

And seriously, if anyone ACTUALLY believes this man’s point of view (which I am pretty sure no one here does) they should be slapped repeatedly until silent. Such ignorance and apathy is outrageous and sickening. I don’t even know how else to describe it. Every male I know would probably beat the ever-loving shit out of this spineless old sod. I would like to see him say this to a group of people who have been through this, because I’m certain it would be a blood-bath. Thank you, Noa, for posting this.

Noa June 1, 2011 at 3:54 pm

I’m glad you found my blog! I hope you enjoy it. I agree with you that this was a terrible representation of the separation of church and state and I feel for the women who may be in this type of danger in his congregation. I only hope people know they have options and do not have to listen to this man.

Gail June 3, 2011 at 8:19 am

I’m a new reader of your blog. I read about this law a week ago and have been sickened ever since that people actually voted for this joker. And, will likely vote for him again. Really?

Noa June 6, 2011 at 1:01 am

Unfortunately, you’re probably right.

The Young Girl June 8, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Here is a Venn Diagram showing why it doesn’t make sense to compare rape to a flat tire. Everybody loves diagrams! http://front.moveon.org/rape-vs-a-flat-tire-explained-in-one-venn-diagram/?rc=fb.fan
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Noa July 28, 2011 at 6:06 pm


Lab Rockstar July 27, 2011 at 8:09 am

This is a great post, Noa. Thanks for speaking up!
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Noa July 28, 2011 at 6:06 pm


Ashley Z December 13, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Jesus. H. Christ. I did not hear about this when it happened. But when I read this article while reading through your archives….all I could think of is “this is why they wouldn’t let the title ‘Men Who Hate Women’ fly in America.” That was original (and every other translated language) title for “Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.” All I could think of was the few scenes in the book related to rape (I don’t want to spoil it for anyone). But it’s just so fucking appalling a man who cares about souls and heaven and other some such nonsense can think of that. God damn. Heavy thoughts. I wonder how many tires that fucker received.

Noa December 19, 2011 at 12:47 am

Because Men don’t hate women, silly girl, rapists only seek to keep the world right by dominating with penises.

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