My Cousin is pregnant with Hugh Jackman


in I'm A Terrible Person, My Family Is Strikingly Odd., Social Services

My cousin, Lana, is due tomorrow with her first baby, who may or may not have a name similar to a superhero’s “normal-person alias.” This is exposition.

Lana also may or may not have made an innocent comment about her cervix on Facebook a week ago, to which Grace and I promptly reacted with a warning–only 3 cervical posts without a report to STFUParents.
I set a trap. Let’s see what happened…

Noa Gavin How’s your cervix? Made of Adamantium?

Friday at 11:16pm ·  ·  · See Wall-to-Wall
Lana Williams
ha ha very fitting. no wonder he isn’t coming.
Friday at 11:19pm · 
Noa Gavin
I’m a shitty cousin. Sorry I’m making fun of your hoohah.
Friday at 11:21pm ·  · 
Grace Montgomery
this must stop…y’all are killing me
Friday at 11:22pm · 
Noa Gavin
You don’t get it? Adamantium=Wolverine=Logan. This is genius comedy here, Grace. GET WITH THE PROGRAM.
Friday at 11:23pm ·  · 
Lana Williams This doesn’t count toward my 3. This was all her!
Friday at 11:24pm · 
Grace Montgomery
I am not nerdy enough to know what Adamantium is, I had to wiki that shit. Still not all that funny. And Lana, I am still deciding if this counts against you or not, it was a cervix post involving you, that you commented on–I think this makes you guilty. I’ll let you know what I decide
Friday at 11:31pm · 
Grace Montgomery
PS Damon says y’all are both dumb, and that yes it should count
Friday at 11:33pm · 
Noa Gavin
I’m comparing a fetus to a comic book hero played by Hugh Jackman. I just blew your mind, so stop being all high and mighty.

On another note, Lana, this was a trick post–the correct answer was, “I’m not going to comment because then I can only talk about my cervix one more time.” BOOYAH.

Friday at 11:34pm ·  · 
Noa Gavin
Damon doesn’t even have a cervix.

I assume.

Friday at 11:35pm ·  · 
Grace Montgomery
I love where this is going.
Friday at 11:35pm · 
Grace Montgomery correct, Damon doesn’t have a cervix, his comment was intended only towards the nerdy comic book “literary” shit. And his judgement was because I made him, he actually has no idea what a cervix is.
Friday at 11:38pm · 
Noa Gavin
So, Damon is actually made of Adamantium. Wiki my ass.
Friday at 11:39pm ·  · 
Grace Montgomery
Lana is gone now, we are commenting alone under her cervix post. This seems like a violation some how
Friday at 11:40pm · 
Noa Gavin

We Facebook raped.

Friday at 11:41pm ·  · 
Grace Montgomery
this really must stop now. I’m going to bed
Friday at 11:42pm · 
Noa Gavin
Then rest your “effaced” on your pillow and go to sleep. Maybe your pupils will be dilated then.


Friday at 11:44pm ·  · 
Grace Montgomery
I’m sorry Lana, this went too far, but you know Noa, she always leaps right over the line of decent social standards. Maybe this will make you laugh hard enough to start labor…then we’ll have done you and your cervix a favor : )
Friday at 11:47pm · 
Noa Gavin
Friday at 11:49pm ·  ·                                                

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