What. The. Fuck.

12/29/2010 · 23 comments

in Uncategorized


Dear Sports Optical Marketing,

This is not okay. This was not flagged as spam.

I am baffled and infuriated at your lack of: 1. Tact and 2. General Good Decision Making in Marketing.

It’s one thing to include the link to your blog/website in a comment you make on a post–you put thought into that comment, so plug away.


You chose to advertise for yourself, for FREE, in a grammatically incorrect manner on a blog which has absolutely nothing to do with your service.

I live in Dallas. I do not bike.

I do not approve of your bullshit.

Please, dear readers, remember that when you comment, comment well. If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it. Comments are not merely a platform for your free advertisement. Comments are a lifeblood of a blog. I want to hear what you say. I want to know what you think. So do so many other bloggers in this world who work so hard to make you smile, laugh, think, and take a little time out of life for you every day.

Do not. DO NOT. Do not whore me out for your benefit.

Jesus Christ, at least buy me a fucking drink or something.

To my own commenters: I love you. You do so well. You have no idea the joy I feel when I see the comments that you post on my blog. I can’t believe that anyone reads my stuff at all, so when you comment, you make me feel like less of a failure.

Jenny Chapman December 29, 2010 at 5:42 pm

You Rock. Thanks for saying what many of us think when we get spammed – whether in our blog comments, emails, twitter, or our kid’s school sports tee-shirts. Well said.

Noa Gavin December 29, 2010 at 6:11 pm

Glad you enjoyed it! I can’t stand getting spammed. I’m glad I’m not the only one getting frustrated.

rachel December 29, 2010 at 5:49 pm

yeah, that is pretty uncool. I, for one, LOVE your blog…and although this is my first comment to you I promise not to try and sell anything to your readers in this here comment. Oh, and also, I promise to never ever ever go to sports optical marketing. Those bastards.

Noa Gavin December 29, 2010 at 6:22 pm

YES! THOSE BASTARDS! Your first comment ever endeared you to me. So glad you read.

Nowen December 29, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Noa, you make me laugh so hard, even when you’re ticked. Oh, let’s be honest – you’re funniest when you’re pissed off. :-) You have no idea how much I wish you still lived across the alley from me, but at least I can get my Noa laughs here. Thank you so much for starting this blog!!

Love ya!

Noa Gavin December 29, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Only you can witness my ragers in person.

Miss you, friend. So much.

elizabeth-flourish in progress December 29, 2010 at 7:24 pm

jesus christmas, oh no(a) they di-unt.

yes, S.O.M., please spam our friend Noa and see what kind of “thumbs up” she gives you on her blog.

Noa Gavin December 29, 2010 at 9:42 pm

Imma throw down with SOM. At least I know I can count on you to shank a bitch.

hoodyhoo December 30, 2010 at 6:07 am

I think we’re overlooking the fact that these are EYEGLASSES-sellers who are trying to sneak past your finely-honed eye for bullshit… THEY’RE TRYING TO SAY YOU’RE BLIND! Let’s get ‘em.

Noa Gavin December 31, 2010 at 12:49 am

Fuck them. To hell.

hoodyhoo December 31, 2010 at 6:11 am

Agreed. Fuck them right in the ear-hole.

bloggertobenamedlater December 30, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Noa, keep in mind the reason they have posted this in your comments is to up their link text numbers to boost page rankings. In a perfect world, there would be a death ray for these people, but lacking a death ray, all we have is the delete key. I pray for the day when I can send someone to their great reward in a puff of ozone. In the meantime, I am left pondering why I am getting huge traffic from wikileaks on my most recent post. It’s about dogs for the love of God. Have a great New Years.

Noa Gavin December 31, 2010 at 12:48 am

My most recent popular search term is granny fucking a tree branch.

Dear Sweet Mama December 30, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Not even a handshake or a kiss? Did they send you roses later? Basserds.

Noa Gavin December 31, 2010 at 12:47 am

I’m too drunk to respond, but what the fuck. I love your comment. Massages. Fuck. That was supposed to say basserds.

hoodyhoo January 3, 2011 at 6:16 am

dude, I think you may be swearing at my mama. But it’s cool, she likes it like that! : )

Noa Gavin January 3, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Yeah. It came across a little off. I wasn’t swearing AT her, I was swearing WITH her.

Kernut the Blond December 31, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Bravo! for calling them out. I’ve had a few fall through the Askimet cracks lately. I’ve been contemplating calling out my hacker’s IP’s in a post. Three have been flagged so far.

Happy New Year!

Noa Gavin January 2, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Thanks! They’re bitches. It drives me crazy fucking nutso for people to shove their shit in your face–call ‘em the fuck out.

Citygirl farmhand January 3, 2011 at 9:23 am

One day, I logged onto my admin page and discovered 65 new comments on various posts! I was so excited. I thought some blogger who is awesomer than me and has tons of followers had given me a shout out and now I was getting way more traffic. WRONG O. The Spam Gods had found me instead.
What’s sadder is that I didn’t even catch on at first and actually replied to one of the spams with a generic “thanks for comment!” Not my finest or most astute moment.

Noa Gavin January 3, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Grinds your gears, doesn’t it?

“I am liking the thurths of this. Pls, I ask, what can david do with such informations?”


Bill G. December 27, 2011 at 12:10 am

Fucking eyeglass-whores. I can’t imagine how they think that people seeing this display of ass-hattery will help them.

The eyeglass industry can bore it, stroke it, and ram it just as hard and far as it will go. Between the age of 20 (when my eyes went bad) and 35 (when I got Lasik eye surgery), I unloaded untold thousands of dollars into they eyeglass industry and I got treated like fucking garbage for my trouble. The eye-surgery industry is killing them and I am glad.

Here as partial list of the shit they pulled on me:
1) Charged me radically inflated prices for frames. There is no fucking way that a set of eyeglass frames could be worth $60 for the bottom of the line cheapest ones. They’re no different than the frames for Pugs sunglasses that you see at the gas station for $9.99.
2) It’s a crock of shit that you can’t walk in with a glasses prescription from a doctor across town. No, the eyeglass place says that you have to get a prescription with one of their eye doctors. They cite all kinds of shit. Tell you that there are “liabilities” and “insurance reasons”. It’s all a fucking smokescreen. The real reason is that those overpaid doctors won’t stay there unless they’re getting a piece of the action. Bringing a prescription from a doctor across town (or a military doctor, like when I was in the Navy) makes money for the eyeglass place but not the doctor. If they see that, they’ll get pissed and leave. For an eyeglass place, that’s no good. Just like show business, you gotta keep “the talent” happy or they’ll go get overpaid somewhere else, and tell all their overpaid doctor friends that your place treats doctors like shit. If you can’t get doctors to bring in their medical practices, your ass is going bankrupt, your wife won’t fuck, and you’re probably going to wind up going to work at Winchell’s donuts at 3:30 AM so that you can get to your 2nd job before lunchtime. Do you want that, or do you want to rub the doctor’s ass and keep your car, house, and wife? Yeah, I thought so.
3) When you want new lenses because your current ones are scratched, they make you get a prescription even though your eyes haven’t changed a bit. Why? See #2.
4) You can’t just get new lenses for your perfectly good existing frames. Oh no, you have to get new frames. When you tell them that your frames are less than a year old and in perfect condition, they tell you the same load of shit about “liabilities” and “our insurance company makes us do it”. Bullshit, your fat overpaid CEO makes you do it. He wants to keep his current paycheck, the regional manager wants to keep his current paycheck, the store manager wants to keep his paycheck, everybody’s gotta keep making that 400% profit margin. And guess who they’re fucking? If you don’t like it, you get to go stumbling around in a blurred world until you die in an accident.

So I say fuck the eyeglass industry. I got surgery 7 years ago and my vision is still 20-15, so take your OUTRAGEOUSLY overpriced frames and lenses and pound them up your ass. Because of Lasik and PRK, your industry is dying and you deserve it. Burn, baby, burn!! Treat me like ATM, will you? I vowed that I would find a way to fuck you, and I did. Apparently, a lot of other people aren’t happy and went and got surgery, too.

Noa January 4, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I would love to be able to see in the morning, but I need the help of some expensive-ass contacts or the death star. I want neither.

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