Funny Bitch Friday: Awful Library Books

02/24/2011 · 19 comments

in Funny Bitch Friday

I stalk you, Awful Library Books.

It’s true. I absolutely adore you and all of the horrendous crap that you post on your blog. I mean that in a good way. If you didn’t post horrendous crap, then why would it be called Awful Library Books? Then, your whole marketing scheme is right out the window. BAM.


I was going back through their archives, searching for my favorites and–y’all–before I new it, I had 57 links lined up for you to look at. 57. There are so many fantastic posts–it’s so hard to narrow it down (that’s what she said.)

Without further delay, I present to you, Awful Library Books. Click on the pictures for the related blog post.

To plan your death.
Bowl-Cutted Bastard.
Oh No. Ohhhhhhh No No No.
Drugs were her only out.
Not Me!
A book about me!
Kickin’ Sweater-Vest, Willy.
Oh yes, there will be blood.

Read the tiny caption over the hearts. Now you get it.
Part 2 of the Satanic Ritual Abuse.
hoodyhoo February 25, 2011 at 6:26 am

I love this… I keep begging myself to believe these are made up… but sadly, I fear they are all too real…
hoodyhoo recently posted..Stick With Me Here

kaye February 25, 2011 at 10:15 am

Omg another site I’m going to spend hours on at work…thanks!
kaye recently posted..Yay its Friday!

Noa February 25, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I have a whole bookmarks section dedicated to crap like this. More to come!

Dear Sweet Mama February 25, 2011 at 11:42 am

OMG – yet another way for me to fart away a whole day, but at least I can fool myself that it is educational. I have a stepson with epilepsy. I am thinking the bunny book for Christmas – missed his birthday, dammit, where he turned 35.

Noa February 25, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Still an appropriate gift, I think.

Amanda February 25, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Noa, do you know how wonderful you are for providing me and the rest of your readers with all of these wonderful links?
Amanda recently posted..Car Trips!

Noa February 25, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Amanda, do you know how much I love it when you comment? Enjoy your time on ALB!

KatieTheBlogLady February 25, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Damn, I really could have referenced “Latawnya, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say ‘No’ to Drugs” when my dog was hittin me up for Vicodin. Instead, we booked him a spot on Intervention. Dopeheads, augh.

Noa February 25, 2011 at 6:40 pm

My bastard cat’s always coked out. I don’t even know how he gets it. But, then again, a crack whore lives on my front porch, so who knows.

KatieTheBlogLady February 25, 2011 at 9:27 pm

I didn’t know that was your porch! My bad.
KatieTheBlogLady recently posted..Who’s Yo Mama

Noa February 26, 2011 at 11:57 am

You are fucking killing me with your comments. I can’t keep up.

SassyO February 25, 2011 at 5:09 pm

This is …difficult for me to admit, but my mother once gave me “Why Cats Paint” as a gift.

It’s still on my shelf.

Because – my MOM gave it to me! You can’t just give that stuff to the used bookstore!

Plus, they won’t take it.

Noa February 25, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I was kind of hoping that the Why Cats Paint book was a textbook for a college course, but it’s much more satisfying knowing that someone actually owns it.

SassyO February 26, 2011 at 6:50 am

Always happy to help.

Bloggertobenamedlater February 27, 2011 at 2:16 pm

“Making Pigeons Pay”. The title alone is awesome. Years ago, Franklin, Tennessee, used to donate ammunition to neighborhoods to take out the pigeons. I guess I know where they got the idea now.
Bloggertobenamedlater recently posted..I have no reason to live

Noa February 27, 2011 at 8:17 pm

That reminds me of the scene in Steel Magnolias where Drum lights off firecrackers in the tree to ward off the pigeons. Love it.

Kernut the Blond March 1, 2011 at 1:34 pm

OMG. I can’t believe a publisher went for these title. Holy Crap.

Noa March 1, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Oh yes. Went to print, then circulated among us. It’s like a cyborg invasion of shitty publishing.

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