Did you know North Korea has a damn website?
In the wake of me getting absolutely nothing done yesterday, I ran across a lot of crap and memes and videos and assorted other bullshit on the internet. I laughed all day, but nothing stunned me so as when I came across this gem.
It reads like a angsty 13-year-old’s internet manifesto, but instead of a whiny tween, it’s a fucking dictator running a country and people’s lives. The more time I spent, the more horrified I became.
Join me in a photographic journey, won’t you? (Or don’t. By the time you read this, I will probably be detained. Also, my comments are in purple.)
1. The Forum: Not really a forum, actually, as it’s pretty much just whatever the DPRK wants to say, and you can’t comment or do anything forum related because FUCK YOU.
2. Membership into the Korean Friendship Association: Not only is this a horrifying club to belong to, they ABSOLUTELY WANT A WAY TO FUCKING FIND YOU. This isn’t a Burger King Kid’s Club, folks. OH MY GOD.
3. Traveling to North Korea: I might actually want to do this. To see the horror from the inside, to gain some perspective on other parts of the world.
Well, then I’ll just scroll down for details…OH THIS IS WHY I DON’T WANT TO GO. Americans must go on a special delegation, from which I can only assume you’ll never come home.
4. Business in DPRK: The “benefits” of doing business in North Korea are so handily listed out here, which reads like a CEO trying to cover up a sex-with-elephantine-hookers-while-punching-toddlers scandal. Nothing to see here, folks–all that horror is really just added value. What. The. Fuck.
5. The Store: I’m so exhausted in my own terror at this point. I was kind of hoping for a laugh, but this has turned into a hate-fueled rampage through a shitty website. And then, I clicked on the store. Everything instantly got much more hilarious.
They run off of CafePress (Jesus Christ on a Bicycle), and label their products rather appropriately.
North Korea also promotes delightful housewares…
And Douchery, at it’s very core.
I made myself so incredibly sad by poring through this site. I suddenly realize how fortunate I am to be able to disparage this so. Freedom is easily taken for granted. I decided to cheer myself up. Perhaps you could use some cheer, too?
Well, here’s 3 tiny Paula Deens riding Kim Jong-Il.
If you want to see the horror for yourself, just google North Korea–I won’t include the link here. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.