Noa Gavin Presents: Games for Boring Meetings

12/15/2010 · 8 comments

in I'm A Terrible Person, Psychological Warfare

Have you even been stuck in a meeting, the likes of which make you want to sizzle your corneas with a butane torch to have something to do? Well, friend, me too!

I mean, haven’t we all? Lucky for you–I’ve found many games that one can play to assuage your growing hatred for humanity without letting your boss know you’re not listening to any part of the “game changing plan”!

Game 1: George Bush Mouth

You Need: A mouth, a window/mirror, and a sense of danger.
How to Play: This game needs to be anticipated prior to the meeting. Place yourself near a window or mirror. Furrow your brows as if you’re thinking very hard, then, try to make your mouth as small as you can possibly make it, using all the dimensions of space! It’s good to start using a pencil/pen in your mouth, to give you a goal to shoot for! Even if you get caught, you look Uberfocused!
If this is the first time you’ve played, then make sure no one else can see your dumb ass. The more experienced you get–the more fun it is to fuck with people! Extra points if you have a companion to compete with. Whoever has the most anus-similar mouth when asked a question by a superior WINS!

Game 2: Space Invaders

You Need: A wheelie chair for Roundtable, a stationary chair for Classroom, a sense of comedic timing, a history of drinking games
How to Play: In either setting, you’ll need a “Trigger Word,” appropriate to the tone of the meeting.
Examples:
Safety Training: “Hazard.”
Sexual Harassment Seminar: “Inappropriate, or Touching”
CPR Certification: “Chest.”
Motivational: “Goal.”
Classroom Style Meeting: Position yourself in the flunkie row. Assume the “I’m Interested In This Company’s Future” posture–lean forward, pen on paper. When you hear the Trigger Word, move forward an inch. Keep doing so until you are crotch to ass to the person in front of you.
Roundtable Style Meeting: Leapfrog! Every time you hear the Trigger Word, quickly zoom around the person to your left. Can you make it back to your original spot by meeting’s end? YOU LOSE, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU WORK IN A DEAD-END JOB!
Space Invaders is also fun to play with a friend. Choose separate Trigger Words and RACE!

Game 3: Table Bangers

You Need: To have a FANTASTIC rack, an obscenely low-cut shirt, a pen
How to Play: Pull down your shirt, show a little bra (or some nip, if you’re daring enough) and tally mark the Wang Bangs you hear on the conference table! Game can be played in rounds, for a longer meeting–simply change-up the way you display your water coolers while taking a blazer-straightening break in between.
Megan (Best of Fates) December 15, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Space Invaders sounds like the most enjoyable meeting in the history of meetings.

Noa Gavin December 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm

Speaking from experience–absolutely.

hoodyhoo December 16, 2010 at 6:10 am

try working in a radio station — the management half of the staff is trying to be all serious and meeting-y and the talent half is assing off. Guess which side I’m on!:)

Noa Gavin December 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm

Not you. I can’t possibly see that out of you.

elizabeth-flourish in progress December 17, 2010 at 10:03 am

i think we should go to a Sexaholics Anon meeting and do the Table Bangers. My rack is fake, but fake boobs are AWESOME!

Noa Gavin December 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm

Fake racks still produce good bangs.

Robblogger December 19, 2010 at 6:35 am

You kill me!!!

Absolutely brilliant stuff!!!

I’m almost ashamed to shamelessly promote my own blog here… http://inspiredbycaffeinenicotine.blogspot.com/

Almost ashamed!

Thank you for the laugh!

Noa Gavin December 19, 2010 at 12:12 pm

I’m almost inclined to click on the link. Almost.

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