Let's Heart to Heart.

01/05/2011 · 16 comments

in I'm A Terrible Person, Psychological Warfare

Can we talk about Gilligan’s Island?

A Hotbed of Rousing Debate

What was the sex situation on the island?

I hope just an all-out dick-fired sexferno.

Did someone say Sexferno?

After food and shelter, and the knowledge that whatever the Professor came up with would promptly be fucking decimated by the Gillgs, what did they have left to do? They were clean, healthy, and safe. Basic needs met, now let’s get to the good stuff.

There were more men than women, which creates an evolutionary situation of cock-slappery-in-facery.


Write your own caption.

I imagine that every Tuesday, they threw their names in a coconut and drew. Everyone wanted Ginger or Maryann, sure, but Lovey had been around the block a time or two–bitch knew how to please a man. Last man out got stuck with a buttered coconut for the week.

Or maybe it just devolved into a crazy orgy every single night, like Lord of the Flies, but instead of bugs, they meant jeans flys. And instead of Piggy getting killed traumatically in the end, Maryann got rugburn.

Short Straw gets the shackles.

But surely that old, grizzled Skipper had approximately 67 STDs floating around at any given time. But that wouldn’t have stopped anyone trapped on an island for many years with no chance of rescue. Why not take a chance? Isn’t syphilis-crazy at least a more interesting way to go?

The Face of Gonorrhea

Or was it just a giant harem? Was Gilligan the master of it all? Did he purposely destroy all the inventions of Maryann and Professor because they were trying to escape Gilligan’s hold on them and their hormones? Was it sexual trapping that drove their minds towards freedom?

Was Gilligan a Wang-Tyrant?

Cocky Bastard. HAH!

This is where my mind goes most days. This is a terrible way to think.

Brandi January 5, 2011 at 10:15 am

I’m pretty sure I have no choice but to call my husband Wang-Tyrant from now on.

Noa Gavin January 5, 2011 at 10:42 pm

I hope he enjoys it. Adrian loves it.

Dear Sweet Mama January 5, 2011 at 11:32 am

You either need to drink more or less, and I am unsure which. I know I need a drink now, but nothing with an island theme.

Noa Gavin January 5, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Already on it. The drinking part. And planning for friday. I have problems.

Kernut the Blond January 5, 2011 at 11:37 am

Ok, just the thought of them doing it creeps me out. Eeew.

You should watch Hung. Really. You can get Season 1 from Netflix. Everyone is having sex in that show and the main character is HOT.

Noa Gavin January 5, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Liar. You have the hots for other Bob Denver.

Noa Gavin January 5, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Also, Netflix? Hates me. Was never entitled to my 2 week free trial or anything. Fucking bitches.

k-dawg January 5, 2011 at 5:03 pm

hahaha “wang tyrant”. Gonna make it my mission to call someone that today.

Noa Gavin January 5, 2011 at 10:39 pm

It’s useful in a myriad of situations.

amandarich1 January 5, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Noa, you are wrong about one thing. This is not a terrible way to think. Everyone was always so happy on the island. Why? Because they just got laid!

Noa Gavin January 5, 2011 at 10:39 pm

You win, amanda.

bloggertobenamedlater January 6, 2011 at 8:29 am

I think I need therapy now.

Noa Gavin January 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I can be of service there as well.

elizabeth-flourish in progress January 6, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I always thought the Professor was gay. Your theories are really blowing my mind. Fuck, this requires me to think a little. I hate thinking. Thanks, Noa.

Noa Gavin January 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I push you to your limits. It’s my shtick.

kevin August 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

1) The Skipper was gay and after Gillligan. He liked Gilligan to lay in the hammock above him so he could look up at gilligan’s skinny tush.
2) The Professor was after Mary Ann and probably getting some Ginger on the side.
3) Ginger was sex starved and getting it when she could. This meant Mr. howell, the professor and tried many times on gilligan, but he kept hitting his head against a tree. He was a little confused because the Skipper was well… you know.
4)The Howel’s may have bee a “Bird Cage” couple. Meaning Mrs Howel was a cross-dresser and Mr Howel was bi-sectual.

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