I like to liven up my day by playing little games that no one else knows I’m playing. George Bush Mouth and Space Invaders were inspired by boring meetings.

But a recent conversation with Grace inspired these few games brought to you by the Goddess of Stupid Crap on TV, The Oprah. Appropriate at the mall and at home, there are a million ways to play Oprahlympics.

Let’s do this.

1. GrOPRAH Shopping

You Need: 1. To have seen any episode of Oprah ever     2. A Grocery List

How To Play: Go grocery shopping. Every time you find an item on your list, you have to shout it out like Oprah shouts celebrity names.

“Vlasssiiccc PIIIIIIIIICCCCKKLLLESSS!”

“Trojan MAAAAAGGNNUUUUMMMS!”

“Whole-Wheat PPPPPAAAASSSTTAAAAA!”

“Spa-GHETTTIOOOSSSSS!”

It’s the only cool way to buy groceries these days.

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2. Harpo Head-Snaps

You Need: A neckbrace

How to Play: At every possible moment, headsnap for emphasis. Oprah does this while nodding, while ‘understanding your feeble plight,’ and while announcing her FAVORITE THIIIIIINNNGGSSSSS!

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BUY*Snap*A*Snap*MOUNTAIN*Snap*

3. Ho-Oprah

You Need: Ninja Skills

How to Play: Allow no physical contact. Anytime anyone tries to initiate so much as a High-Five, give ‘em the old Oprah Hug–the Ho-Prah. You must shake the hands, and shout, “GOOD FOR YOU!”

They use it in Australia:

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And Oprah even gives the Ho-Prah to BaBa.

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Any games you play when you’re bored?

Also, don’t forget about the Fashion Disaster Challenge, where bad decisions make you money!

Who has the best picture of your worst fashion disaster?

You can send me your favorite disaster picture to ohnoagavin at gmail dot com by January 30th. I’ll pick the top 5, and you’ll all get to vote for the winner.
Winner wins a $50 Visa Gift Card to buy whatever you want. Or a cross-stitch sampler. Or a picture of my boobies, but Adrian says I have to be wearing a shirt at least.
elizabeth-flourish in progress January 19, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Thank you for equipping me with valuable life skills….wait, I meant to say time-wasting games….no, wait, I meant to say, if that’s your voice on the last clip, you have a nice voice.

Don’t get scared. I married. Can’t a girl tell another girl she has an extremely nice and sexy voice?

I play the alphabet game when I’m bored. I look around a try to find each letter of the alphabet in order from different products, signs, books. Seriously. I do this. Note: J and Q are the hardest, but if you’re playing it on the road, just look for Jack in the Crack or a 14-wheeler that says “air-ride equipped.” I rock.

Noa Gavin January 19, 2011 at 2:10 pm

That’s your Dallas Challenge, ho. You have to Ho-Prah everyone you meet.

bloggertobenamedlater January 20, 2011 at 11:37 am

In law school, we played a game called Gunner Bingo. The game is played by making a bingo card with the names of your fellow classmates in a classic Bingo grid. Those that “gun” – i.e. – raise their hands to answer every question – are known as ‘gunners’. When a gunner raises their hand and is called on by the professor to answer, players mark off their card. When you achieve 5 gunners on your card in the right formation, you raise your hand to answer a question and work the word ‘bingo’ into your answer. Successfully pulling this off entitles the winner to free drinks from classmates. We played a version of this called gunner battleship once we noticed that gunners tended to cluster into smaller groups throughout the rooms. You could play this at work if your employer is large enough.

Grace January 20, 2011 at 3:59 pm

We TOTALLY play this in Vet School! Unfortunately, it became too easy–way too many questions. (And someone shouted “Bingo” in the middle of a very somber lecture on euthanasia) So now we issue “points” to certain people that chose a specific gunner for the day, you get a point for every question your gunner asks, whomever has accumulated the most points at the end of the day gets to assign gunners for the following day. Recently, I accumulated almost 15 points in a two hour lecture.

bloggertobenamedlater January 20, 2011 at 7:04 pm

You have crushed my illusions that it is just lawyers (and before that, law students) who are self-important assholes. Since you all keep points, what do you do with your accumulated points? Lawyers would demand everyone buy them drinks. Since it’s way harder to get into vet school than med school, you all are probably uber geeks who don’t drink heavily. What do vet students do?

Noa Gavin January 20, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Is this before or after silly putty?

Noa Gavin January 20, 2011 at 10:23 pm

That is the best game I’ve ever heard. Also, it makes you better than Grace that you said it first. You win.

Grace January 20, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Bloggertobenamedlater: we totally drink, HEAVILY! In fact our favorite hangout is a little place called the Daiquiri Barn right down the street from the school. It’s this heavenly little place that sells daiquiris from the drive through. (Praise God for Texas liquor laws). We affectionately refer to it as making a DB run. Also, thank you for acknowledging that it is more difficult to get into vet school than med school, I love hearing that confirmed, it makes me feel way smarter than I am. We simply must decide what to do with all these accumulated points, perhaps I need a lawyer’s advice on this. And no I am not a freakish geeky looser, I’m certain Noa will absolutely back me up on that.

Noa: leave my freakin silly putty alone, it keeps me awake in class damnit!

Noa Gavin January 21, 2011 at 2:20 am

She’s a freakish geeky loser. But she’s my sissa, and I love her. Fancy never let me down.

By the way, totally jealous of your DB runs. If there’s one thing Dallas needs more of…

TexaGermaNadian January 21, 2011 at 9:14 am

Oh my gosh, this is awesome! I cannot wait to go to the grocery store and buy some “Extra Absorbent TAAAAMMMMPPPOOOOOONNNNS!”The people in WalGreens will get a kick out of it. Hilarious post, and thanks for stopping my blog. I am insanely jealous of your hookup at Buc-ee’s. Is your brother single?!?!? haha, I’m just kidding, don’t know if the hubs would really appreciate that :)

Noa Gavin January 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Thanks for commenting! Also, Oprahlympics is excellent in Bucc-ee’s. True Story. Where it all got started.

Sadako January 27, 2011 at 9:06 am

Great game. I like to drink a shot whenever a Housewife (on a Real Housewives of ___ Reunion) gets up from the sofa and walks off screen.

Also, whenever Patti Stanger on Millionaire Matchmaker brings a guy a hot young woman and screams at him for not choosing the older more “suitable” one…

Noa Gavin January 27, 2011 at 12:16 pm

AH! Those look so fun! How about, “Everytime a girl fans away her tears on The Bachelor, it’s a shot?”

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