Love in the time of Zombie

11/17/2010 · 14 comments

in Adrian, Love

Last night, while watching The Walking Dead.

Me: “If there were an outbreak of Zombie, I would drive down to pick up your parents, then down on to my sisters to pick up her and Damon, then up to Ma and Leo.”

Adrian: “That’d be a good crew.”

Me: “I mean, your parents are survivors. People who escape from communism know how to fucking do it. Grace can cook, and farm, and raise animals, Damon can hunt. Ma is a nurse, and Leo has more guns than West Point.”

Adrian: “All valid reasons.”

Me: “But that leaves us. We’re useless in the Apocalypse.”

Adrian: “Mmh.”

Me: “I can…um…I don’t know. I guess that Grace will be busy with the, you know, sustenance, so I can do laundry or something. Someone has to cook the food.”

Adrian: “See, you’re useful.”

Me: “And you’re the driver.”

Adrian: “Naturally. You’ve really thought this out.”

Me: “You have to be prepared. Know what you’ll grab and where you’ll go.”

Adrian: “Glad you have.”

Me: “But we’ll have to take my car…I’m the one with four wheel drive–”

Adrian: “While that’s a good idea, you have to remember that you’ll always need a backup. My car is fast for a reason. We’ll take our cell phones, because the satellites will still be active, and we both have car chargers. Your car is large enough and powerful enough to haul all of the people, and a trailer for the animals and all the gear. Damon and I will go ahead in my car and scout. We’ll call you if it’s clear. If it’s not, I know how to kill–I mean, I haven’t spent 20 years in martial arts for nothing–and Damon knows how to shoot. Your car is also tough enough to drive over terrain, but you’ll need me to clear the way or gather supplies quickly.”

Me: “…………………………………..Thought that out, have you?”

Adrian: “Always be prepared.”

I love you, Adrian. I wouldn’t go through the Zombie Apocalypse with anyone but you.

A Vapid Blonde November 17, 2010 at 12:05 pm

AND now I know who I am calling when the zombies come. I have guns and a fast car as well. And dogs…Killer Dogs.

Noa Gavin November 17, 2010 at 12:39 pm

When the Apocalypse comes, I’ll be the ho in the red Jeep flying a Jolly Roger, screaming AC/DC’s TNT. I won’t slow down for you–be ready to jump in the back as I whizz by.

Crystal November 17, 2010 at 12:40 pm

HAHAHAHA That is true love!! Always planning to survive the Zombie Apocalypse!

Noa Gavin November 17, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I picked a good one-We’re fucking prepared.

elizabeth-flourish in progress November 18, 2010 at 10:36 am

wait…say wha?! why are you worrying about zombie attacks? that is so totally unrealistic. all you have to do is drink unicorn blood mixed with leprechaun whiskers to protect yourself.

Noa Gavin November 18, 2010 at 10:52 pm


Enjoy being dead once the Apocalypse comes. Me and Jolly Roger will take west Texas by storm.

Kernut the Blond November 19, 2010 at 5:36 pm

I have a master plan to assimilate. Those who join me now, will be able to bring whomever they want, and recommend enemies for brain farming.

I, of course, will be Queen of the Zombies. Nathan Fillion may be King, but I haven’t decided yet.

Noa Gavin November 21, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Count me in.

Ali November 21, 2010 at 9:16 am

Honest to God, I thought I might be the only one in the world who had a plan in place for the pending Zombie Apocalypse. Nice to know I’m not alone. :)

Noa Gavin November 21, 2010 at 12:12 pm

When it comes, only those who are prepared will survive. I mean, it’s foolish not to plan.

Sarah P November 21, 2010 at 4:47 pm

The question is always about gasoline. How do you gas up without getting attacked?

Noa Gavin November 23, 2010 at 3:32 pm

Hmm. A flaw in the plan. DAMN YOU!

Kernut the Blond November 24, 2010 at 7:41 pm

This is why it’s best to assimilate.

Norway June 15, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Really Noa? Being the genius you are, I figured you’d know better. Haven’t you read the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide by Max Brooks? My friends and I all own copies. It clearly states that you’re not supposed to drive during a zombie apocalypse, because the second you run out of gas you’re trapped. It’s like those lobster tanks at Red Lobster, and the zombies stare at you, trapped in your car, and decide which one they want, and then you get eaten.
The part that confused me was that Barnes and Noble put it in the Humour section, when it is clearly serious. That book is NOT funny, especially at 3am.
Maybe it was a little bit my fault for reading it at 3am, but still.

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