Funny ______ Friday: Wag the Dad *Updated Before you Woke Up*

05/05/2011 · 24 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

Okay, here’s the thing.

Shane from Wag The Dad is hands down funny. It is what it is.

Here. I’ll show you.

Thoughts while Hungover (Which has spawned a new catchphrase, “Fuck a Pumpkin.”)

Places to Hide Alcohol

Hating Austria

Babyproofing for Lazy Parents

Deceiving your Kids is Okay (which is awesome for me, considering this post)

He has a penis, too.

While that doesn’t inherently affect his writing ability (in the same way that tits do not affect my ability to be funny), it does cause a problem in that I wish to put him into the League of Funny Bitches.

Two things about that last paragraph, I have inadvertently said that Shane has a small penis, and honestly, I don’t know anything about his penis other than he has one, and I cannot call him a bitch because he is not one.

I tried, “The League of Funny Bitches, now with Dicks,” but then I have called him an asshole. I asked this question on Twitter recently, and I got a few responses.

There’s, “The League of Funny Men,” (thanks, @Olsen_RM!) but I always say that in a Sean Connery Accent, and to be honest, there’s enough men in this world who think they are the only ones who can be funny and the League was my way to disprove that.

There’s “The League of Funny Studs,” (thanks, @MelissaLopata!), because a Stud is opposite a Bitch, but I feel like I’m then perpetuating the, “Men are funnier than women, who are not funny at all,” stereotype.

So I need some help, y’all.

What should the Men’s Division of The League be called? Any and all recommendations are welcome! You can hit me up on Facebook, Twitter, or below in the comments and let me know what it should be called.

Shane will be happy when we choose a new name. Then I’ll stop unknowingly insulting him.


I would like to thank The Lovely Jazmin, the first commenter, who called bullshit and said it like it is. “Everyone is a bitch. Only some bitches are funny. Don’t segregate because of genitals, segregate due to hilarity.” Y’all, she’s absolutely right.

I apologize that I have set you up for a lively debate about what we should call the new division of the League. I’m sure you can appreciate her bluntness. And the fact that she’s right.

The League of Funny Bitches Stands.

thelovelyjazmin May 6, 2011 at 1:30 am

Everyone is a bitch. Only some bitches are funny. Don’t segregate because of genitals, segregate due to hilarity.

Noa May 6, 2011 at 2:37 am

You’re absolutely right. Thank you, very very much, for calling it like you see it. The League of Funny Bitches stands.

Shane May 6, 2011 at 1:39 am

Oh, Noa. Thanks for putting all that nice stuff up there about me. I also like how you tied in the ‘I’m going to say nice things about wagthedad because I inadvertantly mentioned that he has a small penis but then to balance out the nice I’m going to say it AGAIN for good measure.’
I had missed that comment, but now I definitely see it.

You of course have not seem my penis, but I have to say that I have never really thought about whether my endowment is adequate or not. OK, that’s a lie.
Now I am of course expected by some to say that it is HUGE, that it is more than HUGE, that it is astronomical and if you saw a photo of me naked you would need a big fold-down extra sheet of photo paper to encompass all that is me.
But of course I’m not about to say that, because I don’t need to. Heh heh.

A few things:
“Men are funnier than women, who are not funny at all,” stereotype.
I never really thought that myself, having known enough funny bitches in my lifetime, but after going through a lot of my mommy blogs (not in the League of Funny Bitches), I kept wondering to myself ‘Where are all the funny bitches?’ and luckily enough, I found them.

I also don’t like any of the male versions of ‘Funny Bitches’ listed above-the names, not the actual organizations; I haven’t had time to check them out-but I think the main problem with the whole male funny bitches thing is that men tend to be loners. At least in doing the whole fatherhood game. We’re less apt to put together a daddy group on the playground.
So we’ll just have to use the “bitches with dicks” working title until someone comes up with a better one.
ps I thought about enclosing a photo of my penis so that you could have your readers vote, but I don’t see any way to do that here. maybe you should think about it. also because I’m afraid of the answers.
have a funny_________friday!

Noa May 6, 2011 at 2:36 am

On second reading (because editing is for pussies), I have actually mentioned that your penis is rather large because if it were small it would in no way hinder your writing abilities, but if it were large, it might. If you wrote nude with your schlong all slammed across home row.

I’m going to call it good at the Lovely Jazmin’s response–I should only segregate due to funny, never to gender. I further stereotype if I segregate you, and I don’t want that.

Welcome to The League of Funny Bitches, you goddamn pioneer you.

Noa May 6, 2011 at 2:40 am

You know, after I was all smart-assy about having said you have a large penis, I read it again, and yeah, I totally did insinuate that you had a small penis. I’m sure your wife and doctors would all disagree.

Shane May 6, 2011 at 2:46 am

All is good, Noa. I will defer to my wife to comment about my penis.
Next question:
Does The League have T-Shirts?
Dammit now I have to go to work.

Shane May 6, 2011 at 3:42 am

And Thanks to The Lovely Jazmin!

hoodyhoo May 6, 2011 at 6:16 am

The Lovely Jazmin is absolutely right, bitchery has nothing to do with gender. And if a male member of the League objects to being called a Funny Bitch, then he can become a charter member of the League of Dicks. Not Funny Dicks, just regular.
hoodyhoo recently posted..Grammar Notes

Noa May 9, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Ah, the League of Dicks. So many names already come to mind…

Kelly May 6, 2011 at 8:19 am

Gawdam, the bar has been set high. As my current blog is not even close to funny (eh, because my mom reads it and is not even remotely close to being as cool as HH’s mom), I’ll never get into the League this way. I guess I can dream that someday there will be a “Subleague of Commentors that make Bloggers want to pee” or something like that.

Or, I could pull the stick out of my ass. Either way.
Kelly recently posted..Insomnia- youre a dirty whore

Noa May 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

No one’s mom is as cool as Hoody’s mom. It’s a good thing that’s not a requirement though, or I wouldn’t even be in it.

Jaclyn May 6, 2011 at 10:03 am

Der. Obviously you would call it the PEN 15 Club.
Jaclyn recently posted..Birthday

Noa May 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

You just brought be abruptly back to Jr high with me giggling and writing that on my hand…oh the good ol’ days when I wore wranglers and hairsprayed ponytails and penises on my hand.

Kaye May 6, 2011 at 10:33 am

Ok, I take back my input on Twitter and now will say “Funny Fucker Friday!”

Noa May 9, 2011 at 4:51 pm

AH…Funny Fucker Friday…your suggestions keep getting better and better.

thelovelyjazmin May 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Oh yeah! I’m a mover and a shaker.

“Funny Fucker Friday” makes me laugh when I say it aloud.
thelovelyjazmin recently posted..via lacepetals- beautyandtruth

Noa May 9, 2011 at 4:51 pm

You win at LOFB. HOORAY!

Andi May 6, 2011 at 9:03 pm

I’m no longer worried about what to call Funny Friday. However, I now have penis anxiety. So thanks for that.
Andi recently posted..Tonic for a tough week – Revival

Noa May 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Eh, we all do. Welcome!

elizabeth- flourish in progress May 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Wag the Dad is some funny shit. Good choice for the first male funny fucker/funny bitch/ funny asshole.
elizabeth- flourish in progress recently posted..Monday Dare- this is why we cant have nice things

Noa May 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Sho’nuff, my friend. He’s a lovely addition.

Justa Notha May 16, 2011 at 7:26 am

Just thought you should know that the word Stud has a completely different meaning for lesbians: so the league of funny studs would be a league of really butch women–and your friend still wouldn’t be elligable to join. You know, cause of the whole penis thing…
Justa Notha recently posted..First Post

Noa May 16, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Now I’m torn. I did not know this, but it certainly adds a new fun air to the discussion.

Gabby May 17, 2011 at 9:44 pm

It could always be “League of Funny Bitches, Some of Which Have a Penis” or “League of Funny Bitches And Also a Guy Named Shane” but both of those seem sort of long and the second one only works until there is another dude thrown in the mix.

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