It’s a Wonder I’m Still Married

02/09/2011 · 16 comments

in Adrian, I'm A Terrible Person, Love

Adrian is a man of few worries.

He doesn’t spend all day thinking about what could happen if he crashes in a car accident, or how cold it is in my laundry room, or why I’m laying in the hallway in the throes of death.

He could care less about missing a flight, or being late arriving somewhere, or what other people think of him.

His lack of worry combined with my absolute hatred for unassigned seating made me leave him at a New Jersey Train Station.

It started out fine–we were heading back to Newark after a lovely weekend spent in NYC. He’d been several times during his time in college for Architecture, and I’d only been once as a 4th grader. We spent the weekend with him touring me around, seeing shows, and eating an unhealthy amount of pizza.

We arrive at the train station, and grab a ticket from the kiosk–and there’s no seating assignments. Or–time of departure.

Me: “So, I notice there’s no time on the ticket.”
Ticket Agent: “Yeah, you just gotta get on the train when it gets here and hope you get a seat.”

And that’s when I begin to panic.

Me: “We’re going to miss our flight.”
Adrian: “That’s okay.”
Me: “No it’s not.”
Adrian: “Why is that not okay? It’s not the only flight leaving Newark this year.”
Me: “We’re not missing that flight.”
Adrian: “You’re being ridiculous.”
Me: “Your face is ridiculous.”

It’s bad enough that I know I’m going to have to battle someone for seating, and that we’re in Jersey. But now–now there’s a chance that I might not even make it onto a train that I have purchased a ticket for. I take it as a personal challenge. I’m getting on the next train, and I’m getting a kick-ass seat, come Hell or high water.

Adrian is totally and completely unconcerned–he’s wandering around the station, looking at all the architectural details. He couldn’t possibly care less that I’m about to tear a motherfucker up to get on a train today.

I plant myself as close to the platform as they’ll let me be. I’m not the only one. Approximately 400 people had the same plan as I did. Everyone but Adrian. As soon as the train arrives, it’s a zombie-escape-route rush to the cars. I am not shy in using my elbows in children’s eye sockets to climb over their pregnant mothers in the search for a seat. I may have even bitten someone. That was a bad call. It’s New Jersey. I might have the plague now.

It is only when I get to my seat–the only one on the train that don’t require me to maintain eye contact with a total stranger for the entire trip–do I realize that I have left Adrian on the platform to fend for himself. And my bag with him.

I had neglected, in my panic, to remember that Adrian was being quite the gentleman and had taken my very, very heavy bag from me to lug it around as he was wandering aimlessly, carefree.  Mother. Fucker.

“JESUS CHRIST, NOA. THANKS FOR FUCKING WAITING FOR ME. IT’S COOL, I’LL CARRY YOUR HEAVY-ASS BAG THROUGH THE CROWD FOR YOU.”

Oh good. He found me.

Adrian: “YOU COULDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO SAY THAT YOU WERE GOING ON AHEAD?”
Me: “You found me. I saved you a seat.”
Adrian: “NO YOU DID NOT. YOU JUST NOW REALIZED YOU LEFT ME.”
Me: “I love you.”
Adrian: “I HAD TO CARRY YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BAG WHILE YOU RAN.”
Me: “It’s okay. You’re here now.”
Adrian: “YOU LEFT ME. IN NEW JERSEY.”

If you’re wondering, we made it home just fine. He’s never let me forget this story, and I still use it to highlight the improvements that he needs to make before the apocalypse comes, because if I’ll leave him in Jersey, I’ll leave him anywhere.

I love you, Adrian. Thanks for putting up with me.

elizabeth- flourish in progress February 9, 2011 at 1:35 pm

A Valentine’s Story for the ages. That Adrian, he sure is one lucky dude.

Look, if you lose Adrian again, I’m available. Call me. I mean, not totally available since I’m married but let’s work through it.

Noa February 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

He truly is lucky, but if he keeps being slow, I’m moving to LA.

KatieTheBlogLady February 9, 2011 at 6:11 pm

My husband feels your husband’s pain. I’m certain of it.

And, you’re lucky you got of there before some New Joiseyan tried to “smoosh” you! Or you turned orange.

Noa February 9, 2011 at 6:42 pm

They were not nice people–those Jerseyans trying to get on the same train. It was terrifying.

chicsinger simone February 9, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Do you think the plague is why your brain is so twisty?

Noa February 10, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Yes. Yes I do.

hoodyhoo February 10, 2011 at 6:21 am

Adrian and Chuckweasel can start a Partners of Crazy Bitches support group. This sounds EXACTLY like something I would have done, except I would have also been drinking since very early in the morning to avoid my pre-flight panic attack!

Noa February 10, 2011 at 9:04 pm

I only got to drink in the airport. But, I made up for it by getting shithoused.

Citygurl February 10, 2011 at 7:04 pm

I’ve been on that train and you could forget your own mother with all the panicky, freaked out New Yorkers making you feel like it is the last train OF ALL TIME.
p.s. next time you’re in nyc, call me, we’ll do lunch- my husband does architectural shit and I’m crazy too. So much in common

Noa February 10, 2011 at 9:03 pm

THANK YOU. I’m not the only one who knows how terrible that train is.

I’ll only come to NYC again if Adrian will let us land IN New York–never again in Newark.

Jaclyn February 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Haha… I live in NJ and commute to NYC every day for work, so I found this story pretty hilarious. For the record, you don’t miss the train if you don’t get a seat. You stand up and try not to fall into a stranger’s lap when you hit train turbulence.
Jaclyn recently posted..PMS Horoscopes

Noa February 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm

The lap-falling risk was not a risk I was willing to make. You must be made of titanium to make that train trip everyday.

Jaclyn February 24, 2011 at 2:54 pm

haha… you sort of get used to it after a while. Yesterday a crazy man in the subway pushed another guy to the floor for bumping into him. You learn very early on not to make eye contact and mind your own business.
Jaclyn recently posted..PMS Horoscopes

Noa February 24, 2011 at 4:53 pm

You described to me the plot of Mad Max. God speed, Jaclyn.

Luvvie March 2, 2011 at 4:48 pm

LM ENTIRE ass off!!! OMG. WIN!
Luvvie recently posted..My 5 Thoughts on the Academy Awards

Noa March 2, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I’m glad you approve of me ditching my husband in Jersey. He totally had it coming.

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