Yesterday I was a sloth. Figuratively.

01/26/2011 · 7 comments

in How Did My Life Come To This

This is my first week of actually, truly, working from home.

It’s been weird.

And a little boring. I’m having a hard time getting into the swing of, “I should probably do some actual work or people are going to be really pissed at me.”

Yesterday’s Schedule:

8:00-Wake Up

8:00-9:00-Sad about the dream I had where Adrian didn’t let me go to London with him because I didn’t have my passport. Punch Adrian while he’s sleeping.

10:00-Put down ABCNews.com after finding 3 misspelled headlines. Wake Adrian up.

11:00-Shower

12:00-1:00-Work Out. Make Iced Tea. 1 load of laundry.

2:00- Feed the cats. Eat food.

3:00-4:00-Work

4:00-5:00-Cry in the shower to Adrian about how guilty I feel for working from home.

6:00-7:00-Work

7:00-8:00-Pretend to be a sloth while Adrian eats dinner. Snuck around the kitchen until he notices, then climbed in the chair with him. Assist him with a three-toed napkin swipe. Made him guess what animal I was before I got out of his chair. It takes him a while.

9:00-11:00-Watch Stupid Game Show Clips on YouTube. Laugh at Family Feud answer, “A REALLY LOUD HAMBURGER,” for the better part of an hour.

Predominantly unproductive. Endlessly fun.

I can’t do this much longer. I need to start a business. But not just any business. I need one that makes me a lot of money really really quickly, while preferably leaving my clothes on, cause Adrian isn’t okay with less than that. Marking off stripping does eliminate a lot of quick-class possibilities. I need a quick-buck business, that doesn’t require a lot of skill, in a visible location. Essentially, I need to rip people off.

Nailed it.

Grace and I are opening next week.

The deadline for the Fashion Fuckaround Challenge is almost here (January 30th.) If you once wore a questionable outfit and have photographic proof, send it to me and you could win a $50 Visa Gift Card. NO FOOLIN’, GARY COLEMAN. God rest his soul.

ohnoagavin at gmail dot com

elizabeth-flourish in progress January 26, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Now that you have made your schedule public, I can tell you that you have offically done more in one day than I have in the last 12.78 months. Please stop being an overachiever. It makes it too hard for us to be friends. I did one load of laundry last week. I walked around for three days asking for pats on my back. My family is planning to oust me. I can feel it.

Do you have a spare bedroom?

Noa Gavin January 26, 2011 at 6:28 pm

I DO NOW!

Also, WAY TO GO LAUNDRY.

Grace January 26, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Figuratively…thank you thank you thank you. Your responsible use of the word literally has “literally shaken me to my core”…oh wait.

Also, go back to school, our mother would be pleased : )

Noa Gavin January 26, 2011 at 6:29 pm

I’m literally laughing my ass of.

Oh wait.

I’m totally not. That’s figuratively I’m thinking of.

hoodyhoo January 27, 2011 at 6:21 am

I have also been known to remain pissed at Chuckweasel for an entire day because of something he did/said to me in a dream. It was funny until I realized he was doing it, too, and he holds his dream grudges for WEEKS. Also, I think I want a really loud hamburger. Or an angrily silent hot dog. And thanks, BTW — now I have to seriously consider procreating in order to have my daughter trained by the best!

Noa Gavin January 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm

It’s true, I’m totally the best at both being a psychic and pageants. I’ve never been in a pageant, but I assume with my psychic abilities, I’ll ace it.

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